First off, I love that you're starting this right after BUaBS. I love when stories continue the eps; it's so cool to have a defined starting place.

Nice. That's just like Sam to say this:

>"Yeah," Sam barked. "Yeah, I do, Dean. I want to know how I left you. How you let me leave you."

I didn't even consider this! Ah, Dean is so protective to try to hide it, good job:

>He couldn't tell if Sam remembered shooting him, and until Sam was steadier, he didn't want to remind him.

very interesting way of putting this - like a violation, a rape. very powerful words:

>Were you there when she… when she took me? Possessed me? How the hell did that happen, huh?"

Good description; for some reason I'm picturing the dad from American Chopper!:

>His lips were completely shadowed by a wide, white mustache, and his thick-knuckled hands hung loose at his waist, thumbs tucked behind a gold buckle.

I can totally picture Dean/Jensen half-pouting here:

>"Seriously? No?" He called to Sam over the sound of the jukebox.

I like that you said this; it's nice to hear Sam thinking complementary about Dean:

>He'd never confess as much to Dean, but he enjoyed watching his brother play—both pool and people.

I love how you're having Sam remembering while Dean's playing pool, good improvement:

>He lifted his head, looking for Dean and seeing him…standing on the edge of a dark pier.

Aw, Sam, you're supposed to have Dean's back! But I can see him doing this without thinking because of his memories. You're so good at keeping them in character:
>"Aww f'ckit… why cantcha jus' leave us 'lone…"

Yes! Dean is so slick!

>Twirling the pool cue easily around his wrist, Dean shoved the rubber-tipped end of it into Lloyd's gut as the man crept up behind him.

OK, had to take a quick break and watch the second half of Devil's Trap to get the feel for this!

>When a hand ground hard into his left shoulder, Dean saw white. He felt a raw burn in his throat as a scream of pain tore through him.

This is a great line! I love this lady already:
>"Don't test me, boys. I'm not afraid to clean up a little blood now and again."

Very interesting, I'm curious!

>an odd halo shimmering around her through his blurred eyes.

Aerosmith, Yes!

>Half my life's in books' written pages.

Oh, no... They're gonna have to tell Abe about John :(

>Abe released a breath of tension, thankful that the hunter hadn't once again mistaken him for his father in a confused tangle of pain.

haha, Sam...

>nodding once more at his now-snoring brother.

that's awesome! A dog protecting Metallicar:)

>"The dog wouldn't let anyone near… what?"

"Your car,"

That's so sweet, I love it:

>Dean reached up to carefully brush some hair away from Sam's eyes, barely touching his brother,

I love how she put this:

>You're Bobby's boys, yeah?

Ah, Sam, observant and sweet and silly:

>"Hey, Abe," he said, his voice carrying a sleepy, pleased lilt that made Abe smile in return.

>"Uh-huh." A grin was plain in Dean's voice. "That's what we all say. Until there is a next time."

huh. Is this a comparison with one of our heroes?

>Doesn't really fit in with either pack. It's too wild for humans to tame and too tame to survive in the wild.

Awwww, so sad, *sniff*:

>A palpable feeling of devastation had replaced the gritty determination Abe had seen before.

and another awww moment:

>"G'night, bitch," Dean said, fingers resting lightly on the back of Sam's head.

crying now...

>He felt his face pull tight in memory of need, of hope, of horrible disappointment.

OH, hahahah!!! Perfect Dean!

>Dean grinned. "Belladonna…isn't that the name of a porn star?"

oh, that's so cool, the concern goes both ways. Very good:

>"Your shoulder okay?"

"It will be."

"You need some aspirin?"

"Got some."

"'Kay."

OMG, this whole exchange was so good:

>"'M okay, Sam." His whisper was far from convincing.

"Are you hurting?"

Ah, jeez, crying again:

>His body was ticking like a cooling engine. He felt his heartbeat in his shoulder, his eye, his head—nearly everywhere but his chest. He closed his eyes, feeling the moisture gather there immediately to combat the burn. He let the tears trail down the sides of his face into his hair in the dark.

I think your story legs are back. That last scene was particularly awesome. I'm so looking forward to this story! Welcome back to the real world, GS, we've missed you a lot :-)

Whew, you have some nice turns of phrase in these intro sections:

>... let laughter trip over insanity as the brief rebellion failed and the human will succumbed to acquisition.

Dude, where do you come up with this??? It's so good!

>Combing through the maze of dark memories, it nibbled on loneliness with a cackle of childlike glee.

Oh damn! I 'bout forgot Dean had just gone over the edge...

Oh, sweet! Lobo saved Dean, then an aurora lights him up, that's awesome!

>Abe stepped forward as the light from the humming gasses above them built, increasing in beauty and intensity and casting a greenish hue over the body at the edge of the water.

Uh Oh, this doesn't sound good:
>e felt a sharp, tearing pain slicing through him, searing length-wise down his stomach.

This is an interesting way thing to say, that Abe is wary of Sam... hmmm:

>Sam was aware that Abe was speaking very carefully, as if wary of Sam. His frown deepened. "Okay."

Is this a comparison of some sort? I'm thinking of DALDOM, I think:

>"The dog is loyal to a fault. It will return to a master time and again, regardless of treatment."

Oh, poor Dean, bleeding tummy is really getting me!

>"It wasn't bleeding before." The gash on Dean's belly had suddenly seemed to open up, spilling copious amounts of precious blood.

I love this exchage; you do the best dialog ever!

>"Did you help him?"

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna kill him." Sam felt his lips draw back against his teeth in a snarl.

Aww, I love these visuals:

>Unable to do more than hold him, Sam rested his chin once more on the top of Dean's head, relishing the rarity of contact, the physical closeness with his brother he hadn't felt in a long time.

>He felt a slight whoosh of air as Lobo sank into the sand, resting his head on Sam's leg, his muzzle on Dean's arm.

Wow, this is the kind of little detail that sets you above:

>Abe lifted his gaze to the stars, knowing their dead light offered comfort to some. They chilled him tonight.

hehehe, that's so "Dean"!

>"Not something I want to hear from my little brother when I'm lying half naked in his lap."

"You're such a friggin' jerk." Sam said affectionately.

This is SO awesome! I was thinking as I read the italics, "which one?" and that's what you meant! Great job!

>He needs you to forgive him, Abe thought suddenly, realizing he wasn't sure which brother he was referring to—the one who had allowed the possession, or the one that had been possessed.

Okayyyy, just the mention of Dean's fly is sending quivers through my person...

>Amazingly, it wasn't bleeding either. Fear born of blue-tinged skin around his brother's full lips had Sam dismissing the wound and fumbling with Dean's button-fly.

Oh, this is so awesome, I love how you compare Dean's voice to John's:

>the roll of sound from Dean's full lips was reminiscent of John Winchester—water over rock, focused, but rough.

Oh, poor Dean, this is so good, especially right after the voice comparison:

<"I can't tell you why, Dean."

"You can't?"

"I'm sorry."

"Dad? Hey! Wait, no—Dad!"

Aww, this is very endearing, Sam:

>Sam made sure he didn't take more than Dean, though he was ravenous.

I'm intrigued by this...:

>He'd felt caution and wariness from Abe directed at him since they'd begun the search for Dean and he couldn't pinpoint the cause.

This is really good, so... Dean:

>"We escaped," Dean pointed out. "That's what matters….ah! Shit."

"You okay?"

"Yes," Dean snapped, continuing forward.

"Fine!" Sam huffed.

Wow, good:

>"Fate has a way of creating intersections where we strive to build parallel paths."

Oh, crap, what a way to end it! You did a great job building the boys right into a place where you want them - excellent. Now, about the next chapter???

Ta failte romhat