Awww.thanks for this.  I remember reading what Kripke said.  I referred to it in the previous story.  So sad to see Sammy sad. We rarely get to see Sam's  grief.  even up to now and we're 1/2 way in season 6!!

Author's Response:

I think at times Sam's just as enigmatic as John. We don't see a lot of what's really going on; his fears and his grief. Unless he's caught unawares and with his barriers completely smashed down, as he was when Dean was dragged to Hell. 

Most of the time I think Sam keeps a lot locked down so no one can see how he's really feeling. He's just as good as Dean, if not better, at keeping up appearances. 

Thanks so much for reading, Leslie.

Jules

I love naked Sam!  She's part Dean, part Ruby only not a demon.  but....tainted soul...hmmm

Author's Response:

there is nothing more heart stopping that a naked Sam or Dean but Sam has a particular place in my heart when it come to getting him undressed ;)!

Interesting deduction, hadn't thought of her as a combination of characters but i guess she could be! Thanks for the review on this old one! 

"Christo"!  hahaha!! I nearly fell off my chair!

You really do have their personalities down good!  I can totally envision their body language and bitch faces!  It's great! 

The Statement Bobby made...."Always on the outside looking in....No matter how many times the door is left open"...WOW!! That sums up Sam PERFECTLY! That is still how I see him.   How he's always been.  Since the Pilot.  He sees himself as an outsider or a freak.  Even within his own family.  Especially in his own family.  My heart breaks for him.

Author's Response:

Hi, Leslie,

I've seen Sam that way too, especially given the hints he's let out through the series about not fitting in anywhere. Even at his beloved Stanford, he admitted to Dean at the end of Skin that he still felt like a freak. I think the only place he's ever felt really comfortable has been with his brother, but even then after his visions started and he found out about being infected with demon blood, his fears took over and he began to think Dean didn't accept him either.

And I think that twisted thinking and overriding fear has led to him making some very bad mistakes and errors of judgement. Not that my beloved Dean made it easier on him at times, though, calling Sam a freak, etc.

But yes, I see Sam backing off from people, not letting anyone get close.

Thanks so much for reading.

Jules

This was really great!  I loved all the internal dialogue!  I think you got in to their heads really well.  This was much more thorough telling of Sam's ordeal after Dean's death.  Bobby's too.  And even more of  Dean's feelings as well!

Author's Response:

Thanks for that, Leslie.

I was a wee bit disappointed that we only saw a bit of Sam's journey while Dean was in hell, actually. Especially since we didn't see any of Sam's reaction to his father's death, and I've always thought Sam's emotions run very deep and very strong. 

So I dug around on my own and came up with this to satisfy one of those itches that never seem to go away until you have a darn good scratch. 

And I rummaged around in Dean's head while I was there too - lol. 

Thanks so much for coming along for the ride - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Jules

This was great!  I enjoyed all the gap fillers.  Really saw how the brothers relationship changed thru the years.

As for "Jump the Shark"...Sam's wounds in that episode were by far the most serious up to that point.  Not counting Dean getting electrocuted.  Those cuts were very deep and he would have bleed out quickly.  But I could see how a hospital would be a bad idea.  Ha! The psych eval alone would have been enough to put Sam in a padded room!  You know....Sam is the ONLY one who hasn't been admitted to a hospital so far (in the show).  

Dean--electrocuted (Faith), car crash (IMToD), Alisair (ONHoTP).

Bobby--Dream a little Dream

Castiel-Two Minutes to Midnight?  I think...the Pesilence episode.

Even John Winchester was admitted!

Anyway...just something I've noticed.  Really enjoying my time reading during this winter hellatus!  THANKS! 

sweet..very sweet

Author's Response: You seem to have found most of my stories lately and gone through them one by one.  I can't even tell you how much that means to me, that you would read them all and tell me about it.   Thank you.  And I'm glad you enjoy them.

wow...nice missing scene.  So sad that Sam had to go thru it again.  Glad Cas was there to help this time.  Dean was sure in a bad place back then.  Never heard the song before. Gonna have to look it up!

Author's Response:

It's an oldie - back in the eighties, I think, or very early nineties. And yep, I'm showing my age now - lol. 

I heard it on the radio one day, and even though I'd heard the song a thousand times before, something made me stop and listen to the words and apply them to the Winchesters. It just seemed to fit really well with a tag to MBV - another episode where they ended way before we were all ready. 

And yes, I think that was when Dean was almost at rock bottom. It wasn't long after that when they were dumped in the bastardised version of heaven and he made up his mind that the only way out of the mess they were trapped in was to say yes to Michael.

Thanks so much for reading.

Jules

anxiously awaiting the next installment!

ACK!

WOW!! nice twist.  I thought it was Dean.   then I thought it was Sam.  Then I had no idea...bobby?  Then I figured out it was John and young sam and dean!

Author's Response:

Yeah, I got all three of my team with that twist as well - LOL. I was actually on the phone to my banner-maker (who is also my auntie) at the moment she discovered the twist, and I just burst out laughing at her gasped "OMG - it's John!"

Love me a little twist or two...or three...

Glad I got you with it too...*rubs hands together with glee*...

If it hadn't been John, it would have been Sam doing the digging - and there were passages there that were sort of Sam-like - deliberately. Because of the two boys, Sam is most like his father. Dean tends to take after his mum. So I let my imagination take a walk to explore the similarities between Sam and John - not just the anger and obsession with revenge, but also what else he may have shared with his son. Things from happier times, like a love of learning, perhaps. 

Thanks again, Leslie, for letting me know what you thought. I'm really glad you're enjoying my work.

Jules

VERY NICE!!  I hope Sam can eventually get close to someone.  He's been alone a very long time.  And then after Ruby...UGH!!!  Poor thing is soooo damaged.  And that's without being Lucifer's meat suit or going soulless for over a year!

Author's Response:

Hi, Leslie,

Yes, poor Sam hasn't had any luck at all with relationships, has he? Apart from his brother and Bobby - and even those are on shaky ground thanks to his soulless escapades. 

Let's hope that there's some serious healing in the latter half of season six. But then, when have the writers ever made it easy for the boys...

Thanks so much for reading. I'm chuffed that you enjoyed it.

Jules