Aw. Vanessa. How dare you make me cry when I only finished my make-up and need to go out to do some shopping! HOW DARE YOU!?

Love this. No, not too melodramatic at all. Their lives just are like that. 

...Dane-jer-us....     how cute. Baby-talking Dean. Wanna hug him!

...the one with little clowns all over it...     Bet baby-Sam really hates that bag. Must be crying like hell everytime his diapers need changing.

...His little fists pounded into John’s chest over and over and over again and he began to cry hysterically... “Ssshh. Ssshh. Dean, I’ve got ya. Ssshh.”...    This part definitely was the worst of it. Hell. Still got tears rolling down my cheeks. I can clearly picture Dean and John. Oh the torment, the trauma, the sadness, the future re-written in a few minutes... Hell.

...“Because I couldn’t find her.”... last words the little boy spoke for a long, long time...     Dean has already taken to his habit of blaming himself for any tradgedy happening to his family. Sure he wouldn't talk for a very long time after that revelation. It's simply too much for a four-year-old. Awh. *sighs deeply*

Always love your stuff  Vanessa.

Cheers, Ilka

OMG, indeed. Muffy. This is the first of your stories I have started. But HELL. If they all are like this first chapter I so have to read them all.

Normally I quote a lot but I dunno where to start. Lemme just tell you that I am hooked. Starved, tortured Dean. OMG. Have to read on. Sorry.

Cheers, Ilka aka RoweenaC

YIKES!

That is one evil cliffie. I think the worst I've ever been subjected to. Please, Muffy. PLEASE update very soon. God, I can't get the images outa my head. What is the goddamn thing? And will Dean kill Sam? Will they get out before something worse happens?

Lovin every word of this story. Thanks for sharing. And I know Bev will love you again for the bare feet. A small silver lighting in real DARKNESS.

Cheers, Ilka

Hi ya, Sue.

Congrats! You got featured! Well done! 

Awesome one shot there. Liked it. Sad and happy. Great combination. And I loved the old-lady-M&Ms. So like Sam to enjoy them. Not that I prefer peanut. I'd go for the normal ones. Plain chocolate. OK. Rambly!!!??

...You brought so much light and laughter into my world, I hate to think that I took it all away from yours when I left....     OMG. You had me in tears here. And I so swore I wouldn't need a kleenex! I thought we were supposed to write something cheerful! I martyred my brains to think of something like funny! And you go and write something sad! So glad you did though. Love it.

..."You read my diary, jerk!" ....   Excellent idea. Just when sadness and tears were at their heights you change the aspect. Brilliant and expertly done. Haha. Sam writes a diary (what a girl!) whereas Dean a journal (translates from Testosterone into English as "diary", hehehe).

....I don't have to ask you to remember me, and I hope that I never forget you. ....      Oh, and here we go again. Torrents streaming down my cheeks. Love every bit of it!

Feature well deserved! Have some nice stars too!

Cheers and thanks for sharing, Ilka aka RoweenaC 

Bev. Yeah. See you made it to the deadline! So glad because it is one hell of a sexy and hilarious story! 

 ...beneath his bare feet...  Had to have them in the story didn't ya! You and the feet thing, however he does have sexy feet. If ya think of the black and white pic with him on the bed....aaaah.

 ....Dude, do you have any idea how frigging girly you look?  God damn Sammy, you’re wearing a ...dress.... Lol. Sam is such a girl and instead of protesting he resigns and has to wear the "heavenly" dress (woops sorry Daghiel, uhm robe it is then. Anybody else smell fish?)

...half naked hunter the low riding waistband of his tattered jeans...    That's it! Drool bucket filled to the brim. Reminds me of the pic I put on LiveJournal. Waistband just above his... non-existent underwear... uhm. Well. You get my drift?

...A shit eater grin lit up his handsome face...  And that grin makes him more handsome still. Shit-handsome, that a word? But it describes what I mean.

...puked his breakfast all over the dominions of heaven....   ew!? Dean can stomach everything but Daghiel's smell? That angel's gotta stink!!! At least Dean had breakfast before he died...

...Dean smiled and tensed all the areas that looked best to a girl’s eyes when tense... mmmh. Yeah. So  know what you mean. Bum, biceps and abs.

....blue jeans that followed the cute bow of his long legs and a simple black T shirt that stretched tightly over his chest and washboard abs...    owh I love the legs. And his stride. mmmmh. And the small muscular bum, hope she chose low riding jeans again. You can view the slightly v-formed muscles just above the waistband best in those.

...the long, sleek, jet black wings that nestled against his back and fell full length to the floor ... wings of a warrior-angel.... a fallen one....    ONE FRIGGIN BAD ASS ANGEL! OK. who is in for goin to heaven after all? I always bet on me goin to hell but if Dean is up there, I will so try to be a good girl.

Did a great job. Lots of laughs and drool action in it. Thanks a million for it. And I am sure Angela will love it, whereas her bro? I dunno. Hehe.

 Hugs, Ilka

OK. Uhm.  I am still seeing through tears here, Cal. And I am glad you wrote this. Because I always wondered what had happened to Layla. And how Dean would react. He is so guilt-prone (dunno if that word exists, but it should be invented just for the two brothers), they both are.  

...heart shuddered as he saw his brother’s shoulder’s jerk...  And so  did mine. The sight if Dean crying is worse than... than seeing him die.

...“I prayed, Sam. Just like I said I would. Just like I promised. But it didn’t work.”...   Made me mentally shake my fist against the heavens. Why does he have to loose the tiny rest of his faith in the Good? In God.

...It was never your fault. It was mine....   Awh. Sammy. Don't. You had to do it. What would've happened if Dean had died? TV-Show cancelled. All those beautiful fanfiction stories never written. (Feeble attempt at gallows humour, hasn't worked for me.)

...the tears streaming down his cheeks merged with his brother’s to rain onto the rough, cheap tiles below them as the door clicked shut and he pulled his brother closer against him, let the sobs rip through them both in the dark...     OMG. That is definitely the saddest and best I've ever read. I can (*sobs*) clearly picture them there. Tangled in each other, guilty feelings in both their souls. *sobs*

Love the title as it so clearly connects to the episode and sums Dean's state up.

Like the absence of Sam in chapter one: Makes you wonder if it is him. If you go back to it after reading them both (which I did) you can clearly feel how nothing else matters than her. Not even Sammy. Until she finally dies. Then he turns back to Sammy, reaches out to share his grief. Gawd. Tears still there. Just the thought of them  hugging, sobbing.

Hugs, Ilka 

Aaaah Vanessa. You just made my day. What a hilarious and slightly sexy story. Just what I need to go on with my redecorating. Thoughts of a naked Dean will be popping up every second today.  

....a scratchy white towel slung low across his hips his only covering... whose edges didn’t quite meet...       Shirtless, grimey, with bruises and a nearly too small towel. Just what a girl dreams of. Had to fetch my drool bucket right away. Hehe.

...He suddenly cocked an eyebrow. “You don’t still take baths, do you?”...    Well, I bet Sam still does even without Jess. And I really pictures Dean as terrified by the thought of that. Oh, and how I miss the cocked eyebrow.

....with bruises on top of bruises and highlighted by more bruises...     Like that description. Made me laugh and feel for them at the same time.

...Look what else floats! ... a heck of a lot more of him to float now....      Well, well, well. I hope there's a lot more to float now! Like that. Typical of small boys in bathtubs. And the urge of grown-up Dean. Sweet and hilarious! I wish they would do a bathtub scene in the new season.

Thanks hun and have a nice day.

Ilka

Awh, baby-girl. You did a great job here. Impressive. Glad you told me about it! And I am glad to hear it helped ya to write it. SO glad. Nothing better than an angsty or painful fanfic to turn your life around, is there?

I like the jumping between scenes. Portrays the whirlwind of events and emotions very well. Very tough to read and I guess very tough for Sam to live through. Great job, Schelz. GREAT.

Thanks for the shout out. Nearly missed this fine piece!

...Sam wanted to know that someone other than himself and Bobby, really loved Dean, and couldn't live with him dead.... I like this idea a lot. That Sam needs someone who loved Dean so he can open up and doesn't have to carry the burden on his shoulders alone. Sharing the pain is diminishing the pain. I am glad he found a person who loved Dean. Tho actually, he could've come to me! I'd have shared the load gladly: Man, I would have. And how I love that dysfunctional SOB Dean Winchester.... hmmm.

Hugs ya, Ilka

Cal. I am glad I could read 3 chapters in a row because I know I would have been freaking out if I had had to wait for the next one...  Awesome job and can't wait for the next "couple of chapters"...

...a familiar feeling, the one that brought me to my knees for an hour after the bus had disappeared, one that never really left until he landed that perfect right hook on my jaw in his apartment...    Oh, this is sooooo sad. Again. Love me a bit of angst, too. I ain't just about blood and physical pain! Angst is what I prefer to read and write. It's nothing other than bleeding souls fighting for survival. And I love blood. Even this kind of blood that is transparent but stings most in the eyes... not because it is salty but because it is bitter. (Wow, where did that come from? Am I making any sense? It's late, chalk that up to my insomnia...) That scene when Sam left for college is one I would love to see on the show just for once. Because I think it is one of the turning points in the brothers' history. It had to happen to them for the characters to evolve into the men they are now. Just like Sam's and Dean's death or the sacrifice John made for Dean. It shaped the whole relationship of them. Altered it beyond recovery. Both Dean and Sam carry scars on their souls from it. Jeez, I could write an essay about this one never-shown yet crucial scene... Don't worry, won't do it. Maybe another time on LiveJournal...

...Don't go! Sammy please, don't leave me behind again. I can't do this on my own. I realise I spoke out loud...      Ugh. Lump in my throat while writing. The words/thoughts and then the realisation he said them out loud. Poor Dean. He must be in real pain to loose control like that. That is exactly why a hurt!Dean appeals so much to the most of us, I think. They way he fights against loosing it. The way his walls crumble sometimes due to stress. Those moments are the best. Jeez, I am a sadist. Gotta ring my sis to get advice on that...   NO! I love being a sadist. It's what makes writing/reading fun. To inflict mental or physical pain on the boys.

...He's wrapped his arms carefully around me, pulled me up against his chest and is rocking gently...  SO like Sam. To offer comfort and openly show his feelings. Sometimes I wish for Dean to be able to do it, to just let go and protect at the same time. But that just isn't like him. Sam, however, can do it. He had the possibility to learn to be weak and strong at the same time. Because he always felt safe around Dean and strong, because he felt loved.  And now, he shares his ability with Dean. Offering protection and the opportunity to open up. Only Dean is a slow learner regarding this. I think he got the hang of it in the finale of season 3 when he had his "eye of the tiger speech"... and when he conceded that they are each other's weak spots. Well, I guess then that there is still hope for Dean to someday be able to relax. But do I really wanna see that? A dysfunctional, walling up Dean is all I need...

...the air heavy with the words we never speak...    They never do, do they? Not even when Dean died or rose from the dead. Not even then. That is just so heart-breaking. I wish they could.

....wondering when he grew so tall, so strong but I know the answer. It happened in hollow, empty years, the years when we weren't brothers, when we were alone....     The empty years. So damn true. But they had to happen. For Sam to grow up. He could have never developed his own will. Dean never had the opportunity to choose and just obliged. But he taught Sam that it is ok to stand up for himself, that it is ok to be different. That he would be loved even if he did something completely painful to Dean. Dean is like a parent to Sam. Stepping back in the right moment even though it hurts. Watching as Sam makes his way. Accepting to be sidestepped and left behind. Hoping for a return of the child he has raised someday. Of course, they were empty years for Dean. His life's purpose had left him. A life without direction is an empty life. Sam wasn't really alone just without his brother, which is in itself a very sad thing. However, Dean suffered more from the separation. But I think he should find solace in the way Sam has grown (in both senses). Sam could only become the man he is because Dean laid the foundations and stepped back and let him go when it was time for Sam to make his own way. After all, Sam came back to him. Even if it was due to the gruesome fact that Jess died.

I loved how the song and reality were in sync. A fact only Dean would realise. And maybe a few (all) fan-girls. Because all of us share his preference for the right song for the occasion, don't we?

....blast snatch him away from me...  Again the loneliness voiced here crushes my heart. How  an explosion can not only (!) hurt him physically but tears at his soul and heart. I hurt for him....

...They turn to diamonds on his cheeks as a pick-up swerves around us...    Beautiful image here, Cal. Awesome. Very descriptive skill... More of that!

Well, I said it before, I say it again. I love the stories you come up with. You manage a level of angst that is very real and very authentic with the characters of our most beloved show. Roll on the next chappies, babe, 'coz you know I am the queen of impatience and I will pester you with emails until you post...

      Hugs and snogs, Ilka 

PS: How did ya like #2? I loved it. Especially all the angst playing in Dean's face and the discussion with Castiel in the end...

Well. Ladies. As promised, here comes the UnGen version of (my) Alphabet Incident. I still love it. As I told you yesterday. You three so deserve a long and well-written review. Hope you will like mine instead (heehee, just kidding!).

“Awesome pukefest, dude!”  I love it when he uses this word. Freakin LOVE it. I promised a friend to write a story where I let Dean say it several times and I will try to write it now.

"Why is it that whatever you eat there are always diced carrots on the return play?”       Just had an upset stomach last week and I really feel for Sammy. But I don't remember seeing carrots in my ... vomit. Picked a nice topic you three. NICE. Feel sick all over again! And I will try and check for carrots next time I have the pleasure to be sick...

"his tear-laden eyes ...."    Tears, of course. Someone get a towel?! No, hanky won't suffice. Sammy opened the salty tap. Again. Jeez. He's been crying a lot lately hasn't he? Sam, get a grip. You are about to turn into the mayor of Wussyville! I apologize to all Sam-girls. But honestly, don't you girls think Sam could do with a little bit of badass attitude?

"Just because you have the constitution of a horse doesn’t mean we all have.”      Well, all the greasy burgers, the cholesterol must be good for fighting demons AND botulism then. This offers a whole new perspective for my healthy diet. Maybe wanna reconsider eating apples instead of burgers...

"...he wobbled in his brother’s strong grip."    Uhm, I feel kinda sick and my knees are very wobbly, too, all of a sudden. Dean catch me, please, lemme wobble into those strong, muscular and corded arms...

“Whoa there, easy, Tiger!”   Love this line as it is the first ever uttered sentence by Dean Winchester in the history of Supernatural. I thank you girls wholeheartedly for putting it in. AWESOME! 

Sam vomitted in the car? IN THE CAR? How dare he?!    Gawd. I would never dare... well, I guess it's a family thing. Only Sam dares to vomit in the Impala and doesn't end up mutilated, salted, burnt, stabbed, shot, exorcised and despised until the end of times.

Vomit-boy ... and Captain Clean-up. heehee... (OK, I could try harder to think of a better name. Gimme some time. I will come up with something... ) This nick-name is so like Dean. HAHAHA! Vomit-boy.

"the flop haired brother was left to his singular retching"    As I pointed out earlier. I am NOT a Sam-girl. But I totally feel for him here. I think having just experienced how awful puking (Oh fun times!) can be, I can really relate to this. Come here, Sammy, lemme hold the bin for ya.

"similar icicles from his long, curling lashes. Miniature images of the glossy black beast mirrored in his crystal green eyes."    Awh. Beautiful choice of words, skilled description and just sooooo sexy. Love those lashes, frozen, tear soaked or simply brushing against the soft skin underneath his eyes. OK, trying to get sober now. Don't wanna be suspended from UnGen. SORRY.

"an hour long shower..."  or... "jacuzzi..."    Well. I'm game. Whichever, I don't really care, as long as it is long, warm and with Dean. Uhm, that came out wrong. I fear it'll get worse if I try again. So you'll have to live with it.

"he reached out to subconsciously smooth a strand of hair away from Sam’s eyes."   Cute scene here. Just like when they were kids. Dean lookin' out for little Sammy. Love this. Aw, ain't he just the best big bro' in the whole world? Well, apart from yours Bev, I know.

"expressive face"     Damn right. Expressive. One wrinkle, one twitch in the jaws tell whole stories about the man that is Dean Winchester. Much more telling than a whole sermon offered by Sam.

“I don’t feel so good, Dean.”   No shit, Sam! I wouldn't have made the connection! 

"being a nuisance"   Not a nuisance. But the recently elected mayor of Wussyville. Well, honestly, I whined a lot last week, didn't I, Bev? I should have won the election!

"he rubbed small circles between Sam’s heaving shoulders."    Ain't he the sweetest bro'? Awh. The thought of him sitting there and holding Sam while the poor boy retches. Just love him for the gesture... and the eyes, lashes, freckles, badass demeanour, his humour...

"Resistance is useless!”   Me an old trekkie and I would have said: Resistance is futile... Live long and prosper, you three goddesses of the alphabet.

Mr. Potato-head? Honestly. ROTFLMAO. Afraid of clowns, midgets and Mr. Friggin' Potato-Head. Such an ingenious idea! Talk about Wussyville...

"Sam snuggled further down the bed and wrapped his free arm protectively around the glaring racoon."      Aw, that's a sweet idea. Sam is such a poor, sick baby. I feel almost drawn to him. I am such a pervert. Only needs a sick or hurt handsome man and I am all over him. Need therapy. ASAP.

Unicorn... in distress... well. You gotta be kidding me here, ladies. That's a full on fever hallucination! So like Sam to see fairies or unicorns whereas Dean would see monsters and demons. Although the unicorn freaks me out, maybe more than the demons.  A unicorn in distress needs a real hero!  Sammy to the rescue!

"Umfph!"    Big ouchie! The precious private parts. Sammy, you just kicked your brother's brains out! OW that's gotta hurt. Guilt will haunt Sam's pale features after realising what he just did. And I gasped in horror! (heehee, I DID!)

Samantha   Love it when he calls him Samantha. Always makes me laugh.

"Dean could stand upright again he would watch over him as he recovered from yet another preposterous Winchester adventure"   Awesome last scene. Like it. Dean is and will forever be Sam's guardian... angel... no please, Dean. Don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to insult you. OK. Put the gun away. Put it away, I was only joking. DEAN! Pleeeaase.

OK. Awesome ideas here ladies. Artists all three of you, yes alison, that counts you in! I like the idea of the alphabetic prompts a lot. Wonderful story, sweet scenes, comforting Dean and very sick Sammy. Will now take my medicine and stroll back into the asylum.

Hope you laughed a little while reading this new and improved review. For all other readers who might come across this review. I am absolutely sane. Really. Go ask my psychiatrist.

Loves ya, Ilka

Awesome Alison! Awesome. You had me laughing out loud in the middle of the freaking night. You know, you so owe me a new flat should I have problems in the future...

 Love that you think of Dean as a cat. I always thought he is more of a cat-person (not just because of his panther-like reflexes or green eyes...mmmh, need my bucket...). And the thought  of him eating Bela, TERRIFIC. I could never do this in such few words. Best part is the cocked eyebrow!!!!

Keep writing hunny, I like your stuff!

Hugs, Ilka

Oh, Muffy. This is terrific! Please, please, please make it a multi-chapter. I am too curious about Chaos. I don't think she has a plan as she is Chaos. But this thing could be ending up as one of my fav stories. Great potential!

The parts that got to me the most:

"His first thought, he was sure it would be his last as well, was… Sam."   So like Dean to think first and last of Sam, very true. And very big bro. Awh.

"the one thing that kept him running over the bloody street, that kept him moving when all he wanted to do was stop.   Sam."   Sam is his only purpose, his one real goal in life. His engine, his only reason to go on. I am appalled by this one. Muffy. AWESOME.

“What do we do?” “We go on.”   Once back together, they can breathe and think and simply ... go on with life. Everything else doesn't matter as long as they have each other. Beautiful. And I think they should let the show end with something like this. Either they live on together or die together. Everything else would be torture to the surviving sibling. Torture beyond hell.

I say it again. Roll on the next chapter!    Uhm. Please. Pretty please?!

Ilka