Oh.  Wow.  

It was the chocolate cake that got me. Nice summary.

The start to a sentence is always capitalised, even in dialogue.  This:

obvious lack of pockets; "and where the hell am I supposed to keep it?"

Should be this:

obvious lack of pockets; "And where the hell am I supposed to keep it?"

Not commenting on the semi-colon because the blasted things always confuse me.

Frankly, i love it.  Dean's first line is completely in-character, and the dentures were a great touch.