Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 06/03/12 10:34 PM · On: Chapter 5 - Conflict and Duty
He's such a sad, complicated man. Anyone, confronted with a child like this would have had trouble dealing, but for a man that places family first?
You're right, it's all in the eyes...
Author's Response: I love when we get the huge emotional scenes from Jensen, the full-on crying and breakdowns, but I'm appreciating this more subtle slide into anguish. The emptiness and the longing speak volumes. This was so unjust, for a man like Dean who always values family, to spawn a demon child. But he did handle it the best anyone could. Many would have dismissed her, not accepted that being a sperm donor was the same as fathering a child. Dean assumes responsibility, always has, always will. She was his daughter, under the most unusual circumstances, but still his. Take care, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 02:46 PM · On: Chapter 5 - Conflict and Duty
Dean will have more than this memory of his child. For the rest of his life he'll have the what-ifs and the doubts. He'll have the blame of fathering a child who never had a chance, who was cursed with the Winchester misfortune. And he'll use this experience to validate to himself what a real monster he is and all the ways he's unworthy of love and family. Please write more! I love all the intricacies you express from Dean's mind. Jensen is an amazing actor and with every season we see him hone and develop his craft even more. His silent communication says so much more than words. The layers of emotions that shine from his eyes and drift around his lips convey so much. And although we want him to keep fighting and to have some happiness by realizing his dreams of family and children we know how prophetic Dean's words are that his life will end bloody.
Author's Response: I totally agree on Jensen's amazing portrayal of Dean. Dean is such a complex, deep character and Jensen brings out every emotion. I so want Dean proven wrong this one time. I think things will definitely get bloody, but I hope it never ends bloody. I have faith that God chose the Winchesters because they have the courage and insight to overcome. We just need Dean to hold on until things settle down again, until he can see the worth of who he is and what they do. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 02:36 PM · On: Chapter 4 - Beauty and the Beast
Dean says he knows what it's like to be a father yet he doesn't really. He's a sperm donor who was denied the honor of being a father, of raising his child. He missed out on everything that makes being a parent worth the struggles. He missed out on the early morning feedings, first smiles, the first words, seeing that baby look at you and know you are everything to that person. He missed out on the trust-building moments like learning to walk, to ride a bike, to tie a shoe (and in his case to shoot a gun). He missed nursing his baby through illness when she's too young to know what's happening to her but knows instinctively that as long as she's with you then she'll be okay. He missed seeing himself as a hero in daddy's little girl's eyes. He's only just glimpsed what it's like to be a father. Only experienced the pain of failing as a parent but he wasn't given a chance at anything else. I wonder if when Emma told her father that he was a good man if that was 100% trickery to get him to let his guard down or if part of her saw the good in what he did for humanity. She must have been as conflicted as he was.
Author's Response: Interesting theory on Emma. I think she was manipulating him, but somehow it was the perfect words to touch him. So how could she know? Was it a guess or did her connection to him make her perceptive to what would work? Or did her mom see enough good in Dean to know what he wanted? Sadly, I think Dean's experience with Ben helped him feel what it was to be a dad. He became Ben's dad, he felt that kid was his own. Losing Emma was on top of losing Ben, a kid he did interact with and help shape. Just a sad situation all round. Thanks for all the deep discussions, I love it! B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 02:21 PM · On: Chapter 3 - Responsibility and Consequence
A price to pay. This is mine. And hers. So sad and beautiful. I agree, I think Dean is in reaction mode. Accepting whatever happens and reacting to it the best that he can. I'm sure Dean was heart-broken that he couldn't save his own child. That he couldn't reach through what she was raised to be enough to be able to get her to trust him, let him protect her, and know real parental love. It seems that this is the last of his unspoken dreams to die- being a father.
Author's Response: Dean is surviving, the only way he can. He would have been there for Emma, but losing her isn't unexpected. He knew from the jump how this was going to end and he can't process the emotions any longer, one more pain on top of another. And I'm sure after losing Ben, after knowing what it felt like to be a father, this would be the final loss, all hope of being a father crushed. B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 02:13 PM · On: Chapter 2 - Numb
Look at everything Dean has been through. I mean not even death is real anymore because people live and die and come back from the grave. He knows Death personally (as a man so to speak), has died himself several times. Yet it still symbolizes an end for him. Not necessarily a bad end. He knows there are things worse than death, like Hell, like living with no hope. He knows from talking to Ash and Pamela that heaven can be a nice place. I'm sure there are times when he wants to forget everything he knows about heaven, hell, God, Lucifer and just die, just cease to be. But he probably doesn't believe even death will give him respite from his sorrows. So what does that leave him?
Author's Response: Love your comments! I've thought about this too, how death offers them a peace they can't find in life...that is, if they were allowed to stay dead. Yes, there are definitely things worse than death, like living with no hope, like witnessing everyone you love die and yet you are still here, still immersed in this unyielding pain. I think that is why Dean is overwhelmed and numb to it all. You can only feel so much before you shut down, before one more loss and one more pain is just simply too much. All Dean has ever had is the job and his family. He's lost faith in the purpose of the job, that the world wants to be saved. Now he only has Sam, he won't quit because he won't leave his brother alone in this fight. But what happens when/if he loses Sam? Will he find his purpose or lose all hope? Scary times... Thanks for all the insight and ponderings. - B.J.
Reviewer: snseriesfan (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 07:24 AM · On: Chapter 4 - Beauty and the Beast
I long for the days when Dean was fun and had purpose. I've given up hope that the show will ever have him realize any self-worth. In fact, I've given up hope that Dean will ever have a real love of hunting, or even realize a driven purpose (like saving people) to it, or realize that what he does is important. (I'm thinking that SG is a crazed Amazon man-hater, to tell you the truth.) It's a nice tribute to the character that you see him that way, though.
Author's Response: I see Dean through Jensen's ackting. I think Show has given him so many layers, so much pain and angst that it would be extremely hard for Dean to ever again be carefree and joyous...and yet, with Jensen, I never give up hope of a spark of the old Dean. I think Dean has always had the ability to bounce back, to have fun and enjoy himself. I'm hoping he finds a balance, accepts the harshness of his life as the price for doing good. I hope he rediscovers that pride in a job well done and in saving people. It is what makes it all worthwhile. I do love to see him genuinely smile and laugh. Maybe soon... B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 10:45 PM · On: Chapter 4 - Beauty and the Beast
You know, I think Emma's mother told her that he WAS a good man, she could see that, and knew if they used that line it would catch his attention/curiosity. That desperate hope he has that he may well be a 'good man'. Even though he thinks he's not...
Author's Response: I don't know...I'd like to think that Emma's mom said he was a good man, but I don't think the Amazons think ANY man is a good man! I think they are used to using men, lying and finagling their way with them then killing them once they get what they want. I think at this point Dean really believes he isn't a good 'man'. I think he knows he's a good hunter, but man, no, he doesn't believe that. Maybe one day he will... B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 10:34 PM · On: Chapter 3 - Responsibility and Consequence
Poor Emma, in the space of three days she is born, learns all she is expected to know, then is faced with the challenge of accepting her father's offer of a life outside of the only one she had known. How could she possible have developed the skills to judge this, to weigh the offer against what she knew? How could she even understand death?
Author's Response: I agree, and I'm sure Dean feels for Emma too. He is always so compassionate and yet he is a hunter and he knows the hard price of being a monster. In the end Emma is dead, out of her suffering and Dean is the one again left behind, trying to reconcile what his heart yearned for and what his mind says had to be.
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 19/02/12 08:56 PM · On: Chapter 3 - Responsibility and Consequence
You're so right, B.J. He knows how it's going to end if Emma really is the monster she was born to be. But Dean would want to give her a chance.
Author's Response: I love how they filmed that scene, how Dean seemed relaxed and yet not. How he just wanted a few moments with his daughter and yet as a hunter, he knew how it would all end. Jensen put the longing in Dean's eyes, the caring in his soft voice, while maintaining the resigned acceptance of how it was all going to end. It really is too bad that Emma didn't get to know her dad, understand the Winchester way and be able to make her own informed choice. She never had a chance. Just one more burden for Dean to bear. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 19/02/12 08:53 PM · On: Chapter 2 - Numb
Great tag. I love Dean so much as a character. He's really barely holding it together, and though there's a semblance of his good ol' game face on.....Jensen's brilliant portrayal shows those minute cracks, where the seams are starting to rip.
Author's Response: You and me both, Dean is my all-time fav character and I love how Jensen puts so much into the role. I love how he can flash that smile and act like he's okay, but you can always see the wear on him in his eyes. He can't lie to us, we know him too well. Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 19/02/12 08:49 PM · On: Chapter 1 - If Loving You Is Wrong
As painful as is was, I liked the way that Sam had to take care of Emma, just like Dean dealt with Amy. And I too believe Dean would have killed Emma himself if he really had to. Nice tag.
Author's Response: I was so relieved that Sam killed Emma instead of Dean. I know he would have and could have killed her, but he shouldn't have to live with that too. I really loved that Dean held no animosity towards Sam for doing it. It proved to me he was thinking of Emma just as he did Amy and her son. He let Amy's son go because he hadn't killed yet, just like he would have let Emma go if she would have only walked away. B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 13/02/12 12:27 AM · On: Chapter 2 - Numb
So you think, had he let her go.... that he would have tried to find her again, one day...or just imagined she was living a life of her own?
Author's Response: Oh, interesting thought! I don't know...maybe. I imagine he'd run into her at some point. I think he'd always be receptive to her finding him, there for her if she needed him. But I think mainly, he'd not look for her. That if she did renounce her heritage and start over, that he would respect that and want to let her live a normal life without the entanglements being a Winchester involves. Sadly, I guess we'll never know. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 08/02/12 04:04 PM · On: Chapter 1 - If Loving You Is Wrong
You could see it in Dean's eyes. he wanted to know his daughter, raise her, love her. He wanted to be her father, be a good father. He wanted his life to have meaning and being a father would do that for him. But you could also see somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he'd have to kill her. Good question: would Dean have let Emma leave? Probably. He gave Amy's son a chance. I'm sure he feels that his child deserves that same chance. As far as we know, Emma only posed a threat to her father. There seemed to be no other incidents. We don't know exactly what the Amazon's plans were (aside from not good). Who knows, maybe her failure would cause her to be abandoned, ostracized or stripped of her Amazon powers by the goddess. Dean wasn't stupid or foolish. He armed himself knowing he would have to kill someone to protect himself. The whole time he sat and chatted with Emma he knew what she was going to do. I don't know if Dean would have shot her. I see him trying more of a hand-to-hand thing, then hauling ass out of there. Of course then he'd have to look over his shoulder every place he went but that's nothing new. It's good to see Sam take care of Dean. Dean deserves to have that. The guilt of killing his own (and probably only) child would have destroyed Dean. He would have never been able to get past that. If you can't tell I really enjoyed this piece. It was very thought-provoking. So many layers to explore. Thanks for sharing it!
Author's Response: I really think, like Jensen said at NashCon, that Dean would have killed her if he needed to, if she'd rushed him. But I totally agree, if she'd given him an out, said she wanted to leave, then he totally would have let her, even if it meant she might later come for him. It is like Amy's boy, a child who had not killed. Dean is always willing to risk his life for someone else, always seeing their life as more valuable. You could totally see that Dean, while accepting that this whole instant child thing was strange, was also willing to be her father. What he always secretly hoped for but never believed he could have instantly coming true and yet it was destined to be a nightmare, losing her because she couldn't escape what she was. I am so thankful that Sam killed her and that Dean didn't blame him for it. Dean was strangely accepting of everything that happened, numb to the weight of it and not feeling he deserved any better. This is why I love Supernatural so much, the many layers and different interpretations we might have. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: supernatfem76 (Signed) · Date: 06/02/12 06:25 PM · On: Chapter 1 - If Loving You Is Wrong
I have enjoyed all the drabbles that you have written so far. I think your drabble really sums up what Dean was feeling at the end of the Slice Girls episode. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you! With limited time to write, it's amazing to me how satisfying these drabbles can be. I love exploring Dean's feelings, his inner thoughts and how it is affecting him. My heart breaks for Dean. He has been through so much, is still struggling and yet I know he will survive because he is a survivor. He is a fighter and even though he feels like surrendering to the dark and giving up, he won't. I just want him to feel good again. Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: supernaturaljunkiejude (Signed) · Date: 05/02/12 11:05 AM · On: Chapter 1 - If Loving You Is Wrong
Beautiful, BJ ! Funny....I remembered thinking that the girl showed Dean's known traits the minute she declared she was hungry and that she professed she wanted to go against her fate and do the right thing. Made her almost sound like a member of "Team Free Will". So glad Sam stepped in because when she showed Dean her true colors it would have been our beloved Dean as that 'first kill'. Nicely done, simply put, neatly wrapped up.
Author's Response: I thought they did a terrific job casting Emma and also how the audience wasn't sure whether she was legit or not. I loved that Dean was ready, thought she might be playing him and yet he waited to know for sure, willing to give her the benefit since she was a kid and she had yet to kill. She told Dean everything he wanted to hear and yet he was still smart enough to not believe. And we know his heart wanted to believe... I too am so thankful that Sam was there to do the deed, just like Dean did with Amy. I think it will be hard enough on Dean knowing his own flesh and blood was a monster and had to die, let alone what it would have done to him to be the one to do it. Thanks for the review, B.J.
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