Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:46 PM · On: Chapter 6 - Revenge
"I hope he finds me first before any other." He has to be able to empathize with the boy since both of them had their mothers killed at young ages. And I think Dean believes that if anyone deserves the right to end his life it's this child. Just as he had the right to kill Azazel.
Author's Response: I think the smart thing would have been to kill the kid, but that isn't Dean. He has a code and he can't break it. He can't kill a kid. He is the defender of kids and others who can't defend themselves. I think he feels bad to have killed the kid's mother and yes, he absolutely understands. And then he beats himself up about it and gives the kid permission to kill him, feeling it is what he deserves. I really think Dean believes he will end bloody someday...someday soon. And I think he's alright with that, feeling he deserves it for a multitude of different kills. Of course, he is wrong.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:42 PM · On: Chapter 5 - Monster
Dean is like all of us, sometimes sinner, sometimes saint. And just like the rest of us he compares himself at his worst to the best in other people. i had mixed feelings about Dean letting the boy go. I was reminded of the hunter who had to chase down the rugaru because he hadn't killed it as a child but on the other hand, the boy hadn't done anything wrong. to kill him would be wrong. So many people wanted Sam dead because of the demon blood. It's very complicated and conflicting. I hope they don't end the series with Dean being killed by the boy.
Author's Response: They had better not end the series with Dean dying! As the boys learned in Houses of the Holy, many men who appear good have dark secrets. Dean thinks his life is so awful, what he does, how he does it...but like Lisa told him (and I wish he'd believe) he's not this terrible thing, he 'does' terrible things because they need to be done, but he himself is good. And Sam is the proof that you have to judge on what a person does. I love that even when Sam doubted himself, Dean always defended him and told him he did good, he saved people. I just wish Dean would see himself so clearly. Thanks for the discussion, as you can see, I love analyzing the boys and their motivations. B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:36 PM · On: Chapter 4 - Light
Another fantastic drabble! This entire scene is sad. You said it, no one wins except some random person who doesn't even know his/her life has been spared or the sacrifice that was made to do it. "The good sleep never comes. Not when youth and passion are stolen by a killer." How very powerful!
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out that line. I often don't know where these lines come from...obviously, from Dean! But I do like that one. Like Bobby said later, as a hunter you learn early on that they mostly don't even say thank you, most especially when they never even know they were in peril. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:32 PM · On: Chapter 3 - Understand
Very good! It seems easy for Dean to break it down into right and wrong even though it can't be. I'm sure he appreciates that Amy saved Sam but that doesn't change who she is and what Dean must do.
Author's Response: I thought it was so touching when Dean apologized to Amy for killing her and then how he gently laid her down. He took no pleasure in ending her, in fact he took on more pain, but he did what he had to do. He totally understood, why she did what she did, why Sam let her go...but it didn't change anything. He had a job to do and he did it. End of story...except for what it does to Dean. B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:29 PM · On: Chapter 2 - Compassion
"Compassion is blind faith, ignorance and hope." Never thought of it like that before but it fits the life of a hunter perfectly. "I can't afford that luxury. I have a responsibility. To not let it happen again. To end it before it begins." How hard not to get sucked in by emotion. Even though he knows Sam will probably hate him, he knows what is right and what he has to do. And he does it.
Author's Response: I loved Dean's line to Sam, that Sam couldn't do it so he did because that's what family does! As a hunter, Dean feels such responsibility and he does feel that compassion is a weakness. It's not, but it does make life as a hunter so much harder, to have to live with what you do and yet still do the hard job. Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:24 PM · On: Chapter 1 - Duty
I enjoyed the drabble and liked your end notes even more. The saddest part of that episode was when the little boy vowed to find Dean when he grew up and kill him and Dean told him to go ahead. How sad! I'm sure Dean sees himself in that little boy, watching his mom die and living for the day when he can avenge her death. Now Dean is as much the monster as Azazel was, yet his cause is just. It all depends on which side of the fence you're sitting.
Author's Response: So true! And Dean always see himself in the worst light. I too think he related to the boy, cast into a life he didn't choose, losing his mom so young. B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 29/01/12 12:39 AM · On: Chapter 9 - Truth
I came back to this chapter coz I forgot to put the stars on...and it deserves start...
Author's Response: Aw, that's sweet. Love me those shiny stars!
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 29/01/12 12:38 AM · On: Chapter 16 - Guilt
Dean the ticking time bomb...it's what we're all waiting to find out... I think that's why I identify with him. I have been through some pretty terrible stuff, but the next crisis came so quick that I didn't have time to fold, I just had to deal with the new shit...then when that finished, I had to deal with yet again, the new shit. I think Dean has it a bit like that. Soldier on, and all that. (Also, I got this wierd mental picture that he's sitting on the toilet thinking this...sorry)
Author's Response: LOL Dean doesn't USE the toilet! He's so used to using a hole in the ground now... Poor guy! I hope they eventually let the bomb go off, or show him diffusing it. He can't go on like this, shoving everything down without it eating him up inside. Dean is definitely the soldier trudging on. I'm thinking when he no longer has Sam to care for, when he's alone and lost with nothing but all his inner demons, we'll see some reaction. I'm hoping for it because Jensen needs to shine in an emotional scene soon. It's been way too long. It will be good for Jensen and Dean to get it out there. Thanks, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 29/01/12 12:35 AM · On: Chapter 15 - Cold
He had to take care of business, is all. Sam will see it, sooner or later... I know he said he did, but I think he's stil struggling a little with it...
Author's Response: Dean is always the guy who takes care of business, who does the dirty work. I loved when he said that to Sam, that family does what you can't do. Dean was looking out for all those innocents and protecting Sam from Amy doing something later and Sam feeling that guilt of letting her go. Dean totally believes he did the right thing, the only thing he could as a hunter. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 20/01/12 05:53 AM · On: Chapter 14 - Survival
I can imagine him standing, his expression hardening, his eyes like cold steel as he thinks this...
Author's Response: That is all Jensen! So emotional at times and then so able to harden his features as he does the hard job and locks down what that does to him on a personal level. I love all the flavors of Dean and when he refuses to talk, I love getting inside his head and pulling out his thoughts. Thanks again, more to come. - B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 20/01/12 05:52 AM · On: Chapter 13 - Desperate
I can't wait until Sam starts making some of those decisions. Oh, I'm not saying he hasn't, but Dean is always at the front of this war againsgt Evil, protecting, nuturing, helping, and killing...
Author's Response: That's Dean, the Dean we love and respect. Funny, a friend was saying they were so mad at Dean for killing Amy, that Sam needed to punch him. I'm like, bring it! Let Sam punch Dean cuz Dean understands that and then maybe they can work it out. I HATE when Sam walks away from Dean, that frustrates me because it is like the blanket dismissal of his brother. It hurts Dean and I don't think Dean deserves that. But I was proud of Dean for standing his ground, apologizing for the not-telling, but not the doing. He showed growth and yes, now I'm waiting for Sam to change his behavior. I love 'em both, so getting frustrated with them doesn't mean I don't still love them. I love that they are human and make mistakes...but they will learn and grow and we know they will always come together in the end! B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 20/01/12 05:49 AM · On: Chapter 12 - Hunter
You know, one day you'll have to take the time to read one of my stories (or all of them) I know how hard it is to find any time at all. I'm trying to catch up right now, as I watch Def Leppard sing "Rock of Ages" on America's got talent...not ten minutes after watching Swan Song! I so lover your writing. You were one of the writers that inspired me to try...
Author's Response: I again apologize that time is my enemy. I'd love to read your stories and hopefully will one day. I was inspired to write by the awesome writers I read when I first discovered Fanfiction. I haven't been reading those writers since I started writing so much. And I'm honestly barely writing now, which is frustrating to me. These drabbles are about all I have time for! I am honored if I had any influence on you as a writer, that is a huge compliment. I think this show inspires people to write, in huge numbers, and no wonder, Kripke created such wonderful characters and the Js brought them to life. So many possibilities! Enjoy the process and the exploration, that's what I take the most pleasure in. And keep writing! B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 20/01/12 05:47 AM · On: Chapter 11 - Normal
Ahh...don't forget what he said of himself in the episode where he could only tell the truth. It wasn't the turth, though, not really. It was what he thought he was, but not what he really was..
Author's Response: Poor Dean, he gets all twisted up in the opposite sides of his personality. I loved when Lisa told him he was a hunter, not a construction worker. BUT what Dean needs to reconcile is that WHAT he is doesn't preclude WHO he is. He CAN be both a fierce hunter and a loving man. Yes, a hunter kills, but it is evil and necessary and it doesn't diminish that Dean is a good man, a caring, loving man. It would be near impossible to carry on a normal family life, but he deserves it and that is what we all want for him. At the very least, he needs to feel he is worthy of that, even if it doesn't come to pass. We love their sacrifice and that is perhaps the biggest sacrifice of all, giving up what he wants, deserves and would be terrific at, to save innocents. Dean still needs to find the truth, accept that he is so many things, not only a hunter. Man, I sooooo love discussing him and his perception of himself! Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 20/01/12 05:45 AM · On: Chapter 10 - Brother
He is a lot of front, though...doesn't want anyone to get too close, he thinks they'll see through who he pretends to be & see what he really is. He doesn't realize eveyone sees through him, but they see strength, along with the pain...
Author's Response: But that's our Dean, strong and vulnerable, hidden behind that impenetrable wall and yet so accessible when you find the key! He is afraid of what's inside, but he need not worry. Those closest to him, Sam and Bobby, see him better than he sees himself...and they accept him, which he will one day learn to do. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 20/01/12 05:42 AM · On: Chapter 9 - Truth
You sometimes make me cry...
Author's Response: These boys make me cry...
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 18/12/11 07:19 PM · On: Chapter 12 - Hunter
I have a feeling that they won't be shown to deal with this, they'll just push it down, bury it with hunter's helper and go on. "Are you with me, Sam?" Coz, in the end, that's all they can do. Do...or do not. There is no try.
Author's Response: I hope they deal with it in some emotional and healing way, but realistically it will probably get shoved down. I just wonder how long Dean & Sam can keep shoving it down? And they will always do, regardless of how hard or impossible it may seem, they are Winchesters...all they know is do! Later, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 18/12/11 07:17 PM · On: Chapter 11 - Normal
I could not agree more...but that's park of why we love him, so...
Author's Response: We do love them, because of who they are and what they do, even if they don't believe in themselves. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 18/12/11 07:13 PM · On: Chapter 10 - Brother
He did die...rather than lose that... again, so heartfelt...
Author's Response: His brother is everything, all that matters and he'd do anything to protect him. Dean has always believed more in Sam than in himself. It is just his nature. And I love him for that. - B.J.
Reviewer: moira4eku (Signed) · Date: 18/11/11 11:57 AM · On: Chapter 8 - Lies
I too feel that the truth Dean is hiding from Sam is really hard for him, probably one of the hardest things Dean has kept from Sam and you could tell it was eating him up to a point that he was drinking himself into oblivion to hide that pain. Thanks again for the great look into Dean's mind on his keeping the Amy killing a secret.
Author's Response: Since John first laid that secret on Dean we've seen how he hates lying to Sam. He does what he needs to do to protect his brother and do the job, but instead of letting it out, he lets it eat at him. I was so proud of Dean when he admitted that he hated lying to Sam. It was a step in the right direction. He needs to feel that Sam is truly okay before he lets anything more out. I wonder if/what other secrets Dean might have? I wish he and Sam could truly share their hell experiences, comfort each other and find a means to move past it. They are so strong to have survived this long. I'd like for them to find some peace, and to see Dean feeling the worth of who he is and what he does. Thanks for all the lovely reviews, so nice to know my efforts are appreciated, and also I simply love discussing Dean! Later, B.J.
Reviewer: moira4eku (Signed) · Date: 18/11/11 11:54 AM · On: Chapter 7 - Weakness
I believe you probably hit how Dean felt about the child right on the head. He knows deep down he probably should have killed the kid and if he had been as cold as he thinks he is, he would have. Just goes to show that Dean isn't as lost down the dark path as he or others think. He really is quite the sensitive soul. Thanks again for another great one shot. Looking forward to reading the next one.
Author's Response: I love that description of Dean - a sensitive soul. He truly is. And he's emotional and caring, compassionate and gentle. His job is harsh, which puts a terrible strain on the man. I love seeing him try to balance that. At the moment he is sinking, but he needs to find something to buoy him up. To lift his spirits and help him see what a fine man he is. Hopefully soon!
Reviewer: moira4eku (Signed) · Date: 18/11/11 11:52 AM · On: Chapter 6 - Revenge
I too was unnerved by the appearance of Amy's child at the end. The best thing to do would have been to kill the child too, but Dean is not capable of killing a child even if he knows he will become a monster some day (and is perhaps a monster now). This really showed how compassionate Dean really is. Thanks for sharing again, and I look forward to reading the nex part.
Author's Response: Jensen so perfectly showed the two sides of Dean there. The hunter side knowing what should be done, but the human side, the compassionate man always looking out for children could never kill a child. I love that show went down this dark road, that they are cognizant of the toll on the man, and the hard decisions. I never doubt Dean's actions or his decisions, he is the most compassionate of men.
Reviewer: moira4eku (Signed) · Date: 18/11/11 11:47 AM · On: Chapter 5 - Monster
I too wish Dean could see the good in himself. He is so selfless at times when it comes to protecting people and his younger brother in particular. I don't think he will ever be lost to the dark, that there will always be a glimmer of light for him to see. He does see himself as a monster at times and that is so far from the truth as one could get. He is right that Sam still see's things through rose tinted glasses. Sam has a tendency to show too much compassion to monsters (and that is what Amy was, a monster no matter how pretty the package). Dean is quite human. Looking forward to reading more of your insights into Dean's psyche.
Author's Response: I love delving into Dean's psyche, he is the most fascinating of men! I can't even image how he could see himself as a monster! His light shines bright, it is darkness that surrounds him and a lesser man would be lost to it, but not Dean. He may stumble and fall, but he always picks himself up and does the job. So true that Sam has that tendency to show too much compassion, so in comparison Dean feels he is wrong and too harsh. He isn't, it takes a strong man to do the hard job even when it kills a piece of him to do it. Thanks again, I love discussing Dean! Later, B.J.
Reviewer: moira4eku (Signed) · Date: 18/11/11 11:42 AM · On: Chapter 4 - Light
Oh Dean, you are not cold or you wouldn't feel your soul breaking even more over this necessary kill. Dean has no doubt saved a human down the line somewhere. Eventually he won't be able to keep all the hurt and despair inside him. He's either going to explode or implode under the weight. Looking forward to reading the next chapter.
Author's Response: Dean is so hard on himself. I do fear his soul is breaking...and his spirit. He needs to see the good in what he does. He did save someone but the cost is the hurt and despair will come out eventually. I just want to be there to help put him back together again, stronger than ever. Such a hero. I love my heroes to have doubts, to not be arrogant. Dean is the perfect hero, the thinking man's hero who does feel so much, but for the job he shoves it down and does what needs doing. Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: moira4eku (Signed) · Date: 18/11/11 07:55 AM · On: Chapter 3 - Understand
I really like the internal dialogue here. Dean understands and does feel some empathy for her but the bottom line is that she will kill again because that is what she is. As soon as her son is ill or needs a "better dies", she will kill another human. Thanks for another great insight to Dean's POV.
Author's Response: Thanks! I love exploring Dean's actions and thoughts. I believe he totally understood her, and he knows what he would do for family. He was so kind to her and yet he had to shut down a part of himself, that caring part because this was hard...but necessary.
Reviewer: moira4eku (Signed) · Date: 18/11/11 07:52 AM · On: Chapter 2 - Compassion
I do believe you have one of Dean's true motives to why he killed her. No matter how he understood that she was trying to protect her child, he knows that she will kill again because it is part of her, who she is, just like Dean is a killer of monsters. He knows that he can't let her go; he can't take that chance she will kill again. Thanks again for another great insight into our Dean!
Author's Response: The heartbreak of Dean when he told her that you can't change who you are, is we know he is also speaking of himself and this twisted notion he has that he is a killer. He is a hunter, big difference, but doing the job is so hard and he has a hard time holding on to the compassionate man...or rather 'seeing' him. Dean is always compassionate, even when he killed her, gently laying her down as he apologized. Thanks for reading and reviewing, much appreciated! - B.J.
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