Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 06/03/12 10:46 PM · On: Chapter 20 - Believe
I don't know if Dean complety belives in Sam al the time, but when he doesn't, he has an internal argument to get back to that place where he does.....
Author's Response: So true...Dean NEEDS to believe, which is why their conversation in the panic room in Point of No Return was so devastating to both of them. Jensen's eyes and voice perfectly conveyed how sad he was to have lost that belief in Sam. And it about killed Sam to hear it.
In the end, Dean chose Sam, he chose to believe because without that he is lost, and life isn't worth living... So he believed. I love how deeply touching and just plain deep our show is! Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 04:08 PM · On: Chapter 20 - Believe
The only thing Dean has is the belief that his life and sacrifices meant something. If you take that away you also take away the reason for Dean's very existence. Dean's life is still very much black and white. Dean will do anything he can to save Sam but only up to a point. There was a time when he was ready to kill his brother. In Croatoan, when there was no cure for the demon sickness, Dean had resigned himself to the fact that not killing Sam was no longer an option. Sure he was going to eat the gun afterward, but his sense of right would have prevailed. He didn't want anyone to suffer because of Sam and didn't want Sam to become something he would hate being. Being a hunter is more than a job. Kind of like religion. Do we believe because it suits our way of life or is it our way of life because we believe? The tenets of hunting are so ingrained in Dena that he couldn't separate himself from hunting if he wanted to.
Author's Response: I LOVE this "Dfo we believe because it suits our way of life or is it our way of life because we believe?" For Dean I think it's the latter...which then becomes a problem when he finds himself not believing any longer. Then what does he do with his life, how does he carry on when that spark is missing? There is comfort in black and white, in 'knowing' instead of struggling with all those pesky 'what ifs' and 'could be's' and 'what is the right course?'. Dean once had order in his life...direction as to what was expected and who he was. Now he's faced with constant decisions, fluctuations and impossible choices. Sam is used to struggling, as he once said, "It's supposed to be hard", which is just one more hardship in a life built on hard. Dean needs to hone in on what he believes in, on what's most important and again find his purpose. It is a difficult journey, but he is capable and will eventually find his way. Thanks again, I love discussing the depth of this show! B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 03:57 PM · On: Chapter 19 - Simple
It's no wonder that the Winchesters have different ideas when it comes to Amy. Dean and Sam have different points of view mainly because, although Dean has lived on the fringe of humanity, his human-ness has never been called into question. With Sam it has. Sam knows what it's like to be judged by what people presume he will do, by the prejudices of who they believe him to be. Sam knows first-hand that we can change our destiny by the decisions we make. We have the choice to be who we want to be. He showed that most clearly in Metamorphosis. I think he also believes that everyone deserves second (or third or fourth) chances. Look how many times he and Dean have screwed up? And not just little things but ending the world things. Yet he's always willing to forgive Dean and eventually even forgive himself. Most of Sam's life has been lived in the gray area. Dean, however, has led a mostly black and white life. He has a code that he lives by and it's enough for him. It allows him to justify the illegal and immoral things he does as a hunter because it's for the greater good. It keeps his conscience at bay and helps him get a little sleep at night. It's something he falls back on when decisions get tough. He doesn't have to think or weigh the consequences and pesky emotions don't get in the way. He does what's necessary-end of story.
Author's Response: Excellent analysis of their differences, I totally agree. I think Dean operates on instinct, and he is most always right. He has an innate sense of what is right and wrong, acceptable or not. When that faith in his own decisions is shaken, then he begins to question everything, most especially himself. He does the hard job every time he goes out on a hunt, he kills and then has to accept the ramifications. He is always willing to do what he feels he must...it's just that sometimes, there is a nagging doubt about whether he can live with all the fallout. Losing Sam's respect and not being able to gain his forgiveness is Dean's worst fear. Losing the last of his family, the reason for it all. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 04/03/12 03:34 PM · On: Chapter 18 - Acceptance
Very nice. I think that Dean contents himself with knowing that what he did was the right thing and the only thing he could have done. But I also believe that somewhere inside him is a person who wanted to believe that Amy wouldn't kill again because of what she did for Sam, what she meant to him. I think he's tired of being the clean up crew and feeling responsible for making the final decisions about who lives and who dies. And I'm sure he's bone-tired of having to keep secrets from his brother. But there's always that fear in the back of his mind that this time Sam won't be able to forgive what he's done so he keeps it to himself. And of all the things and people Dean can live without, Sam isn't one of them.
Author's Response: The 'clean up crew', I like that and it so describes Dean. He assumed responsibility when he was four and has just had more heaped upon his shoulders, especially once Dad died...and now Bobby. There is no one else to turn to, no one to share the load except Sam. They were on the path to sharing the responsibility, but with a fractured melon, Dean can't hardly expect Sam to be able to do more than hold it all together. Once his melon cracks then Dean will be left with what? A broken brother... So true about Dean being bone-tired too. And fearful of being left. After all, what does Sam do when he screws up in his brother's eyes, he leaves. All the things that Dean fears comes true, he is put down and then left. He was honest when he said it kills him to lie to his brother. When all is good, that is his last safety net, opening up to Sam and finding acceptance. When things are bad, Dean is left with nothing except the job. And when that isn't filling the void...well, he runs out of options. Again, so much wonderful discussion! Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:59 AM · On: Chapter 19 - Simple
You think he got a little chink in the armor with Lenore? I thought so, for a while, but maybe not so much now. Besides, I do agree that Amy would have killed again. She, like Dean, would do anything to save her family. Dean knew this, felt this, and that's why he couldn't let her go on..
Author's Response: One step forward, two steps back. I think Lenore opened Dean's eyes and his heart. But then even Lenore said she couldn't fight her nature. She killed again. I think Dean absolutely knows what someone would do for family. He's the poster boy for family devotion. So as much as he understands, the very fact that he understands is why he had to end her. He knew, with certainty that one day it would again come down to a choice, an victim or your family. He knows what he would choose, what she would choose, so end of story, she had to die. So great discussing with you! I love the complexity of these characters and how I am never sure. With Jensen's portrayal Dean could do a 180 and I would believe. Life isn't that clear cut, especially for a Winchester! Take care, B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:48 AM · On: Chapter 18 - Acceptance
He can live with what he has done... ...because of Sam...
Author's Response: I think Sam has always been the standard bearer, the reason to keep going. I think at some point Dean is going to need more. He is going to have to let Sam grow up and be his own man, which leaves Dean with a lack of purpose. As partners, they can both watch the others' backs, but it comes down to them being equals and that leaves Dean's purpose not as intense, Sam able to fend for himself. But Dean will always bear the burden and do the job. He knows it is expected, but not from anyone but himself. Dean feels he must, so he will. B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:47 AM · On: Chapter 17 - Worth
So nicley written...but do you think Dean thinks this way? I think he just accepts that he didn't have a child hood, he was happy to let Sam have one & enjoyed watching him be a kid, but never really understod that he deserved that, as well....
Author's Response: I agree, Dean never feels he is entitled to more. He would never expect or ask for more. But somewhere, deep in his head, there has to be a tiny voice screaming to be heard. I think Dean's managed to shut it down to the point that he genuinely would be puzzled by anyone thinking he deserved more. But that voice is insistent and eventually something will break loose and he'll be forced to listen and respond. I can see him shirking it off, denying until he runs out of room. I hope in the end he finds his worth, as Jo mention, finds out who he really is, and feels the value in that. He is so deserving. B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:44 AM · On: Chapter 16 - Guilt
I think he closes off, he doesn't think too much about it. Of course, he can't control his nightmares.....
Author's Response: Dean is a master at shutting down, at ignoring the pain and pretending he's all right. Yes, the nightmares intrude on his tightly held control and he is unable to stop the night terrors. Hence, more whiskey to try and dull the pain. I do wonder if now he will avoid the liquor and then without it, how will he cope? I'm excited for what's to come. I know the finale will be huge and emotional, at least I'm hoping!
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:37 AM · On: Chapter 15 - Cold
I thnk Dean knew Amy had to die and was ok with that. He wasn't ok with killing someone's mom, or his brother's friend, or lying to his brother. Reconsiling it all, well, that takes a fifth of whiskey, sometimes..
Author's Response: Dean and whiskey, best friends for a long time. Dean always wars between what he knows is right and what his heart wants. He does his job. Then to reconcile the rips to his insides, he self-medicates. He can only go on so long before something gives. Then hopefully he'll be on the road to recovery and acceptance. B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:20 AM · On: Chapter 14 - Survival
Yeah, he's good at his job...he would never have it any other way...
Author's Response: Dean is good at his job, but in ways he doesn't realize. He isn't just accomplished as a hunter, he has insight and empathy and somehow knows to make the right calls, listening to his own inner voice and doing what just someone with skill couldn't. I believe that is why God chose him to save the world. Because he is special. I just want Dean to one day feel that and feel that who he is and what he does is good enough.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:20 AM · On: Chapter 13 - Desperate
Does Dean Winchester want to be that man? Ahhhh...would he ever dare to think of another life any more?
Author's Response: I think that's what has Dean stymied. I love the little moments when Jensen shows the truth of Dean. Like when Sam tells him that he doesn't have to be responsible for Sam's life, that he can go live his own life. Dean isn't happy, he's worried...just what the hell would he do without his duty? Where would he even begin to know who he is and what he wants? That is the tragedy of Dean's life, that he doesn't even miss what he's never had. He can't begin to think in those terms. Maybe one day... B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:18 AM · On: Chapter 12 - Hunter
So heartbreaking... I'm reading this at work, and it's so hard to put my thoughts together...I do love this story...
Author's Response: I love that an episode that many hated, stirs up all this discussion and hopefully illumination into the workings of Dean's mind. The writers sure know how to dig deep and unearth some hard truths. I love the complexity, the different views, the absence of a set answer that we can all agree upon. Life is complicated, the life of a Winchester more complicated and messy than anyone else.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 12:06 AM · On: Chapter 11 - Normal
I love the grasp you have of the psyche of our favorite hunter...
Author's Response: All I do is observe Jensen's portrayal. He pretty much writes this stuff with his inspiration! But thanks, I do love digging thru his psyche! B.J.
Reviewer: ucat42 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 11:06 PM · On: Chapter 10 - Brother
I love the way dean looks so amazed, offended and surprised...of course he could never kill his brother. He'd rather pull his own heart out thru his chest. Unless it would help his brother. That would be a horrible moment.... On a discussion group we were talking about how we thought the last episode would go if this was the final series. I set the scene of Sam, hopelessly, forever lost in his halucinations of hell, strapped to a bed somewhere (hospital?) and Dean, eyes glitteing with tears that he will not let fall, placing a gun to Sam's temple, we cut to black and hear a gunshot, then another & a body hit the floor...
Author's Response: There has always been speculation about one brother killing themselves because they couldn't go on without the other. Some wanted Dean to leap into the pit with Sam in Swan Song and were crushed that he survived. I can totally see Dean tearfully pulling the trigger on Sam if it would save him, if it was a mercy. It would be damn impossible to do and hell to live with, but if it was what Sammy needed, Dean would damn well do it. But I'm of the mind that Dean would not actively kill himself. I don't think he'd want to go on, but I can't see him offing himself. I can see him being depressed and self-destructive and hunting with a vengeance in the hopes of getting killed. Same as Sam after Dean went to Hell. When I think of this scenario, I think of the ending of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, when Chief smothered McMurphy because he was no longer himself, but then Chief broke free and finally lived again. I'd never want the writers to go there, but I'd love to see Dean considering it. Another beautiful soliloquy of him pleading with his brother to wake up. Thanks for all the deep discussion, it does make you think. B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 05/02/12 01:03 PM · On: Chapter 17 - Worth
Another beautiful verse (or chapter?). Sam and Dean have flip-flopped over the course of the show. In the beginning Dean seemed content with his life, accepted what he was and what his future would be whereas Sam ran away from their life and tried to become something else, something more. Now Sam has made peace with who he is and what his life will be and Dean is searching, trying to find where he belongs and who he is aside from brother, hunter, philanderer. Right now it doesn't seem like his heart is in anything he does. That's so sad.
Author's Response: So true, at the moment Dean's heart isn't in anything. I think he is numb to it all and just going through the motions. Bobby was right, he needs to find a reason, some passion to do the job right again. Or else it will get him killed. I love the reversals, because as different as Sam and Dean are, they are also alike. It just took Dean a really long time to relinquish his duty and responsibility and even realize he deserved something for himself. I'm hoping there is going to be a glorious payoff for all the heartbreak and gloom Dean has endured. Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 05:34 PM · On: Chapter 16 - Guilt
No matter how much Dean justifies what he does with his head, a part of his heart will disagree. Knowing we are right doesn't erase our sorrow or our wish for a different choice, a different path. Clever to give all your drabbles one word titles. I also enjoyed that you took this very emotional scene and explored all the ramifications of it. Nicely done!
Author's Response: This is why Supernatural is so inspiring to me as a writer. Dean completely blind-sided me. That scene was so powerful and spoke on so many levels. How gentle and apologetic Dean was and yet he also seemed detached and cold in his actions, single-mindedly doing the job. I love delving inside his head, pulling out all the thoughts he buries and refuses to acknowledge. There is so much going on with the guy. Such complexity to the issue and I love presenting his thought patterns, why he does what he does. And then most importantly, how that makes him feel! Show can never give us all we want. Jensen's ackting conveys so much more than the written word. My writing lets me take that a step further and actually voice his thoughts and fears. I'm really happy you enjoyed my efforts! Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 05:29 PM · On: Chapter 15 - Cold
I agree. Dean isn't cold and emotionless. He shuts off the warm, fuzzies when it comes time to work but how many people have jobs that require that? If funeral directors cried with every grieving family it would be a mess. There is a time and place to express emotion and also to keep it in check.
Author's Response: Dean is a master at controlling his emotions, keeping them in check and doing the job. But he feels deeply, he can't shut that off. When the pressure becomes too much, when he has shoved every last marble into his lead box and it is bulging at the seams, that's when his emotions leak out. I love that he most allows his emotions to surface when Sam is by his side, willing to listen and offer support. I love that he trusts Sam enough to let down his guard and feel. Jensen aces those emotional scenes and proves that Dean is not cold. He could never be cold or callous. It isn't in Dean Winchester's makeup to not care. B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 05:26 PM · On: Chapter 14 - Survival
Although Dean knows when to do his job, he doesn't fool himself by thinking that monsters are all bad. He knows their need to survive is just as strong as every other living being. But that doesn't prevent him from carrying out his mission.
Author's Response: I loved how Dean first came to understand that all monsters weren't evil in Bloodlust. I love that despite John's conditioning, training them to hate monsters, and he did...he was able to take another look and show compassion. It is what differentiates him from many hunters and keeps him human. Thanks again for all the lovely discussion, I love it! B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 05:22 PM · On: Chapter 13 - Desperate
"A desperate man knows no boundaries... fears no consequence. Has no conscience." This is not Dean. He fears hurting Sam. His boundaries are set by how he wants Sam to look at him, think of him. He knows what the consequences are to lose Sam's faith. His conscience will always plague him because he will always care about Sam and want Sam's approval.
Author's Response: I think Dean perfectly understood why Amy killed to save her son. Dean was willing to die to save Sam. Sam appeared ready to kill a human to get his brother back in Mystery Spot. I'm still curious about that, would he? Was he really willing to go that far or had he already decided it was the Trickster and not Bobby? We'll probably never know. I do think Sam 'might' be willing to go further than Dean. I think Dean learned his lesson, he let Sam go into the pit...even tho it nearly killed him to do it. I think Dean is more aware of 'others', of not only protecting his family (which he will fiercely do) but also protecting 'everyone'. His stand in Jus in Bello a memorable example of his decision making. Dean is blessed and cursed by having a strong moral compass and conscience. He's seen the consequences of his actions and had to live with the guilt it brought. If anyone could understand Amy and her love for her son, it is Dean...but he is more noble than most and I think there are many lines he won't cross over, even for his family. What I love most is even tho I know Dean and think I know what he would do, I'm never totally sure because he surprises me. I can always see his reasoning, but which way he'll go is known only to him when he faces that moment. Thank goodness he always chooses right. B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 05:17 PM · On: Chapter 12 - Hunter
You are right. "You do the job until you can't. Until the weight of what you've become destroys you." Unfortunately the side affect of doing the job is the guilt you have to bear. Even though the decisions you make are right and just they aren't easy to live with. After a while, hunters begin to compare themselves to the things they hunt. Not everything they kill will be all bad. And that is the trap. All they can do to keep going is look back on those they've saved and the people who will always love and appreciate them for making those hard choices.
Author's Response: In Dean's low spot, he only sees two ways out, you either go crazy like Martin, or you die in the field. He fears what he is becoming because of what he has to do. I think Dean's entire life he has mixed up the difference between 'who' you are and 'what you do'. He sees himself as a killer, failing to differentiate that he is a soldier in a war, a brutal war with casualties. He himself is a casualty of war, a good man worn down by the weight of what he is forced to do in the line of duty. He is full of guilt, as any human would be. A real killer will rationalize what he's done, proclaim his innocence up to death row, but a hero will always see fault in himself. And how tragically true, there are bound to be mistakes, wrong calls and an honorable man will face them and live with those mistakes, even if it threatens to take them down further into self-loathing and contempt.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 05:10 PM · On: Chapter 11 - Normal
"I just don't want to be what I am." What rather than who. That isn't good. I wish for just one episode he could see himself the way others see him (Jo, Ellen, Sam, Bobby). Jo is right. He sees himself as 90% crap but he's not. He's so much more than he believes himself to be. And it's sad that he's lost hope. I think he's just in a low phase of his life. Life beats him up and it takes him a while to get back up.
Author's Response: That line of Dean's that he was 90% crap was the saddest thing he's ever said! I loved Jo telling him he was wrong, believing in his goodness and telling him.
I do think Dean is afraid to find out, listening too long to his own worst fears, but he need not worry. He is worthy, he is good. He is at a low spot, as low as he can go and there is only one way out. Dean is a survivor, so regardless what life throws at him, he will rebound stronger than ever. We've just been waiting a very long time to see it.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 05:04 PM · On: Chapter 10 - Brother
"I know him. Better than I know myself." That's true! He doesn't know his value. He doesn't see himself in the same rose-colored glasses that he sees Sam. "Lose that chance at normal. At a life beyond hunting." I used to hope for that for Sam and Dean but now I believe that no matter what they do, they will get pulled back into hunting. It will never not be part of their lives. I'm glad Dean has Sam and that their love of family has remained constant. Since Sam has gone to the pit it seems he's not so much the little brother anymore but more of an equal. I understand that that's necessary and inevitable in life but I sometimes miss the way they were at the beginning of the series: big brother, little brother.
Author's Response: I know Dean will always be the big brother, always look out for Sam and want to ease his way. I love that Sam is more of an equal and can do the same for Dean now. Dean deserves that. I don't believe they could ever have normal, but I'm hoping they can possibly have balance at some point. Have a woman who loves them...maybe kids. At least someone besides their brother who they can love. The brothers will always be close, always be heroes, always be looking to save people...but maybe...in the future, they could have more. Just something so they can have personal happiness instead of giving safety and happiness to everyone else. It's a dream...
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:57 PM · On: Chapter 9 - Truth
"You don't kill people. She does. It's as simple as that." there has to be some criteria to help Dean make his life and death decisions and there it is in a nutshell. He's seen monsters who were able to change their lives but as soon as they revert back to harming humans then they become something to be eradicated.
Author's Response: I think with their hard lives and the impossible decisions they are forced to make, they need that clarity, that definition of what deserves to die. Here particularly, I truly believe Dean saw it as black and white, simple. She killed humans, she has to die. I'm glad that Dean can have some definition in his life, something that isn't all murky and unclear. So much isn't. B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:53 PM · On: Chapter 8 - Lies
Sam and Dean need to stop telling one another not to keep secrets. It's a necessary part of their lives. Sure, it sucks to find out something about your brother that you didn't want to know but it isn't like this is new to them. It would be great if they could always be honest with one another but as long as they care about one another's feelings there will be lies.
Author's Response: I think that is so true. Honestly is great, but you can't always not lie if you are trying to protect your loved ones, especially in their line of work. Secrets are hard, and they should try to be upfront with each other. But at times...they may be necessary. I think they both know the other is always looking out for them, even if they don't agree. It's a step in the right direction! Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 31/01/12 04:51 PM · On: Chapter 7 - Weakness
Dean has the rare opportunity to see this situation from many different perspectives. He's the boy whose had his mother murdered, he's the brother of someone who hasn't done any wrong but is judged as if he has, and he is the hunter who must protect innocent people from the monsters who prey on them. I think John would have killed the child without much thought. That's one of the big differences between John and Dean.
Author's Response: I too think John would have killed the child. As much as Dean wanted to be like his dad, and as much as he feared he would do the same thing to Ben that John did to him, he is not his father! Dean has this innate rightness about himself and his actions. He is so hard on himself and yet he is always empathizing with others. He doesn't see it, and in the beginning he was pretty rigid, but over the years he's proven himself a great moral compass. His only failing is he never sees things in a favorable light concerning his own actions. He is his worst critic. I could talk about Dean and his decisions all night...and I often do. lol Later, B.J.
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