Reviewer: penmin(Signed) · Date: 13/08/11 10:14 AM · On: Chapter 1
Interesting one-shot, just a suggestion, try breaking up the block of writing by adding gaps between paragraphs, and the dialogue. it just makes it easier to read. Have a look at how others have done it. Otherwise it's not too bad. :)
Thanks for the review! I'll certianly keep that in mind.