Reviewer: BritLit (Signed) · Date: 27/04/11 05:36 PM · On: Chapter 3 - The Road Less Traveled
Wow! How did I misS this amazing piece until now?? As always, BJ, you capture Dean so astounding well---Bobby too...I can picture Jensen and Jim so clearly. Dean has such deep,intense emotions and it seems we've not seen much of them thus far this season---how delightful to see them here. How I'd adore to see all these scenes played out onscreen...WELL DONE AS ALWAYS!
Author's Response: Thanks, glad you found this story. I love exploring Dean's emotions, and losing Sam, facing a life without his brother, not to mention the guilt of living period...well, that needed to be addressed. Just how exactly did Dean manage to move forward? I love the possibilities of Lisa and Ben, of allowing Dean the hope of another life, even though we saw from the opening montage of 6.1 that Dean never forgot. And I love the bond between Bobby and Dean, love the idea that Bobby helped him accept that he could live again. Thanks for another lovely review. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Oceane (Signed) · Date: 09/02/11 07:45 PM · On: Chapter 3 - The Road Less Traveled
Awww...I shed tears in my eyes while reading the conversation between Bobby and Dean, Heartbreaking. I enjoyed the scene of Dean and Ben laughing while playing ball and the end scene of Dean, Lisa and Ben together so with time he'll learn to be happy again. Like Mizpah the line that got me it's this one: He opened his box and lovingly place his most precious memories inside, next to his mom and all those childhood moments so long gone, very powerful and poignant. Beautifully done B.J.
Author's Response: Thanks, I really appreciate the kind words. Jensen slays me as Dean. He opens his heart and those eyes and draws you into his pain. I simply try to channel that and picture the scenes in my mind and then transcribe it into print. Glad to know I had the desired effect. I think Dean would never surrender Sam, but he couldn't continue on reliving all those moments, asking all those impossible questions and just feeling that pain. He needed to find a way to hold on while letting go. I think that is the most difficult thing he could ever do, and it would be a constant struggle, but Dean is so strong. After all the heartbreak of Dean's struggles to find an equilibrium I enjoyed giving him a moment with Ben. I think Ben did allow him to come out of his own grief and focus on something good. And what a joyful image to picture Dean Winchester playing catch! I feel like Dean only got a childhood thru Sam's and now Ben's childhoods. He takes pleasure in the ones he loves having fun, and in so doing he is allowed a little himself. So richly deserved. Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 07/02/11 09:03 PM · On: Chapter 3 - The Road Less Traveled
He opened his box and lovingly placed his most precious memories inside, next to his mom and all those childhood moments so long gone. That line really got to me. The thought of Dean laying each treasured memory of Sam in the same box that held the mental images of his mother had me reaching for the tissues. I love how Bobby faced his own pain and tried to reason it out for Dean. And I loved how Dean plowed straight on to ask Bobby how to cope with a grief so raw and devasating, it ripped your heart out just thinking about it. And the final heartbreaking moment was when Dean drove the Impala into the shed and covered her up, laying her inside the "box" with his beloved brother and mother. It showed just how strong Dean really is, in that he was trying to move on, to honour the promise that he made to Sam about living his apple-pie life, and also being true to himself. As Bobby said, Dean was never a quitter, despite the crushing burdens of destiny and the unspeakable horrors he'd faced. And even though the loss of Sam was indeed like a hole ripped through their souls that would never be healed, I think that Dean was honouring Sam's memory more by living than by slowly dying. Oh, dear....more tissues needed. Hope the phone doesn't ring - not sure I can answer coherently at the moment. Great story, an emotional roller-coaster ride as only you can do. Bringing the reader practically to his or her knees right alongside our heroes, feeling every inch of their pain and anguish and holding up a mirror to our own lives. Never, never obsolete. And I agree - lol, actually had an in-depth discussion with Petra over this when it was revealed, and we were on opposite sides which is a bit unusual for us. She felt Bobby had betrayed Dean by staying silent. But like you, I understood Bobby's reason. As he said, Dean was out, he had a chance at a real life, and Bobby wasn't going to take that away from him. Even though Dean was hurt by the decision to keep Sam's presence from him, I could see that Bobby didn't do it out of malice or spite, but out of love for Dean, misguided as that decision might have been. Love your work, hun. Jules
Author's Response: Jules, I love your reviews, so thought out and special. Thank you. I love Dean's relationship with Bobby and the more I thought about it the more the similarities struck me. And while Dean's pain is so devastating, there is nothing like having two characters feeling the pain. And I know Bobby not only felt the loss of Sam, he ached for Dean's pain too. Dean is fearless, even when facing losing Sam and learning how to cope. I too loved that he fought for understanding and he kept pressing on even as he struggled.
I actually don't know now whether I've used the box analogy before or not...I know I always think about Dean compartmentalizing his feelings and locking up his hurts in a dark place where he can deal with them. So he also holds on to the good memories, even tho they hurt too from the loss. Jensen just shows us Dean's pain and the love he feels for his family. I actually had someone ask me to write the story of how Dean stored the Impala but until I watched EOMS I wasn't sure he would do that. Once it was confirmed it all made sense to me. She held too many memories, kept him locked in the past. Thank goodness it allowed us that phenomenal scene where he threw off the tarp and roared back down the road! Some seemed to want Dean to follow Sam into the pit, or they think Dean would have offed himself. But Dean is strong, is a fighter and while it was almost his undoing, I love that he made it thru the year and we see glimpses that he did share a life with Lisa and Ben. I really hope they show that Bobby did check up on Dean just like John did when Sam was at Stanford. I don't like the idea that Bobby would just let him be. They are too close and he cares too deeply. I totally buy that he didn't tell Dean about Sam because of that love and trying to protect him. I think we all wanted to see Dean have that life he so wanted. But bottom line is he wanted his brother more...or equally. I still think back to how he originally chose to stay with Lisa and Ben. That might have been a moment of growth, the acceptance of the brothers living separate lives as long as he knew Sam was okay.
Til next time, take care, B.J.
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 07/02/11 08:33 PM · On: Chapter 2 - Stranger in a Strange Land
"That's my point, Bobby. He saved the whole damn planet, he sacrificed it all and what'd he get? A hole in the ground...an eternity trapped in the box with the Devil." Dean struggled to continue, his voice growing ever more combative. "And where's God in all this? Where's Sam's heavenly reward?" His eyes turned fierce, as protective as they had ever been concerning his brother. "How the hell can God let this stand?" And that's why I get so annoyed with the rabid Dean girls who felt Sam should have stayed locked in the cage and Dean should live happily ever after in wedded bliss with Lisa, forgetting he even had a brother! I still consider myself a Dean girl and always will, but man, I was shattered when Sam took that dive. I was asking myself the exact same thing - surely it can't end there. Surely Sam deserved a far better fate than this. Surely God would finally intervene and save him from the cage and eternal torment. This was a hard chapter to read, only for the gut-wrenching emotions that were brought to the surface. The slow but steady breaking down of Dean's shakily constructed walls and the unrelenting pain of losing the brother he'd raised. Begging for answers. And Bobby breaking just as badly because he had no answers to give, both trapped in a helpless, hopeless situation of knowing Sam is in the worst part of hell, and being unable to do a thing about it. How indeed, do they move on from that? Have to mention, I really loved that line of Dean's where he said "Sam was the best of us..." Especially given what Sam said to Dean about considering himself to be the very least of them all. I have wondered whether Sam took that fall so willingly, not only because he had sussed it all out and come to the only conclusion available to save mankind, but perhaps also because he felt in his own mind that he had nowhere else to go but down. That he thought he could only atone for what he had done by sacrificing all that he was, and went to his destruction with his head held high. Sam, with his crazy mixed-up thought processes and bottomless well of guilt, just breaks my heart at times. Jules
Author's Response: This was a chapter that I worried brought no resolution, but then I rationalized that there was no solution to Dean's pain or answers to his questions. I'm glad show hasn't answered God's place in all this either. All the questions were there at the end of SS and compassion and logic would dictate that if God brought back Castiel, then certainly he would bring back Sam, right? Sam deserves to be saved!
I do believe that both Sam and Dean are the best of humanity and both think the other is better and more deserving. Interesting that Sam might have thought he deserved this or needed to do it to atone. I think he stands up and takes responsibility and made Dean so proud that he did. I just think he decided that it was the only way and he started it and he had to finish it. This entire story feels like one step forward, two steps back with Dean and his struggles, but then that's what I imagine his life was like. And grief, this is grief magnified by a 100 with a generous amount of guilt and regret and just...everything terrible that a Winchester could feel. I'm just glad the story resonates as realistic for Dean. And I really want to see Jensen act it further with flashbacks. The montage of Beautiful Loser perfectly showed where his head was at even a year after losing Sam. So aside from Bobby's appearance, which I still prefer over the idea that Bobby would leave him on his own, I think my story fills in the missing year. At least they didn't do anything in canon that is vastly different, thank goodness!
Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 07/02/11 08:11 PM · On: Chapter 1 - As Night Comes, Darkness Descends
This time he was the one to move to hold her, gripping tightly as he pulled her back to him, his chest heaving as he held on to life, to hope; the beating of her heart the only thing keeping him going, reminding him that his brother’s sacrifice meant something. I have to admit, I choked up at that line. Hey, hun. Finally got around to this one. I think you captured Dean's desperation, his "caught-between" mental and emotional state perfectly. As has been revealed now, it was an extremely rough ride for Dean, his heart torn to pieces by his brother's sacrifice and the knowledge of what Sam could be enduring coupled with the fact that he could never be rescued. Soul-crushing grief, lonliness, helplessness and survivor guilt all rolled together. Loved Lisa's understanding; even though she couldn't really help him, it wasn't going to stop her from trying. And while some might think it was a bit harsh of her to keep reminding Dean that he couldn't attempt his brother's rescue, I feel she was doing the right thing - Sam had made Dean promise, and the risk of letting Lucifer out again was just too great. Sam's sacrifice would have been for nothing if Dean had tried to open the cage. Even though I was devastated by Sam's fate, I can see where Lisa was coming from. Gah, convoluted review - need more caffeine... Oh, and have to say, Show might kick you to AU, my friend, but never will your stories be obsolete. Jules
Author's Response: Ah, Jules! Always a pleasure to hear from you. I sometimes forget that some don't like Lisa. I remember rewriting one of her lines to make it seem more tender and less like she was telling him what to do. In my mind I always thought that it was Dean himself who told her he couldn't try to get Sam out. How else would she know? So I never considered her response to him anything less than her being understanding and sweetly telling him what he already knew. She was trying to comfort him and help him ease away from Sam and towards his new life with her. Man, just the idea is heartbreaking, knowing how much Dean loves his brother! I think the line you quoted showed how much Dean needed Lisa, needed to believe in something, to feel something, other than just his despair at losing Sam. I think without Lisa and Ben Dean might (might) have been either self-destructive or like Sam in Mystery Spot, totally focused on the hunt and void of any emotional feelings. It hurts to feel...but being with Lisa helped him see that love can feel good too. I really loved theorizing on how Dean coped. I hope the show gives us further insight because it would have been the most demanding thing he ever had to do and yet being Dean, being our strong and courageous hero, he would fight thru as long as he had something to fight for. And while we always knew his normal life with Lisa couldn't last, I love that he had it for a moment. He so deserves that even if it was under the most brutal of circumstances.
Man, I think my reply is longer than the chapter! LOL Later, B.J.
Reviewer: mamapranayama (Signed) · Date: 04/02/11 08:57 AM · On: Chapter 3 - The Road Less Traveled
Great angsty story, I loved it. I look forward to reading whatever you write next. :D
Author's Response: Thank you, every review is treasured these days! Out of all the angsty stories, I see this one as totally realistic knowing how emotional Dean is concerning his brother. This would have been THE most difficult thing for Dean to ever accomplish, finding a way to move on with his life knowing where Sam was and what he was enduring. I hope Show offers us some flashbacks and insight into how Dean managed to move on to the point we find him in 6.01. It would have been the most excruciatingly painful journey of his life, and I don't see him accomplishing it without help. I think he would have needed Bobby more than ever... Glad you enjoyed my story and my version of how Dean survived as best he could. Take care, B.J.
Reviewer: Soennelchen (Signed) · Date: 04/02/11 07:07 AM · On: Chapter 3 - The Road Less Traveled
Hey B.J., I am stopping by to say thank you for this wonderful piece of writing! Sorry that not many people have reviewed - but you sure presented a little jewel here which is so worth to read! I actually have some household chores long overdue and thought to get to work while the baby is sleeping, but instead a took a long needed mom-break and sat down and read this in one piece. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I love how you showed Dean's inner turmoil, I love your Bobby and I love Lisa - and I hate when people hate her. Not that I want to see a domesticated Dean forever, but something in the middle would be great. Looking forward to more of your stories! Hugs from Germany :)
Author's Response: Thank you for reading and for commenting. Yes, it is difficult when reviews are down, makes even the most focused writer doubt themselves. I feel for those who labor over their stories and get no reviews. I don't know how they maintain their efforts without some positive reinforcement. I get enough to keep me going. As a mom taking care of a family you also don't get as much credit as you deserve, so I am glad you got a little break and my story was worthwhile for you. I totally agree, Dean Winchester will never be a domesticated Dean, but to allow him this moment, to give him someone besides his family who cares for him and respects him and sees his worth...he so deserves that! And it was just a temporary respite from the harshness of his hunting life and just another wonderful flavor of Dean. And I too love Bobby and while I fully support what the real writers write on the show, I still have issues with Bobby not being there for Dean as I have him here in my story. I still think my scenario works, he could still find out about Sam getting out and keep quiet about it, IF he knew first hand that Dean had tentatively been able to move on and embrace his new life with Lisa and Ben. And strong as Dean is, I totally see him struggling and needing the support to get to that place where we find him in 6.01. And I love hearing from Germany, the internet is so wonderful knowing that we share this passion across nationalities and oceans! My mom's family is all German ancestry, even tho they've been here in the US over 150 years now!
Again, thanks for the lovely review, much appreciated! Take care, B.J.
Reviewer: Primrose (Signed) · Date: 19/10/10 10:16 PM · On: Chapter 2 - Stranger in a Strange Land
I love Bobby too! I totally think he'd be there for Dean and talk some sense into him- just like you wrote!
Author's Response: I know! I always hate second-guessing the show, and they are the real writers telling the real story, but while I can accept that Bobby would stay away to respect Dean's wishes...and that Dean might want to not be reminded of Sam every time he looked at Bobby, I cannot think that Bobby wouldn't have at least checked up on him and made sure that Dean was doing okay. So I totally wish my version was the official version, but I'm still really interested to see what they have in mind for how Dean got thru that first year. Thanks for reading and reviewing, it really means a lot. Later, B.J.
Reviewer: Primrose (Signed) · Date: 19/10/10 01:18 PM · On: Chapter 1 - As Night Comes, Darkness Descends
I wonder how that year went with Lisa and Ben- they hint at things, but you never see it. I hope there was a moment like that.
Author's Response: I so want to see the official version, to see how Lisa was there to comfort Dean. We know she must have, Dean has said he had nightmares and was in bad shape. And we've seen how caring Lisa is. So far I've been pretty happy with how my story still fits in with what the real version says. The only difference is Bobby coming around to check up on Dean. I hope the show at least says that Bobby did that without Dean knowing...kind of like how John checked up on Sam at Stanford. I just don't want that full separation. Dean needed his family, his old familiar family and Bobby was all that was left. But he also needed his new family and I love the idea that Lisa was intuitive and attentive to his needs. It's about time that Dean was truly loved and cared for. Thanks again, B.J.
Reviewer: Oceane (Signed) · Date: 17/10/10 09:41 AM · On: Chapter 2 - Stranger in a Strange Land
I just found this story and now I'm hooked. Loved the idea of Bobby visiting Dean and ask him and see with his own eyes how he's doing. Dean is so a broken man by now. What's going to happen next, I'm looking forward to see where you're going with this story B.J.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yes, I was disappointed that Bobby apparently never really checked in on Dean and in my version Dean needs some guidance and help moving on. I love the bond between Dean and Bobby and I want to see Bobby there for Dean, helping him with this difficult transition and making sure he truly is okay, particularly if he is keeping crucial information from him. I'm glad you found my story. Take care, B.J.
Reviewer: supernatfem76 (Signed) · Date: 23/09/10 05:58 AM · On: Chapter 1 - As Night Comes, Darkness Descends
Another wonderful tag from you to Swan Song. I think you really captured how Dean would be feeling about losing Sam. I think he would have a difficult time coping with that loss. Please continue this. I would like to see where it goes.
Author's Response: Thanks for all the support, it truly is appreciated. It seems like this story is drawing no attention, probably bad timing to post it on the verge of the premiere. I am going to find it fascinating to see how Dean did cope with losing Sammy. I can't seem him being okay at first. Dean is strong, capable of surviving so much, but losing Sam to Hell would damn near break him. Enjoy the S6 premiere. I can't wait to see how the real writers handle their year apart. Take care, B.J.
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