Reviewer: impalamedean1 (Signed) · Date: 08/02/10 07:15 PM · On: Prologue

This was pretty good, but heres some suggestions.

1. if this is gonna be a longer story, you should make it a little longer, try 500 or more words.

2. Dont end the sentenses too quickly, its a little choppy.

 Overall, it seems like a good story line and Im looking foreward to your nect update

Jess