I'm really afraid of what will happen when Dean DOES really break.  It's an interesting idea that he knew the doctor was a figment of his imagination even BEFORE the big reveal in the episode.  Good job!

Author's Response:

Yeah, once we knew the doc was hallucinated, looking back after their first encounter, the expression on Dean's face as he wandered the halls, how distracted he was when Sam called out to him, man, you do worry about his state of mind.

And I think it shows how close to the edge he is, just how easily he could lose it.  Any other man would have cracked long ago and you wonder, just how much longer can Dean live under this constant, unrelenting pressure?

If Show goes there, Jensen will have a terrific acting opportunity and I'd like to see it just for that.  Thanks for reading and reviewing.  Later, B.J.

I loved the verbal sparring between Dean and the psychiatrist.  I think you really did a fantastic job writing how Dean feels about his life and starting the apocalypse.  

Author's Response: Thanks!  I love writing dialogue for Dean.  He is such a rich, well-rounded character, capable of the smartass remarks in addition to all the pain he tries to hide.  This was a challenge to try and get the mix right.  Glad to hear you enjoyed it.  Take care, B.J.

"But I'm not any man."  Well, isn't that the truth?  Dean Winchester is unlike any man there is.  Unfortunately, he's lying to himself if he thinks he can just keep pushing all this down and he's never going to break.  And he was wrong to tell Sam to do the same because Sam is definitely not wired the same as Dean.  Sam needs to talk, he needs to try and fix things.

I enjoyed your journey into Dean's thoughts.  I think they're pretty much spot on what Dean would be thinking.  And I assume you think the same as me, that the doc was a hallucination all along, she was never real?  I thought she looked a lot like Meg.

Great story.

Author's Response:

Hey, Micaiah!

I originally thought the doc was real for their first encounter.  That made sense to me, that later, when he hallucinated he would call upon her to be his sounding board.  I later agreed that she was in his head the entire time.  I think that just surprised me that he was that 'crazy' almost as soon as they got there.  But I think it works to show how much he needs to talk with someone and just how close to the edge he truly is.

I too do not believe his approach of shoving it all down and not dealing with it will work for him or Sam.  It might have worked in the past, but Dean has been denying his hurts for too long.  Between Hell and the pressure to stop Lucifer, he is near the breaking point.

And I do believe that once he cracks, once he faces up to his personal demons he will come out stronger.  Both he and Sam.  And it will probably be the only way they will be able to fight this fight.

At one point I wondered (as I'm sure Dean flashed on) whether the shrink was Meg, come to torment him.  I liked how it played out, but of course, I wanted more...hence my story.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it, thanks for reading and reviewing.  - B.J.

The back and forth, incessant digging into Dean's psyche, the walls slowly but steadily being eroded under the barrage of pointed questions - really, really well done.

We all know Dean's a mess under that tough hunter exterior, and we heard Sam voice what is going on inside him that worries him so much, but it was one heck of a journey to actually walk through Dean's buried thoughts and feelings with his inner voice as tour guide. 

And I have a feeling that Dean's advice to bury it deep and get on with the job at the end of the episode is going to come back and bite them on the bum somewhere down the track.....

Question, though - what is "thraped"? I haven't heard that term before - not surprising, since I usually stay the hell away from things like acronyms, modern terms and political correctness......*shudders*....those things give me the heebie-jeebies. When I watched the eppy, I thought Dean had said he'd been raped, and I almost shot off my chair. Cookie6 thought he'd said mind-raped, which made more sense than raped. That part of the dialogue wasn't exactly clear on playback. 

And that was a fairly ominous, but accurate, prediction at the end - sooner or later their walls will crack, and hopefully they will survive the fallout. 

Great job, BJ - lovely to see you back on the boards again.  Thank you so much for sharing this. Painstakingly well-crafted as always.

Jules

Author's Response:

Thanks, Jules!  You always give such lovely, thought out reviews, much appreciated.  I had to close-caption my TV and it said 'thraped', I took it to be Dean's disgust at being subjected to 'therapy' and his way of combining it with rape to imply he was forced into the mind-shrink stuff he so hates. 

I do believe that his way of dealing with things, shoving them down and ignoring them will come back to bite them in the ass.  That only works for so long, but I believe both he and Sam are made of sturdy stuff and will come out stronger in the end once they face up to their issues.

Dean is a fascinating subject to dig through his psyche.  Originally, I had more snark and his normal cocky defenses, but on rewatching the episode, it struck me how very serious he was through most of the exchanges with his shrink.  Dean really is more subdued now, more introspective even though he refuses to allow himself the comfort of sharing his pain.

And no one but Jensen could convey so much in those scenes.  We are so lucky to have this show and the Js playing these intriguing characters.  It certainly gives us plenty of opportunities to explore their lives in our stories, right?

Thanks again and take care, B.J.