Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 12/03/10 04:25 AM · On: Chapter 7
Ominous.....especially given the legend of the Yuki-Onna sparing the life of a victim, but if he betrays her, she will return to take his life. Or at least I think that's how it goes.....meh, it's late and I'm tired - and probably off my banana, as a good friend would say. Thank heavens Cas stopped Sam from sacrificing himself for nothing. And thank heavens Cas went with Sam into his dream - and popped out long enough to rescue Dean before getting back to Sam. Gotta love a helpful angel. Thanks for sharing, Jules
Author's Response: Hi Jules, thanks for sticking with this one to the end and reviewing all the way! Probably not the greatest story out there but it was my first one so hopefully I did improve a bit with the sequel!
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 12/03/10 04:17 AM · On: Chapter 6
So not good - and expected, actually, but in reverse. I half expect Zachariah to snatch Sam and throw him to Lucifer to force Dean to say yes to Michael. When will the boys catch a break..... Can only imagine what Sam's going through, and how Lucifer's gloating... This is going to end messy, isn't it? Jules
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 12/03/10 04:12 AM · On: Chapter 5
Geez, Bobby was a bit harsh on Sam, wasn't he? Maybe he should take another belt of scotch.... So, Dean is going to be used as a pawn to get Sam to say yes. This is going to get very messy... And what's with the Yuki-Onna's strange fixation? Is she up to something? Jules
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 12/03/10 04:06 AM · On: Chapter 4
Ah, so it is Meg. Not good - Dean's fair game for the demons, so they can do what they like to him basically. Unless they stop to consider what that will do to Sam, and how they can use Dean as a bargaining chip. Which is not good......*bites nails*... Jules
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 12/03/10 03:58 AM · On: Chapter 3
Well, that sounds ominous - the succubus has Sam, but it's not allowed to do anything to him - and who belongem the other voice? Meg? Uh-oh.....was it a trap for Sam all along? Jules
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 01/02/10 03:02 PM · On: Chapter 2
Hmm, so it wasn't Sam who had disappeared, it seems, but Dean.... And I bet he's kicking himself for walking straight into that trap. So, not a succubus then. Something way more sinister. Dean's in serious trouble. Jules
Author's Response: It wouldn't be fun if nobody got in trouble now, would it!
Reviewer: mizpah (Signed) · Date: 01/02/10 02:57 PM · On: Chapter 1
Intriguing start - and almost certainly means trouble for the boys.... Question though - and it's not a criticism, just curiosity - but the comment about Dean's aversion to washing - lots of people seem to think that Dean doesn't shower regularly for some reason - I just wondered why. His love of showers - especially ones with loads of hot water - was established in Bugs, and then there's the whole ladies' man image....just you know...wondering. Anyway, Dean's tiredness at yet one more symptom of the apocalypse was well done, and I liked the teasing at the end. Jules
Author's Response: That's funny, I'd forgotten I put that in the banter - I don't think I was going for the whole unwashed and smelly Dean I've read in some other stories - you are right, that doesn't seem to fit either what we see of the boys in the series or Dean's ladykiller image. I certainly don't find smelly men very attractive!!! I think I was just going for the sort of childish "and you smell"-type stuff you get between kids!
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 02/01/10 09:07 PM · On: Chapter 7
Great finish to your story. I like that Cas accompanied Sam in his dream. They don't have the same connection as Cas and Dean....so I like that Cas is backing up Sam this time as he confronts Lucifer. And I like the mini-chick-flick moment for the boys after that perilous misadventure.
Wonder what the Yuki-onna's gonna do to Dean's mojo in return for helping him get away! Sounds ominous. Do you have a sequel planned? (I know.....you just tackled your 1st longer story......but you could challenge yourself even more!*smiles encouragingly*)
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 02/01/10 08:59 PM · On: Chapter 6
That Meg's not a nice demon! Well....you know what I mean! Interesting comment about the Enochian branding.....I was wondering if a broken rib would break the seal, and clearly you were thinking the same thing. But even all the physical torture is nothing compared to the thought of Lucifer being with Sam in his dreams! I read on....eagerly!
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 02/01/10 07:06 PM · On: Chapter 7
Sounds like a sequel in the making?? Good story, AMB.
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 02/01/10 06:57 PM · On: Chapter 6
You know, I have wondered if the Enochian sigils would still work if the boy's ribs were broken. I love how you described Meg's face as waxy because that's exactly what it is!
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 01/01/10 12:07 PM · On: Chapter 5
Good chapter, AMB. I hope Lucifer's arrogance is his downfall in your story and on the show!
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 31/12/09 06:11 PM · On: Chapter 4
OOH! Meg's in the wicked mix now! I'm hanging on for more!! (had to look up cudgelled....not commonly used here.....but the exercise was educational)
Author's Response: Ha ha well you know how we IOLs like to use SPN to educate each other!
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 31/12/09 04:18 PM · On: Chapter 4
I like the descriptions from Dean's POV. We really have this sick desire for Meg to torture Dean, don't we? :) And poor Dean, being naked while she's torturing him.
Author's Response: Yes, naked tortured Dean....mmmm
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 31/12/09 12:17 AM · On: Chapter 3
"gathered the lapels of Dean’s jacket in one hand and lifted the dead weight of his brother’s inert form off the cold damp ground." I like that description. No typos, except we spell vapor without a "u" here. I'd like to find out what happens next!
Author's Response: Keeping to British spelling (just can't bring myself to go that far into US-isms!!). Done the other corrections suggested below though - thanks to SRH and T.
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 31/12/09 12:12 AM · On: Chapter 2
Ahhh! I recognize that girl! Too bad Dean didn't right away. Carry on! :)
Oh! I like your "Two Winchester voices"paragraph. Of note, couples in the US don't have a "row", we have fights or arguments (unless you want Yuki to speak less American since she' s a succubus/supernatural being). Yes.....I'm picking on your Britishisms. Hope you don't mind;)
Author's Response: Mmm, bound to have Britishness creeping in (I can't quite keep up US-speak all the time I don't think) but it's useful to know these things... Thanks Terri!
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 31/12/09 12:00 AM · On: Chapter 1
Carry on! I see the Michigan thing was already mentioned. Nice opening paragraph as a hook.
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 30/12/09 10:04 PM · On: Chapter 3
AMB, I do actually think you made a couple of typos in the first (I believe) paragraph on the last chapter. Also, I'm a little confused (or I missed something....which is entirely possible). Chicago is in Illinois but it appears you have it in Michigan? I want to know how they're going to get out of this one! Must finish before the 3rd! Is that Meg with the nasal twang??? Kill her please! :)
Author's Response: Ooh I'll check again for the typos and DOH on the Michigan thing!! I forgot to check my geography...!
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 29/12/09 10:14 PM · On: Chapter 1
Carry on whether anybody says anything or not. Like you told me, if you have a story, tell it. They've never come across a succubus before so I'm interested in seeing how that works out. Does Dean's reluctance to visit the Windy City in any way reflect our disappointment that Jensen hasn't confirmed for the Con yet? :)
Author's Response: Obviously I'm hoping Dean's reluctance isn't a reflection of Jensen's feelings!
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