Reviewer: gidgetgal9 (Signed) · Date: 01/05/10 03:27 PM · On: Chapter 1
Being a big Bon Jovi fan, it was kind of hard to read this one knowing that that song in the end caused Sam (and Dean) so much grief- but it makes total sense. I loved the brotherly moment at the end. Awesome. :) Gidget
Author's Response: Ooh, bad me! Missed another one! *hits self upside the head*.... Yes, I know what you mean. I'm a big Bon Jovi fan as well, and hearing that song, which I happen to love, always gives me goosebumps now. We - Cookie6 and myself - actually used the song in Here At as well, playing on a jukebox in a bar to give poor Sammy a really bad moment. I just thought that with Sam feeling things as deeply as he does, and taking everything to heart, he'd not be able to listen to that song without falling apart in the weeks following Dean's death. Or for a long time, actually. I remember my grandmother shedding a few tears without fail, every time her late sister's favourite song played on the radio, even years after Auntie Von's death. I figured it would be the same for Sam. Thanks hun, so thrilled you enjoyed this. I sat on this one for a while, as there was a scene or two that I felt wasn't flowing right. Finally it all came together and my beta made me post it before I could hide it away again - LOL. Jules
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 09/12/09 09:50 PM · On: Chapter 1
I really love this one. I had actually read it when I was just a lurker here but it was just as good the second time around! The image of Sam destroying the cassette in a moment of rage and then realizing he was destroying something of Dean's....heartbreaking.
Author's Response: Thank you, Micaiah. It was just something I could really see Sam doing - the anger and grief overtaking him and causing him to vent it on the thing that had brought the pain so sharply into focus, then slowly regaining his senses and being horrified that he had damaged something of his brother's - like severing one more link to Dean. So glad that came across to you so well. Jules
Reviewer: thirdwatchfanatic (Signed) · Date: 22/10/09 06:29 PM · On: Chapter 1
Wow! Your story fits like a missing puzzle piece - very clever! Loved it!
Author's Response: Thank you for that. I was a bit worried about this one, and I was hoping that I'd hit the right resonance with Sam's little breakdown in the flashback. So glad you loved it. Jules
Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 13/10/09 10:05 PM · On: Chapter 1
Perfect! Great connection back to John's death, and to Sam visiting the crossroads. Really good story.
Author's Response: Thank you for that. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. I did wonder what ever happened to that CCR tape myself, actually. Can't imagine that Dean would have wanted to listen to it much after the accident and their dad's death. And I just had to tie in that crossroads trip. I imagined that it happened not long after Dean's death, after Sam had exhausted pretty much every other possibility. Thanks so much for reading. Jules
Reviewer: jeanne (Signed) · Date: 13/10/09 09:37 AM · On: Chapter 1
Very nicely done! I loved the way you tied in the CCR tape giving the boys a common ground.
Author's Response: Thanks Jeanne. I love symmetry - must be because I'm a bookkeeper - lol. But I love looking for common links, and the tapes seemed to give me just that. I wouldn't have thought Dean would have kept the CCR tape, giving the memories that particular track would have evoked. And of course, one can only imagine how Sam would react to hearing Dead Or Alive again. Thank you for popping in and having a look. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Jules
Reviewer: Oceane (Signed) · Date: 10/10/09 11:08 PM · On: Chapter 1
I would have loved to see this missing scene in the series, we didn't get enough of Sam's grief over Dean's death. How heartbreaking when Sam broke the tape and right after trying to put it together like it was the last reminder of Dean. Salting and burning the tape, what a wonderful idea DEan had to help Sam to start healing like it helped Dean when he did the same when John died. Jules, that was an amazing, poignant piece of writing.
Author's Response: Thankyou, hun. No, we don't get to see that much of Sam's grief. We hardly saw it at all over John's death, and yet we all know that he would have felt that deeply, as he does everything. But Sam internalises a lot, and it doesn't give us much of a glimpse into how he really feels, apart from those wonderful scenes like in 4.09 when we got to see part of the devastation in the wake of Dean's death. Oh, well - suppose it gives we fanfic writers more to play with - LOL. Yes, it was sad when Sam was trying to put the tape back together - grief makes you do some really strange things. And I'm stoked that you loved the salt and burn idea. It just seemed such a Winchester thing to do. Thanks hun! Jules
Reviewer: CatzEye (Signed) · Date: 10/10/09 09:21 PM · On: Chapter 1
Wow! - What a nicely-written, emotional little story this is-- So glad I happened upon it -- Excellently done!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for that. It's been in the folder gathering dust for a few months now, but I just couldn't get past the first scene with Dean cleaning out the boot of the Impala. Sometimes a story just gets stuck, and you have to walk away until the muse pushes it under your nose and says "That one next!". Thank you for reading. Catch you around the boards. Jules
Reviewer: vonnie836 (Signed) · Date: 10/10/09 07:43 PM · On: Chapter 1
You know I really appreciated this one. I still get the chills every time I hear the song on the radio and I have the image of the two brothers in the car in front of me, Sam singing his heart out off tune. It would be so fitting that accidentally listening to the tape after Dean died would bring out all the pain he tried to bury. I loved the image of Sam haunting Bobby's house like a ghost. I just can imagine that time taking all the life out of him. I think for those four months he didn't live, he only existed. I can see that Dean finding the tape and showing it to him had to be like being pushed into a hole for Sam. All the memories coming rushing back and overwhelming him. Even though Dean is back, the memory of the time without him, all the emotions, the guilt over Dean having to suffer in hell and how lost he felt are still there and always will be. And no matter what, Sam knows hooking up with Ruby was and still is wrong, it was just his only way of coping with what happened. Dean understood as soon as he realized what he held in his hand and I loved his solution. A little salt and burn, get rid of the ghosts that haunt you. I guess it's not a permanent solution for Sam but it sure helped for the moment and in the long run I think the most important thing is that he knows Dean understands. And Dean finally can see some of the old Sammy come through again. Sam's laughter has to be like sweet classic rock in his ears. And they even got to tease Bobby a little and Dean gets Sam by demanding a new tape from him. Nice ending. I like this because I know how 'old' grief sometimes gets me. I have to push the memory away to not loose it all over again. I want to look at pictures, want to remember, and sometimes I can, but sometimes it overwhelms me so that I just have to look away, push it away and tell myself, "don't go there". Great that you dusted that one off and finished it. Can't wait to see more. Hugs, Vonnie
Author's Response: Hullo sweetie! Oh, I know what you mean. Petra gets the same feeling when she hears the song Time Has Come Today, which was the opening song for ELAC. Sometimes the memories just slam into you like a runaway truck. And yes, you're absolutely right - Sam only existed during those four months. That's how that biatch Ruby got past his defenses. Even though he did know it was wrong, he was so desperate that he was willing to do anything to get Dean back and make that pain go away. And she got inside his head something chronic. Ah, so chuffed that you liked the salt and burn. It was a very Winchester solution, wasn't it? Exorcising some personal ghosts. And I'm with you - grief is grief, no matter how old or how fresh. Sometimes it's the silliest or simplest things that set us off. A picture, a song, a phrase, a place - even a random thought, and off we go, howling into a handful of tissues for a few minutes. It doesn't go away - we just learn to deal with it a little better over time. But the loss still hurts. hugs Jules
Reviewer: bia1007 (Signed) · Date: 10/10/09 03:30 PM · On: Chapter 1
I actually was a bit hesitant at first to start reading, I think I knew it wouldn't be so easy for me, you write these painful moments nearly too good, too real; it is this way, seeing some little object the memories come back with terrible force (very true: Grief had a nasty habit of jumping up and biting you on the ass when you least expected it.) and for Sam it must have felt like going back to the day he'd lost Dean. It was as if a part of Dean had been lost. And Sam couldn't bear any more loss. The comfort and closure Dean gave his brother here was amazing though and just showed he always will be there for him, not giving up on him - But sometimes, like now, Sam acted like the kid Dean had left behind, and that gave him hope that his Sammy was still in there somewhere. Buried deep, but there just the same. Thoroughly loved this story!
Author's Response: Hi, Sabine, I know what you mean, and I know how Sam feels. My man died thirteen years ago, and a couple of years ago I was cleaning out my sewing box and came across a beanie that I'd only half-finished. I'd been crocheting it for Steve when he died, and had just stuffed the whole thing, hook and all, into the little white paper bag and shoved it into the back corner of the sewing box. Well, I just sat down on the spare bed and bawled my eyes out, even though at that time he'd been gone ten years. Seeing that half-finished cap just tore at my heart - just like Sam with the tape. And his grief was a lot fresher than mine. Thank you, hun, for being brave and tackling this, even though the subject matter was tough. *huge hugs* Jules
Reviewer: amethyst (Signed) · Date: 10/10/09 01:25 AM · On: Chapter 1
I think we should do a salt and burn on all business activity statements! great oneshot. I love the flashback, I can so see Sam doing that and Dean talking him into burning the tape and then demanding a replacement - perfect.
Author's Response: Yep, I agree - every three months, let's have a bonfire and flip the ATO the finger. LOL. Thanks for that. I needed a little lighter note to finish on, so the idea of Dean jokingly wanting a replacement tape just filled the job nicely. And I did wonder what happened to that tape. It would have still been in the player when Sam and Bobby loaded Dean's body into the Impala, and I can't imagine Sam wanting any music on during that particular trip. Hey, have you heard the news? We've got another SN Con! You have to come to this one - I'll email you with the details. Sydney and Melbourne this time. We're going to Sydney - it's closer. Jules
Reviewer: ziggy (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 07:13 PM · On: Chapter 1
Great one shot sis. Loved how you had Sam seeing Dean holding the cassette, triggering memories he had tried to bury deep within him. The flashback to what happened to it was perfect - the cassette being the catalyst for Sam breaking down in the aftermath of Dean going to hell and the youngest Winchester not being able to find a way to get him out. The flashback was so raw and emotional and it was so believable that such a small object could trigger the tears that Sam had kept at bay. Great too the parallel that the CCR tape had triggered in Dean when he had found it in the cassette deck in the Impala after their dad had died. Perfect that Dean found his little brother and told him the story of what he did to the CCR tape then offered for him to salt and burn the Bon Jovi one, giving him some sort of closure. As usual you pitched the ending just right, Bobby coming out, demanding where they had been and Dean's smart comments triggering their banter. And how nice for them to hear Sam's genuine laugh again. So in character and totally believable - the tapes meant so much but ended up giving both boys painful memories which needed dealing with, and you dealt with them perfectly. And yes, I have used triggering quite a few times but couldn't come up with a better alternative - you could beta my review hon! Have a great weekend. Sarah
Author's Response: Thank you, sis, and thank you for your hand-holding. You know I was worried about this one. I'm happy that scene played out so well, with Sam spotting the tape and clamming up, and Dean wondering just WTF before discovering which tape it was. And I did wonder what the boys - Dean especially - would have done with that CCR tape after the crash. I imagined it would have been Dean who found the tape, since he was working on the Impala on his own. It felt right to for them to use the tools of their trade to exorcise a few demons and ghosts of their own. Thanks hun - for lotsa stuff. Ooh, and yes, you have used trigger and triggering a few times, haven't you? Is this revenge for fiddling? ROFL!
Jules
Reviewer: Vanessa (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 05:59 PM · On: Chapter 1
This was a great story. A very emotional read--at least for me. Glad you decided to dust it off and finish it.
Author's Response: Thank you, Ness. It was a bit emotional to write, too. I know all too well how little harmless objects can trigger quite painful memories. Been there, done that. Thanks for reading, even though it was an emotional journey. hugs Jules
Reviewer: supernaturalfan (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 02:31 PM · On: Chapter 1
Another great one shot!! You're getting really good at these, and I am loving them all. This one was touching, sentimental and loved your brotherly moments. I look forward to your next.
Take care,
Jane
Author's Response: Awww, thanks, Jane. I'm sort of in one-shot mode at the moment. Don't really want to tackle anything big just yet - still recovering from Here At - LOL. I do love focussing on the brotherly moments - I think that's the whole key to the show. The relationship between those two is what makes it special. And while they've both changed so much after Hell, the moments are still there - not as frequent as S1, but there all the same. Thanks for reading, hun. So glad you enjoyed it. Jules
Reviewer: penmin (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 02:04 PM · On: Chapter 1
I love your word eloquence(think I spelt that right?) zephyr of a breeze, just adds that little extra. A nice story for that time and I love the salt'n burn of the cassettes. Jacq
Author's Response: Thank you, Jacq. I just felt the ritual of a salt and burn would be fitting - especially with letting a few painful memories go. Not that they would vanish completely, but the boys would relate to the symbolism. And it gave Dean a peek into the depth of Sam's grief over his death, which I think he needs sometimes - he needs to see how important he is to his brother, even though said little brother went all uber-hunter while he was gone. That broken, blood-stained cassette said a lot about Sam's mental state. Thank you for reading - I'm chuffed you came along for the ride. Jules
Reviewer: calUK (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 01:33 PM · On: Chapter 1
Aww, somehow, the image of them solemnly burning the tape is just really sweet. And a tad funny... Lovely resolution in this - there's no waving of a magic wand and making it all better, but there's a real feeling of hope for the boys. Reading it now, after watching S4, it feels even more bittersweet, but it's still great!
Author's Response: Thanks Cal. And congratulations on becoming Author Of The Month. A very well deserved nod to your talent. I've been cruising through your home page finding lots of little gems to read, and having a ball. Yes, it would have been a tad funny to an outsider, wouldn't it? You could just picture the solemn little ceremony - over a tape. But the symbolism was the thing - the comfort was in the ritual and what it usually signified. And no, there was no waving of a magic wand - sadly. I know what you mean about S4 - seeing the slow decline of the boys' relationship and the fact that greater forces were also pulling their strings - just so heartbreaking. Hopefully quite a few dirty little secrets will come out in S5 and make the boys realise just how far they both were manipulated. That phone message of Dean's has got to surface somehow, along with the revelation that it was Cas who let Sam out of the panic room. And that sod Zachariah's little statement about making sure Sam got a push in the right direction. Fingers crossed, eh? Jules
Reviewer: Lbdba (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 01:00 PM · On: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed that!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you did. Thanks so much for letting me know what you thought. Jules
Reviewer: clclemmons (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 12:09 PM · On: Chapter 1
Jules, Sitting here listening to Creedence and saw your great story. We know how much music influences their lives, the poignant moments they shared in S4 were far too rare. Thank you for a wonderful little read, brought a tear and a smile to my face. Crystal
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Crystal. I'm a huge Creedence fan myself, and every time I hear Bad Moon Rising I think of the accident. I just felt that for Dean, it would be too painful a reminder to keep. And I don't think that Sam would want to ever hear Dead Or Alive ever again. So my muse just sort of took off from there. Glad you enjoyed it. And yes, those special little moments were all too rare - sadly. Those poor boys... Jules
Reviewer: dollarformyname (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 11:06 AM · On: Chapter 1
This was awesome. Thanks for sharing. :)
Author's Response: And thank you for reading, and for letting me know you stopped by. Reviews are gold. So glad you enjoyed it. Jules
Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 09:24 AM · On: Chapter 1
A wonderful oneshot, great idea about what happened to the cassette.
Author's Response: Thanks, Lindsay. I've been playing with this idea for a while - just needed to get the muse to agree to work on it. Finally she pointed a finger and said "that one next". I wanted Dean to find the cassette and see tangible evidence of how much his death affected his brother, especially given the way Sam had changed by the time Dean got pulled out of Hell. And of course, the typical Winchester fix just fit nicely. Jules
Reviewer: Primrose (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 08:12 AM · On: Chapter 1
Oh yeah, what DID happen to that tape? I think you absolutely got it right. Perfect. Thank you!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Julie. Yes, I wondered about the tape, too. And with my freaky mind, loose ends like that just beg to be tied up, like why did Sam have a fuel receipt signed by Dean in his jacket pocket in AHBL1. They become itches that I have to scratch - lol. Thanks for coming along for the ride, and for enjoying my scratch. Jules
Reviewer: Midge (Signed) · Date: 09/10/09 07:02 AM · On: Chapter 1
As always, an amazing one shot that's left me smiling gently in gratitude. I love the way you portray the brotherly love and salting and burning the cassette tape was just a lovely bit of humour and as for the Christine comment to Bobby - brilliant. So I'd like say a big thank you for dusting this story off and finishing it.
Author's Response: Hi, Midge. Aww, thank you. The salt and burn was a nice bit of symbolism, I thought. And it had just the right element of craziness for it to work, given the Winchesters' world. As for the Christine comment - lol. All those dead car bodies, I don't know.....possibilities there. Hope Bobby's got all his wards up. Thanks for reading, hun. I'm chuffed that you got so much out of it. Jules
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