Wow......what can I say....
This had such powerful imagery that I actually reared back a little in my chair. For a moment I was sickened when Sam put his finger in the blood and then......but then I realised this isn't the Sammy that we fell in love with (yes, even we Dean girls), but a hard-core addict, looking for the next hit and trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he had a handle on the situation. This is a crack-head trapped in the well of his own addiction, rationalising himself almost to death and blaming the one he loves the most for being weak.
And that bit at the end, with Dean's tears staining the outside of the door - that got to me, it really did.
I had an intense discussion with Petra after that episode, and she confessed she was heartbroken over Dean's actions during Sam's torture. She felt he wasn't being 'Dean'. But my aunt came up with an interesting theory - she felt that Dean just couldn't bear to be there and see what his brother had done to himself. And that visual image that you painted bears out that theory - that Dean was torn apart emotionally, just as Sam was being torn apart physically.
Oh, those poor, poor boys.....used and abused by powers too strong to fight - angels and demons both had a hand in their downfall.
I think I need to go have a quiet cup of tea after that. Powerfully written - really resonates on a deep level with the reader.
Wow thank you for leaving this review. I wasn't sure about putting in the depth Sam as an addict would go to, 'the finger in the...' it felt eww for me writing it, but then for me it had to be said, if anyone found that too shocking then..well, that really is the nature of any detructive addiction, and Sam is/was changing...a lot at this time.
Dean just couldn't handle this, he knew it was going to hurt, and that hurt was as bad for him, having to watch it and be so helpless.