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Reviewer: Barbara_GER (Signed) · Date: 10/06/09 02:44 PM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

That is one fine little story you created here! I loved it so much!! Thanks for sharing! – Barbara


Author's Response:

Hi there

Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed it, it was one of those little ideas that gets in your head and needs out! Cheers Mary x

Reviewer: buttercup (Signed) · Date: 06/06/09 03:44 PM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

That was really cool! I haven't read anything in this format before but I thought it was really successful.

Great job, I really enjoyed reading this

B xx



Author's Response:

HI Buttercup

Thank you. The format was a little different from my usual so I wasn't sure. I didn't think it had the same impact as a story as it did written like this.  Cheers Mary x

Reviewer: saltnburnem (Signed) · Date: 06/06/09 02:03 PM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

Great job!  I liked the POV and the way you wrote it.  I could really sense the tension and fear as Sam witnessed it all.  I'm not sure if I was holding my breath, or starting to breathe even faster as the tension mounted!

Author's Response:

Hi there

Thanks. I wanted to keep it just Sam seeing his brother hurt and let that build the tension.

Cheers Mary x

Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 05/06/09 07:07 PM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

Beautifully written!  Oh my heavens!  I think I kept holding my breath.  I'd let it out and breathe just in time for another round.  You described everything so visually that I felt I was with them living it. 

"Except now instead of dragging me from my dream it grounds me in this nightmare."  Just one example of perfectly you implanted me in the story.



Author's Response:

Hi there

Thank you very much. I'm glad that it drew you in.  Mary x

Reviewer: supernatgrl13 (Signed) · Date: 05/06/09 05:09 PM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

Nice job! 

Author's Response:

HI there

Thanks! Mary x

Reviewer: zz1989 (Signed) · Date: 05/06/09 12:08 PM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

I liked it.

Author's Response:

Hi there

Thank you! Mary x

Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed) · Date: 05/06/09 07:54 AM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

A very good one shot, i did like the way that you wrote this.

Author's Response:

HI there

Thanks! Mary xx

Reviewer: Dottyoz (Signed) · Date: 05/06/09 07:46 AM · On: The First Time That I Saw Him Fall

That was a really atmospheric piece of writing.  I could so easily put myself in Sam's place and feel his distress and bewilderment that this could have happened to his brother.

Just two little nitpicks (and they really are little).  I found the italics a bit distracting and about a third of the way through you changed tenses.

But, as I said, really minor points that I wasn't even sure whether to mention.  I loved this story. 



Author's Response:

HI there

Thank you, I am glad that you felt the way he did, that was what I was aiming for...to draw you in.

I don't mind you pointing out things that are constructive at all, that's the point of reviews after all, to give me feedback on what you liked and what you felt should/could be changed or improved.

The italics are a personal thing, I preferred reading it that way but I appreciate your comment and I will take it on board in the future.

I didn't notice that I had changed tense when writing, so thank you. I will review the story again and see which part I am going to change.

I really just appreciate that you took the time to stop and let me know your thoughts, never worry about letting me know what you think, I love feedback, it means the story got to you enough to want to review it. Mary xx

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