Reviewer: penmin (Signed) · Date: 04/12/09 06:27 AM · On: And They Call it Puppy Love
I guess I am way behind with my reading, thought I'd catch up a bit...soo, WOW...no need to say can't wait for the next chapter cause its just one click of the next button, so here we go onto the next...great start. The Benders were scary! Jacq
Author's Response: Thanks muchly! I'm really pleased you enjoyed it and that you let me know! Definitely makes the hard work worthwhile when people take the time to review...
Reviewer: Micaiah (Signed) · Date: 21/11/09 12:48 PM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
A couple of friends recommended this story to me and I spent most of last Saturday reading it. Wanted to get back today and leave you a review for such hard work. I don't normally read long fanfics because they take so much time to read but I'm glad that I took the time for this one. I'm looking forward to reading the sequel. I always liked Katheen so it was good to see her again. The thought of what Dean had to do as a kid is just heartbreaking. Such a dark place for Dean to be. I hope that eventually he will recover but I imagine something like that would take a long time. Great job!
Reviewer: Glitterbelle (Signed) · Date: 12/11/09 03:40 PM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
Hiya, I read this story a few months ago and put it in my list of favourites. I am sorry that I haven't reviewed earlier, real-life always gets in my way and I read the stories from this website on my mobile so I can't review as I read because my mobile is a bit basic. Anyway, I wanted to say thank-you for sharing this story and all the hard work you put into it. I haven't read a fan-fiction story like this one before and it was quite heart-wrenching and almost uncomfortable to read which is a credit to your writing because you really opened up how each of the characters were feeling and dealing with such a tough situation. I really felt awful for Dean at the end to be so vulnerable and have his self-worth stripped so horribly. I was very proud of Sam for being willing to stand by his brother no matter what happened to him(I wouldn't doubt that he would do anything less, just nice to see it confirmed.) I also enjoyed the character of Hudak, you really fleshed her out and made her story interesting too. I look forward to reading the sequel. Thanks again. Gem x
Author's Response: Hey I just noticed you here! Thanks for reading and commenting: I really appreciate it! So much thought and planning and effort went into this and lovely comments like yours are a wonderful reward for that… ;-)
Reviewer: Amberdreams (Signed) · Date: 09/11/09 12:06 PM · On: And They Call it Puppy Love
Phew, well read it all today (should have been working but what the hell). Have to say, this is really very well written from several points of view - the imagery and style leads the reader on at a cracking pace, the detail is great (nice touches in the language use and descriptions leave real strong impressions of those cold dark woods) and the emotion is a really roller coaster. Honestly, left me shaking and tearful - poor Dean, stripped of all defences like that. I'm guessing you did some research on the main topic to be able to convey the mental traumas which in the end far outstrip the physical. Very powerful stuff and I will certainly have to read all of the sequel - while confessing I am hoping for redemption for the boys, as I don't know if I could take too much more shredding of Dean's self confidence!!
Author's Response: Yup: all very carefully planned and plotted... I am a medical journalist by trade, so it is all researched very carefully just as you suggest. You're so right about the psychological fallout and it is something that the sequel picks up. I've seen fics of this type that really do skate over the aftermath and wanted to do it justice, which is why I didn't miraculously fix him overnight in the end... it just wouldn't have rung true. It's funny what you say about him having no psychological defenses...a few people have said to me that they found it very harrowing to read and I always wondered why, because I don't whump him as much as some writers! But then it occurred to me that in making him amnesiac I really did strip awayhis 'Dean-ness' and that made him seem particularly vulnerable... but of course, it was necessary for him to fall under tha spell of the Benders and the fantasy family they presented to him. I hope you enjoy the sequel... there are some ups and downs but Dean does confront what happened, and fight back and regain his sense of self... thanks so much for reviewing! ;-)
Reviewer: Midge (Signed) · Date: 08/11/09 06:52 AM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
Not at all sure how it happened but I missed this final chapter when it aired and even worse missed that you were writing a sequel. So Sorry. Glad Dean is finally making process and back home. But damn Missy is still out there working her evil magic. Loved the line "Dean eats two pancakes when he gets up, drowns them in syrup, washes them down with three cups of coffee and twitches for the rest of the morning." espcially the twtiches for the rest of the morning, made me grin big time. Have to admit I found the boys discussion in the previous chapter in the alley about their childhood disturbing but also thought you handled it beautifully. Planning to spend a few days playing catch up with your sequel, so I expect you will be hearing me gasp and exclaim as each chapter unfolds and this time I'll try not to miss the final chapter! Still can't work out how that happened!
Author's Response: Hey there! Glad you found it at last! I really tried to be subtle about all of those darker elements of story but felt it had to go there. I'm glad it didn't freak you out too much... ;-)
Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed) · Date: 16/09/09 08:59 AM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
Wow, what a fantastic story, i really enjoyed it, thanks for writing,i'm off to read the killing moon now,after this amazing story i'm really looking forward to reading the next one.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, dude –I really appreciate you took the time, since not many people seem to review here! I wrote this story at a terrific pace: updates twice a week because people were always hounding me for the next chapter! I got a few chapters in hand with the sequel before I started posting and have been writing it much more at my leisure… and I honestly feel it might just be starting to get better than the first one. I’d be so interested to hear what you think! ;-)
Reviewer: MeAzrael (Signed) · Date: 02/08/09 01:56 AM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
Wow - what can I say? When I first heard of your story I thought "Well that sounds kind of insane" - and it really is, but you made such a huge and deep and fascinating story out of more than difficult topics: I'm totally in awe! Holding the suspension and emotions high all the time, filling every character with real life, even arousing some understanding for the evil Benders ... and there where all these brilliant details (like Dean naming the dog Sam) ... I just wanted to thank you, it was amazing! It's definitely one of my favorites and I really hope to get more of that stuff from you (speaking about addicted :-)
Author's Response: Wow: thanks so much! I just checked my emails and saw you have favorited me over on FF, so thanks for that too. I’m really glad you enjoyed the story – I love the episode and always wondered what would have happened had Missy gotten out! I am posting the sequel here and on FF too though of course you’ll need to read it here to admire my gorgeous banner, designed by the very talented GypsyWoman… ;-)
Reviewer: Barbara_GER (Signed) · Date: 31/07/09 03:25 PM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
Honey, I devoured this fic. And I can honestly say that this is one of the best stories I've ever read! The way you nudged the imagination of us readers without giving too much away is just awesome. I also love the characters, they're perfectly portrayed, especially Kathleen. Go on, I can't wait to read your newest story! – Yours, Barbara
Author's Response: Barbara, I can’t tell you what that means to me because I got a rather snippy review for chapter 3 of my sequel over on FF and have been feeling very low and despondent over it all afternoon. Natch, got good reviews for it also but it's always the one off-comment that I keep thinking about. So coming here and reading this has totally made my day and I so appreciate that you took the time. I really hope you enjoy the sequel – please do let me know by reviewing! ;-)
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 27/06/09 06:19 PM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
Oh! I knew that creepy little girl somehow made it outta the fire. *shudders* Still can't hate her, though. *scratches head* Almost begs a sequel, y'know... Anyhow, here, at story's end, I want to congratulate you for having written such an awesome tale! A wonderful portrayal of how one slight little difference could totally change the course of events. I enjoyed this story, clear through - it was more than a bit addictive. You write in a way that is completely descriptive without being distastefully detailed, if you get what I mean. I also love how you were able to help the boys sort through issues that weren't directly tied to the events in the story - nice touch. Well, I reckon I'll end my rambling here. It's a great great story - thanks for sharing, Zat. ^^
Author's Response: Thanks so much dude, for sticking with this and reviewing so faithfully: you got me up over 100 here – a really nice total to add to the 454 reviews over on FF. I’m so glad you enjoyed it and that the balance I tried to strike in relating the more unpleasant aspects of the plot worked for you. I wanted this to be a powerful and disturbing story but I was always conscious of the fact young people might be reading it and I wanted to be subtle. I have read stories of this type that have been nastily pornographic and I just didn’t want to exploit the subject matter in that way. I originally ended this with the boys and that final line… “Never leave me.” And just as I was about to upload I tacked that little Missy coda on at the end! I am planning a sequel… but don’t know if she will be in it. We’ll see, I guess! ;-)
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 27/06/09 05:39 PM · On: Long Night's Journey Into Day
Aw... poor Dean. Poor, poor guy...
Author's Response: Yup: as I mentioned in an earlier review response I had to go there with this. There had to be something deeper behind his total emotional collapse and his aggression… something beyond detox, that chipped at his already low self-esteem…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 27/06/09 04:47 PM · On: Everything You Left Me Rambles in My Head
*facepalm* Had to be a paperclip... just had to be a paperclip.
Author's Response: Oh yeah! I use paperclips as bookmarks myself. And loved the idea that Dean might be plotting his escape even though he was still hallucinating and suffering from withdrawal symptoms… a little sign that he is still in there just like all those little flashes of InnerGabe that were really Dean.
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 27/06/09 02:42 AM · On: Little Miss Sunshine
Bloody HELL, Missy! ... wicked little brat. Still can't bring myself to hate her, though. *frowns*
Author's Response: Yeah! The fire wasn’t in my original plan… it’s something a reviewer over on FF casually mentioned in a review and I thought, why not? And there is a nice symmetry to having Sam carry Dean out of the fire…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 27/06/09 02:01 AM · On: The Perfect Storm
Poor Dean! That Missy don't die easy, does she?
Author's Response: She certainly doesn’t… I wanted to inject a shot of mystery into her at this point. Is she really alive? Did she actually drown and is she now an angry spirit out for revenge? No one ever questioned whether she was or not over on FF… Sam does suggest there might be more to her but it’s not something any of my reviewers ever commented on…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 27/06/09 01:10 AM · On: One Step Beyond
Evil writer of cliffies... *attempts admonishing look* *curiosity overrides said look* *continues reading*
Author's Response: When I posted this on FF I used ot get bombarded with PMs about my cliffhangers! Gotta keep ’em coming back for more though…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 26/06/09 01:25 AM · On: Live Through This
Aw.. poor Dean! I must say before I forget - I love how you infuse a little bit of humor even into sad and serious situations. I've always thought that life would be unbearable without a dash of humor and your writing doesn't disappoint. There are moments to make one smile without detracting from the solemnity of the tale.
Author's Response: Thanks dude! In many ways this story is very much a reflection of my attitude to life: you have to laugh or else you’d cry… and the type of life the boys lead means they would try to find the humor in the bleakness, I reckon…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 25/06/09 10:53 PM · On: Let This Boy Die Like a Man
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Dean!!! Meanie! *proceeds to next chapter...*
Author's Response: Yup: I couldn’t resist the irony that had Dean stayed Gabe he would have let Missy go and reached for Sam, because there was no really profound attachment to Missy… but the minute he became Dean there was just no way he would let the kid go without at least trying to save her… just not in his nature!
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 25/06/09 02:10 PM · On: Don't Look Now
Missy's a mite possessive, ain't she? Insane as she is, loyalty is loyalty... That, and I just can't bring myself to quite hate the kid.
Author's Response: Yup… if Missy can’t have him you better believe no one else can either… mwa-ha-ha-ha…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 25/06/09 01:16 PM · On: Welcome to the Jungle
Good gracious what an intense couple chapters! *looks down and blinks* I think there are claw marks on my desk...
Author's Response: Oh yeah! I love Welcome to the Jungle even though I wrote it myself! I can just hear Ackles delivering that line about Sam killing his dog in that gorgeous growly voice [squeeee!]. I wrote that line first [I often write the final line first – in fact I wrote one of the final lines of the entire story first!] and then lead up to it… ;-)
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 24/06/09 07:20 AM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
I just wanted to add that I think this was an amazing story and all on the premise that little Missy didn’t stay locked in the closet. Girl, you have a great imagination (not to mention a fabulous ability for writing and expression)! I look forward to reading more of your work! Rock on!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I’m so glad I kept this plot bunny for myself instead of farming it out as I originally planned… it has given me such pleasure to do some creative writing rather than the much drier and more formal writing I do for a living. My other big episode-based plot bunny is from Wendigo: ‘what if Dean stepped in the gintrap?’. Maybe that will make it into the sequel to this story! I really do appreciate that you reviewed!
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 24/06/09 07:18 AM · On: Lay Your Weary Head to Rest
Excellent!! I’m glad Dean and Kathleen had a little lip-lock and that he felt at ease with it and in control. Also glad you didn’t end the story with a band-aid "all is better." Especially happy to know that Missy Bender’s nine lives have kicked in yet again and she’s out there making someone else miserable. I thought I wanted her dead, but this way I’m left wondering if she’s going to show up in the Winchesters lives again. Wickedly delightful story! Thanks for sharing!!
Author's Response: You know, originally I ended the story with the boys [in fact the very first line I wrote was Sam saying “Never leave me” and everything then flowed up to that final sentiment – and of course it is very sad and touching because his brother does leave him, in the most awful way]. But 10 seconds before I posted it I added the Missy coda, just to mess with y’all! I am sketching out a sequel but I don’t know if she will be in it – that might be a bridge too far! When I posted this over on FF lots of reviewers PM-d me asking for some Dean/Hudak… it wasn’t part of my initial story outline and I had my doubts because I loved her in the Show and really wanted to explore her further in this story and most definitely didn’t want to relegate her to being one of Dean’s empties. In fact I even telegraphed some Bobby/Hudak, I think! But I do think the kiss works as a compassionate rather than passionate gesture. I don’t know if the ‘relationship’ will make it to the sequel though… I guess we’ll see!
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 24/06/09 07:17 AM · On: Long Night's Journey Into Day
Intense! You’ve really done your homework. As if what happened to Dean wasn’t horrible enough he has the further guilt of natural responses. I didn’t think you’d strip him that low, but you did. Now there’s definitely nowhere to go but up. Thank goodness, Sam's a geek and did his research so he was prepared!
Author's Response: I was in two minds about whether to include that and tried to be as subtle as possible about it. Sad to say it happens to 99.9% of men who suffer this kind of assault and it is humiliating, distressing and confusing for them, as you can imagine. I wanted to treat this with the gravity and respect it deserved… I have read fics where this happens to either Sam or Dean and this reaction isn’t mentioned at all: I would imagine because the writers in question haven’t done their research. It is the single most devastating and destructive effect of this kind of assault and totally informs Dean’s attitude and interactions with Sam, Bobby and Kathleen once he is rescued. So I felt I had to go there…
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed) · Date: 24/06/09 07:15 AM · On: Everything You Left Me Rambles in My Head
Life interrupted me but I had to get back to your story. Our boys are in such a heap of angsty trouble. The aftermath of trauma is the al a mode on top of the yummy pie. (At least in fanfic.) Damn! Dean fooled me, too! I was just beginning to think that maybe he was coming around. Good for Kathleen! I’d slap that face (and then kiss it better) too, if he brought my brother into his cruel target practice.
Author's Response: I’m so glad you came back! All of the hallucinations in this chapter are from my personal experience of addiction to a pretty strong tranquilizer in my late teens/early twenties: it reads vivid and authentic because it is. Dean feels guilt and intense rage at what was done to him, and the fact is he just doesn’t know how to deal with the reality that he is the victim in these circumstances. So he reacts by pushing away those he loves most, and those who are trying to help him, because he doesn’t want them to see him as weak and the thought they know what happened to him is devastating to his self-esteem…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 24/06/09 12:35 AM · On: The Devil's Son
Poor Sam! Gosh, poor everyone!
Author's Response: You know, even I can’t believe how much I whumped that boy in this story… his guilt and confusion in this chapter parallels the feelings of confusion he had in S4 when first confronting his memories of Hell and remembering that he broke and what he did… plus, the Stockhol Syndrome mirrors his ‘relationship’ with Alastor…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 24/06/09 12:13 AM · On: A Glimpse Beyond This Illusion
Oh, no! So close, but so far!!! Ah, poor Dean. Poor, poor Dean...
Author's Response: Yup. Gabe’s betrayal by his ‘brother’ Lee is intended to mirror Dean’s betrayal by Sam in S4… and of course it is devastating for him…
Reviewer: Dream Painter (Signed) · Date: 23/06/09 11:07 PM · On: The Nature of the Beast
Ew.... I knew that had to be what was wrong with the stew. Gross, just... blech! Yeah. Can't get past the stew just now.... uh. Ulgh.. Great chapter. Yeah. Real great. Disturbing, but great. *tries not to think about the stew in her own frig* Gross...
Author's Response: Yeah: ew. That stew becomes a big plot point later on… though initially I only wrote the hikers in because I suddenly realized the Benders could really do with a can opener and those hikers were bound to have packed one… ;-)
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