Reviewer: bibikftlc (Signed) · Date: 23/05/09 08:47 AM · On: Chapter 10
Poor boys, so much suffering. *sniff* I hope they get a break soon.
Author's Response: Thanks for sniffing with us, it's been an emotional ride for sure - for us, our boys and our readers. We would like them to get a break too, but there's a lot to talk about in the meantime... Thank you for commenting, it means a lot to us. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: ziggy (Signed) · Date: 23/05/09 04:28 AM · On: Chapter 10
Wow, what an epic and emotional chapter that was girls - but totally amazing. :clap Hope my review does your update justice.
Dean's emotions and comments were spot on as he read Sam's journal, reacting to his little brother's words, but also bringing back painful memories as Sam delved into the past.
Sam's journal was fantastic, even with the radiation treatment and the meds running through his system and messing with his emotions, he laid himself bare and put down all his feelings and thoughts, letting Dean know as he read, exactly what was running through his mind during the time that their relationship was fracturing. He also emphasised that all along he was using his mojo to defeat demons and for the right reasons and was not going darkside as Dean so obviously thought. His anger and pain was so evident and he certainly didn't hold back there about Dean and felt betrayed as he seemed to listen to Castiel and not him but he also was angry at himself for believing Ruby more than his brother and blindly following her, only to find out at Stull that he had been wrong and Dean had been right. If only the boys had sat down at the time and had a real heart to heart and explained all their thoughts then everything could have been avoided. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though. No wonder he wanted to hide behind his new persona of John Campbell and start afresh.
So telling that when Sam woke up in the hospital, totally disorientated, he immediately thought that Catherine was Ruby, come to try and finish him off but equally telling that he yelled for Dean as the sedative took him under.
Thank goodness Catherine rang Dr Monroe who realised he had been wrong and that Sam needed his brother. Great that he was man enough to admit it. And great too that he gave Dean the letter even though Sam was still alive so that he read Sam's apology for his wrong choices, letting Dean know that Dean was right all along.
Loved the end to this chapter and Sam's unconscious move towards his big brother's voice and hand of comfort. Maybe they can have that much needed talk and get back to being brothers again as, boy, do both of them so need it.
Wonderful update Jules and Petra, have a fantastic weekend.
Author's Response: Wow, Sarah, what a wonderful review, it sure does our chapter justice. Thank you so much for such a detailed and well thought out review. You are such an integral member of this little team and your words mean the world to us. We are humbled that after all your work you still find the time to review. Thank you for saying that you think Dean's reactions to reading Sam's journals were spot on, we really strived for this. Dean knows his brother better than anyone - there was no way he could not see and understand the real Sam as he read, no way he could not feel everything for and with his brother. You totally get everything we wanted to portray in your interpretation of Sam's journals, and we thank you for that. With Sam at rock bottom emotionally and physically, there was no way he wouldn't lay himself bare, and let everything just come tumbling out. Since he never intended for his journals to be read by anyone, let alone Dean, it was his way of venting. Yes, it would have be wonderful if the boys had sat down and had a real heart to heart, but that just isn't the Winchester way is it?? We love it that you understand Sam hiding behind John Campbell was his way of coping. Your comments about the end of our chapter are awesome, I know you have put a huge smile on Jules face with your thoughtful praise. Thanks again, Sarah. And yes, we had a terrific weekend! Petra and Jules
Reviewer: Midge (Signed) · Date: 23/05/09 02:42 AM · On: Chapter 10
A drop of hope at the end of another gruelling chapter. Thank you. Lots in there that I could comment on but one major thing did strike me. A good friend of mine who is trying to teach/help me write a better story asked me what the story was really about. Several days later she came back to me and told she thought my answer was wrong. Anyway, my point is that your story has made me realise that Supernatural is not just about monsters and horror, or even about brotherly love and family, but it is about secrets. The overall secret of a hunters life, about Sam beiing contaminated by demon blood, the threat of him turning evil, deals with demons etc. I have no idea how you two have managed to construct such a fantastic detailed story, the sheer amount of work involved humbles me. Needless to say I am still rivetted and here for the long haul.
Author's Response: Yes, Midge, some hope at the end. All is not lost. How could it ever be? You gave Jules and I cause for a lovely long chat over lunch the other day. We were contemplating your lovely review, in particular your comments about how our fic caused you to reflect on your own work and secondly your comment about secrets. We take both as a huge compliment btw. We are loving it that our work makes you think so deeply. And yes, secrets play a major role in the Winchester's lot in life. Their lives as hunters is one big secret they must protect and then the secrets that have led to misunderstandings and their fractured relationship. These feature big in the Show and they sure feature big in our fic. Thanks very much for your astute observations. How did we construct this story? Lots of deep conversations long into the night, many long, contemplative emails (nearly 200 I think!) and brains that think as differently about things as we think the same. We also spent hours researching on the net finding info and checking facts, and lots of time re-watching segments of epi's to make sure we got the dialogue correct and the nuances of the boys actions and relationship right (yeah, someone's got to do it!!) And copious amounts of coffee, with the odd wine (Petra) and scotch (Jules)!! We are basking in the glory of your wonderful praise, thank you so much. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: amethyst (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 09:29 PM · On: Chapter 10
OMG those journal entries are killing me! Sam's emotions as he goes through treatment are so real. The pain, the nausea, the depression, the self-pity, the fear of everyday life, youv'e managed to make us feel everyone of those with him (not quite sure whether to thankyou for that or not!) all the while still giving us Dean's horror at discovering all this for the first time and his guilt in not being able to be there for his brother. And that bar room brawl, I just wanted to hug him, thankgod he's got people around him who care. I'm so glad you ended this chapter the way you did, with hope. I can't wait for Sam to wake up and the brothers to reconnect. This story is so powerful and hard at times to read I can only imagine how draining it must be to write. Thankyou both for writing what I think is one of the best all times Fanfics, It just gets better with each chapter.
Author's Response: What a wonderful review. Reviews like this spur us on. Your comments show you are really getting what we set out to do, and we thank you for that. The fact that you recognise and feel Sam's fear, pain, depression and just how sick he is while at the same time seeing Dean's heartbreak at the horror of reading the journals was exactly our aim. We had a bit of a giggle at your "OMG those journal entries are killing me!" cos at times they sure killed us to write them!! We needed the hope at the end just as much as our Winchesters and our readers!! Your final paragraph is a huge rap and we want to thank you very much for such high praise. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: Primrose (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 01:57 PM · On: Chapter 10
WONDERFUL Chapter! Sam's journal here is a wonderful explanation of all of Sam's reasons to behave the way he did last season. It makes you understand, and perhaps be a bit more sympathetic to why he did things- you even through in some reasoning I hadn't thought of! At the same time, I'm glad you had Sam get whiny and self-pitying. It's a hard thing he's going through, and that is going to show. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Thank you for your terrific review, we are glowing in your kindness. Our intention was to use Sam's journals to reveal everything he was feeling - his guilt and remorse at the near Apocalypse, his pain and misery at his illness and treatment and his despair without his brother. If you felt an understanding and sympathy for him because you saw all that in his journals, then we have been successful, and we as authors couldn't be happier. We are very excited that you can't wait for the next chapter, it very gratifying to have readers like you along for the ride. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: supernaturalfan (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 01:38 PM · On: Chapter 10
Okay, so I sat and read this entire chapter all the way through without stopping frankly because once I started I couldn't stop. When I was done I was so emotionally drained and at a loss for words I had to walk away and think about this chapter before I wrote this review. I just want to say thank you for writing something that moved me that much. I know that probably sounds strange, but I know it means more to me when I am moved in that way. Anyway I'll move on. There was so much anger, depression, guilt, blame, more anger etc.. in not only in Sam's journal entries but in Dean's response it was almost overwhelming. Yet in the middle of all that emotion you put an entry that showed us who Sam truly wants to be. That one entry(after reading the others) made me cry(literally). Knowing that he can't be the one thing he really wants to be because of events out of his control is heartbreaking. You showed that emotion in your writing and I felt it as I read it. That to me is great writing. I know you say your a Dean girl, but I believe you have a real empathy for Sam and know him so well. Maybe Jared's portrayal of him helps that in some way. I also like your entry of his anger about how all the things he's done make him evil or wrong but what everyone else has done has been to protect or save others. Those things that his Mom, Dad, or even Dean have done, though maybe not on the same scale as him, still were not right. I think he has a right to be angry about that. Things have been done to him that were out of his control and he was only trying to make the best of it. That came across strong in your writing. On a positive note, I'm glad Blake came around and allowed Dean to see Sam. I look forward to next week and Sam waking up. Keep writing and I will definately be back.
Author's Response: Wow, what an awesome review. How wonderful for you to tell us that you couldn't stop reading, that is a huge compliment indeed. We are blown away that our chapter affected you to the point that you needed to walk away and reflect. No, it does not sound strange at all that you needed space to think. It amazes us that you were moved to such emotion by our work. Thank you so much for commenting on the level of emotion that you saw in Sam's journals and Dean's reaction to them. And this awesome comment "Knowing that he can't be the one thing he really wants to be because of events out of his control is heartbreaking. You showed that emotion in your writing and I felt it as I read it. That to me is great writing" just totally made our day. We are honoured by such a comment. Thank you very much. We are delighted that you will definitely be back, the boys have much to sort out if they are to understand each other... Petra and Jules
Reviewer: janebear (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 10:35 AM · On: Chapter 10
WOW!!! WOW!!!!WOW!!!!! OMG, what a fantastic chapter. This one took me a really long time to read. But i just loved it. I took my time because I wanted to feel the emtions that both Sam and Dean were going through Oh you so can feel the emtion and angst so well. Such a great job there. That was so very well written, you could feel every emotion in your heart!!!!! I was so exicted to see another chapter up and this chapter so exceeded my dreams and expectations. Sam's journals were so well written and filled with such raw emotions. I am so glad that I stocked up all that kleenex. I loved how Dean was able to reach out to his brother via his journal. They are finally able to find each other because of these. That is such a great touch!!!!!!! I especially loved it where when Sam said that Sam Winchester no longer existed and that he was dead. Dean's reaction was just so perfect. Dean saying that in fact his little brother was still very much alive and he was going to find him. LOVEDN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! And that letter that Sam had written to Dean "just in case" something happened. Never thought it would have been Blake to have it. I figured it would have been Ginny. That letter had me in tears!!o I was so happy to see that Blake relented and let Dean in to see Sam especially since Sam needs him so much. OMG I am so overwhelmed by your talent and this story. What can I say but Great Job Ladies!!!! Such wonderful and brilliant talent. It just takes my breath away. I must admit I hooked. Now I am really looking to the next chapter when Sam wakes up. Hopefully Sam and Dean will get back to being brothers. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOu !!! For such an amazing story and sharing it with us. Will be waiting anxiously unitl next chapter. hugs,Jane
Author's Response: Wow yourself, Jane, what a terrific review!! We are wearing huge smiles because of your wonderful response to our chapter. It is a privilege for an author to hear that a reader took their time to read so they could feel and experience the story. Thank you so much for taking the time to read with such care and then taking the time to tell us how our chapter emotionally affected you. Such wonderful feedback. You are just getting everything we wanted to get across through the journals. We are seeing the true heart of the boy's feelings towards each other and more importantly, their true feelings about being apart, through Sam's writing of them and Dean's reaction to them. We are thrilled that you see it too. Thank you for your astute comments about the letter and about Blake, we appreciate that you get their significance to the boy's journey back together in our story. We were sure that Dean needed to read that letter and the fact that Blake handed it over to him shows Blake's level of understanding at what these boys need as well as showing Sam's level of trust in his friend and doctor. We cant' thank you enough for your kind words, we are stoked at your generosity and praise. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: Tree66 (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 08:56 AM · On: Chapter 10
WOW!... I'm utterly speechless... seriously... I need to process this whole chapter again. At first I find myself not really liking Sam ( and no- its not because I'm such a die-hard DeanGirl) but mostly because I've always thought of him as a tad selfish. His journal entries made me feel that all again- and when Dean sorta called him a "hypocrite" - i was like "Right on!" But then- you just keep reading- and all the hurt and blame- it was really two sided- and seeing Dean accept alot of that blame-(of course he always kinda does) brought it back around. I'm still kinda pissed at Sam for always being the one that ran away- but its good that it seemed like underlying- he knew it would have been wiser to have 'worked it out' with his brother... okay- so I wrote more than I intended at first blush... but what a great chapter. I adored those last couple of lines- and like Dean- I'm clinging to the hope that when Sam wakes up- some serious healing can begin.
Author's Response: Thanks Tree, speechless? Wow! We love it that we affected you deeply enough that you need to process the whole chapter all over again. It's interesting how different people perceive different things about the brothers - even though we're both avid Dean girls, we've never actually seen Sam as being selfish, but passionate, driven and single-minded, balanced by a deep-seated desire to do what's right and love for his big brother. And with him taking so much to heart and brooding like he does, the radiation thrown into the mix made for some interesting journal entries. We also believe that Dean would view Sam's journals through this understanding as well. We all know from personal experience how cancer patients can get sometimes with the depression and anxiety. Poor Sam had that plus the knowledge of what he had done back at Stull, and the abiding fear of what his brother would do if he ever caught up with him. We are really glad that you read the rest of the journal's with the understanding that the hurt and blame worked both ways - it really is the Winchester way isn't it, and yes, we sure agree that it is especially Dean's way. Thanks so much for adoring the last part of the chapter, such a lovely thing to say. We love your words about clinging to hope and serious healing, cos boy, have we waited a long time... Petra and Jules
Reviewer: Primrose (Signed) · Date: 17/05/09 10:18 PM · On: Chapter 9
What a great chapter! I am SO hooked on this story, I can't wait to read what happens next! I loved Sam's journal entries, and am glad to have that view of everything he's been through. Once again, you have made some wonderful and compelling characters to help the boys along the way- Ginny is just great. Knowing what she's been through makes her peaceful nature so understandable. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks very much, what a lovely review. We are very excited that you can't wait for our next chapter. Thanks for your comments re Sam's journal. We discussed what we wanted to portray of Sam's journey - emotionally and physically - long and hard before I wrote them. We are thrilled you loved them. Ginny is a wonderful support person for Sam, thank you so much for commenting on that. Again, thanks for your kind words, Petra and Jules
Reviewer: supernaturaldh (Signed) · Date: 17/05/09 06:10 PM · On: Chapter 9
Awesome story ladies, I am loving this.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your enthusiastic comment, we are stoked you are loving our story, Denise. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: bia1007 (Signed) · Date: 16/05/09 03:53 PM · On: Chapter 9
Very sorry I'm so late with my review, somehow I caught a very nasty eye infection and my watching & reading time is strictly limited, so I had to make sure first to be able to watch the SN finale, which was absolutely amazing, you will love it!! But you are on top of my list right after that and so here it comes: Thank God for Ginny, she's desperately needed (human in a literal sense and the best thing is, there are indeed some people like here among us) and I still don't like Blake, he might have good intentions and everything but no, sorry, his self-righteous attitude is something I absolutely abhor and it's causing only more pain for Dean; Ginny was so right saying "I don't believe either of them can be completely whole without the other", hope she can help!! Can't tell how much the journal once more touched me, extremely sad but also one huge declaration of love and longing for Dean (fav lines - I can't stop looking at the empty chair and wishing./I just want Dean to come and get me and take me away from all this. I can't do this cancer trip without him. All I want is for Dean to stop hating me./I just know in my heart that I belong somewhere else. Pity somewhere else doesn't want me./If I'd stayed one more second I know I would have seen that that little kid lean back into that nudge and I couldn't bear to see it. In fact I'm pretty sure he would have stayed leaning for a bit because that's what I would have done. Did it most of my childhood./Pretty overwhelming!). For Dean it must feel like walking through this nightmare himself and as painful as it is, I think it also will start the healing for both, aww wow, really, this feels so real and I think I love this story nearly too much by now; no just kidding, never could love it too much!! P.S. Wonderful line about Sam's eyes (you made my day with it once again) - "And his eyes - I've never seen such sadness and pain in anyone's eyes before." Very true, thanks!
Author's Response: Wow, another stunning review. We are honoured that you chose to make our fic a priority with the season finale in spite of your eye infection. We hope you are on the mend and feeling better. Yes, Ginny is a wonderful support for Sam. Her compassionate and intelligent approach is exactly what Sam needed. And we agree, the world is blessed because of people like her. We love it that you love her so much. We ask you to hang in there with Blake. You are right; he is acting out of best intentions. He shows his support and loyalty differently from Ginny - he is fiercely protective because he knows the physical and emotional journey Sam endured, and his need to care for people is what makes him a great doctor. He doesn't know Dean yet, but he knows Sam. He doesn't want to see him hurt anymore. And remember Ginny chose him, so he must have that something special. Keep your eye on him in our coming chapters... Thanks so much for your awesome comments about Sam's journals. You are getting exactly what I set out to do. I am stoked that you picked out bits of the journals that touched you - as a writer I can't ask for a greater compliment. Our plan all along was that Dean would see Sam's journey exactly through Sam's eyes. So yes, it's a tough read for him. Jules did a magnificent job with this aspect of this chapter. Wow, "it feels so real" - what an awesome comment. You made our day! And that little gem about the boys eyes - that little gem was all Jule's. She is a legend when it comes to writing Winchester eyes. Again, thanks so much for putting into words how reading our fic makes you feel. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: pinkphoenix1985 (Signed) · Date: 16/05/09 07:26 AM · On: Chapter 9
This is just so good! you had me in tears reading Sam's entries and feeling Dean's pain at the same time. I know that Blake has got good intentions but I want SamnDean back together! I really love the character of Ginny! I honestly think that your storyline is much more fitting than what's going on the Show ;) Jules, I know that you're a Dean girl, but I find that you really do get Sam and honestly, I like how you're treating Sam's decisions, etc! This is brilliant!!
Author's Response: Thanks heaps for such a wonderful review. Your tears are actually a great compliment, we are amazed we affected you so deeply. Your comments about Sam's journals and Dean's reaction reading them put huge smiles on our faces. We are very glad that you get Blake is acting out of the best intentions. He is protecting Sam because he is a good friend and a good doctor. Don't be too hard on him, just have a little patience and watch this space... Your love of Ginny is much appreciated, we love her too! Your ‘brilliant" just made our day, thanks so much! Yes, Jules is a Dean girl and so am I, but it wasn't hard to get into Sam's head to write his journals because we talked long and hard about how Sam would be dealing with his separation from his brother and his illness. Thanks for your comments, that's a huge rap. As far as wanting the boys back together, hmmm, stick with us... Petra and Jules
Reviewer: vonnie836 (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 10:15 PM · On: Chapter 9
Once again I'm speechless. You got my brain working overtime and I have to get my thought collected first. Having Ginny here to intervene was a great move. To find that she get's Sam and knows what he needs more than he knows himself is amazing. I think she is the gift from heaven that will help the brothers get back together. Dean is getting further into the journal, finally finding out what's going on in Sam's head. He finds out some truths about his brother but also about himself and about their dad. It was gripping and at the same time terrifying to read how torn Sam is. How he is scared of Dean but at the same time needs him so much. How he wants to be alone but needs Dean around. How he is glad Dean doesn't know about his pain and struggles but is desperate to have him there because he feels like he can't be without him. He reminds me of a little boy that tries to do things on his own to prove he can't but wishes desperately for mom to be there to help. But it's more than that because there is so much self loathing going on. Sam feels he deserves every bit he got and at the same time is fighting with it as he says he never wanted any of it but had no choice because he was cursed before he was born. His struggle, the constant back and forth seems so typical for someone suffering from depression and a serious, possibly terminal illness. To me it feels like at the time he wrote this he really didn't think he was going to live, even though they got the whole tumor. He talks about hoping to be cremated and needing to talk about it to Ginny. There is no, need to make plans because there is a possibility, its just a matter of fact statement. He is scared of Dean but at the same time wishes for him to find him, rather dying fast from his hand than messy. To me this says he might think Dean hates him but he feels the need to see him again, to be with him, even if that means he will die from Dean's hand. This deep conflict and despair is heartbreaking and you guys make it so real. I also wonder what happened during the first year. It seems almost like Sam doesn't even remember the time at Bobby's house, like everything after he woke up is just wiped from his memory. I love how Dean finds out about Phoenix, how the pieces fall together and how he sees his brother taking care of him even when he thinks he hates him. The struggle in Dean that reading the journal brings is very clearly to see to. He still resents so much of what Sam did but he also sees where he fits into Sam's behavior. He is insulted by Sam's interference in his life yet at the same time touched. Well, I could go on and on and never end because there is so much going on in my brain, but if I don't shut my brain off, I might get some supernatural tumor also. Anyway, thanks for writing this. I really love it. I wanted to make some comparisons to the season finale but caught myself at the last time. I don't know if it already ran in your part of the world. So I see you again next week. Hugs, Vonnie
Author's Response: We have you speechless and your brain in a whirl! We take that as a huge compliment! Your comment that Ginny is a gift from heaven to help our boys get back together is beautiful and we thank you very much. She is Jules creation and I loved writing about her influence in Sam's life in that tough year. Your observations that the journals gripped and terrified you with Dean and your analysis and interpretation of them just made my day - you are getting exactly what we set out to achieve in our readers. And then your awesome comment that they felt so real, just icing on the cake. As authors, we couldn't be happier. Thank you so much for such a wonderful review. We are also very happy that you are not getting a supernatural tumour reviewing our fic!! Petra and Jules
Reviewer: amethyst (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 07:15 PM · On: Chapter 9
wow, those journal entries are so powerful, I can feel Sam's suffering. After everything he's been through, to have to go through cancer treatment alone AHHH! When he said he had to make sure they knew he wanted to be cremated, I bawled my eyes out. Your one of the few writers who can make me do that. Poor Dean, I'm so glad at least Ginny is on his side, I'm sure the pain of his brother missing for two years, only to find him like this , battling cancer alone and thinking his brother wanted him dead must be killing him. Both of you are to be congratulated, this is such a gut wrenching story, definately as angst filled as season 4.
Author's Response: What an awesome review! Your comments and reflections about the journal entries are much appreciated. Jules and I wanted to hit the emotions hard and your tears are confirmation that we were successful. Thankyou for understanding exactly what Ginny means for Sam. Her creation is all Jules but I made sure that Sam's journal showed her relationship with Sam to the max - but more than that, her understanding of Sam and what he was going through. Your final comment has put smiles on the faces of two co-authors that just won't die! Petra and Jules
Reviewer: supernaturalfan (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 06:46 PM · On: Chapter 9
I love this chapter and so glad Dean has someone on his side. I hope she changes Sam's doctors mind because they really need to be together to heal each other. I loved all your journal entries about Sam's hair. I love everything about that boy, but his hair *sighs* no words can express. Thanks for the imagery.(did I spell that right, oh well) "You might be in luck, big brother, maybe this radiation therapy will kill me and save you the bullet. I hate you, and I hate me. I hate the treatment I have to have. I hate Ruby. I just want everybody to leave me alone. I just want everything to stop! I just want Dean to come and get me and take me away from all this. I can't do this cancer trip without him. All I want is Dean to stop hating me." Where do you pull this from? My heart broke with that whole paragraph. Just reading it again now makes me want to cry. That last sentence the most. You've done it again and please don't stop. Look forward to next week!!
Author's Response: Ah, another Ginny fan! Isn't she awesome? We are so pleased that you understand her value in our brother's relationship. We discussed Sam's hair and the side effects of his treatment in depth before he wrote these journals. We are very glad that you liked the way we handled that aspect of his treatment. We love Sam's hair too!! Thanks for your lovely comments. Where did I pull that journal entry from?? I think it's because I lived in Sam's head for so many weeks. Jules and I spent three days straight discussing what we wanted to portray in Sam's journals - his journey, his emotions, his illness and treatment, and how these journals would fit and enhance the overall arc of the storyline, and Dean's reactions when he eventually found them. I can't thank you enough for your wonderful comments about an entry from the journal that affected you so deeply. We look forward to you reading our next chapter. And no, we won't be stopping just yet! Petra and Jules
Reviewer: Midge (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 04:56 PM · On: Chapter 9
For a long chapter that was absolutely rivetting. Sam really has had a crap year and now Dean is suffering in retrospect. Can't wait for them to be in the same room together hopefully talking rather than fighting. Roll on next week.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review. It is so exciting that our readers are riding the emotional waves with both brothers. Your comment that our chapter was riveting was just the best!! Petra and Jules
Reviewer: Tree66 (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 12:58 PM · On: Chapter 9
Totally loving those journal entries- sooooo Sam. Loved Ginny too- nice that she can put some understanding and perspective on Sam and Dean's relationship. Hopefully her husband will come around too... he could certainly help the situation instead of being a barrier. It's devastatingly powerful- Dean's reactions as he reads the journal- in my head- I can see his face, his movements, his reactions... can see his pain and guilt surfacing and playing out in his face. Not looking forward to the radiation chapter- know its gonna be sad- and hard on both of them (Sam then and Dean now). Hope Sammy wakes up and gets better. They soooo need to talk.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your terrific review. Your comment that the journal entries are sooooo Sam made my day soooooo much! You just get Ginny. You have her pegged perfectly. Keep your eye on Blake. He may feel like a barrier at the moment but remember he is protecting Sam because he doesn't know of the brother's real history. His reaction is because he is looking out for his patient and friend. We love it that you are watching and understanding Dean so carefully as he reads his brother's journals. The images you described are exactly what we hoped for in our readers. Jules is doing an exceptional job of writing Dean reacting to Sam's journals. She was very keen to match the levels of Dean's reactions to the intensity I was writing in Sam's journals. Thnak you so much for such an awesome comment. And yes, these boys soooo need to talk... Petra and Jules
Reviewer: janebear (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 09:48 AM · On: Chapter 9
WOW!!!!! This chapter took me a little while to get through. I actually found myself reading it a couple of times before I left this review. This was a heart wrenching chapter. I thought that I had tears galore with the last chapter. I think I am going to have to invest into quite a lot of Kleenex at this rate. What can I say this chapter has been the most heart wrenching yet. It is just filled with so much angst, and raw emotions. WELL DONE!!!!!!! I just loved Ginny. She sounds like one tough cookie and a great ally for Dean. I think she will be the one to get Dean and Sam back on the same page. I also think she will be getting her husband Blake to lift his ban and allow Dean to see Sam. I am hoping for a fantastic chick-flick brotherly moment when the brothers to do find each other again. Great touch with the two brothers that Sam keeps seeing. I can feel poor Sam's pain in wanting his big brother back. I think that it also has helped opened Dean's eyes a little bit too. Again, an excellent job and such talent. No wonder I am such a huge fan!!!!!!!!!! Now I have to wait another week for the next chapter, but don't worry will be here. Wouldn't be anywhere else!!!!! many hugs, Jane
Author's Response: Thanks heaps for such a beautiful review. Your kind words are much appreciated and treasured. We are very pleased that this chapter reached you on such a deep level. Thank you for getting Ginny. She is exactly what our boys need isn't she? As far as her influence on Blake...hmmm.. you are going to love our next chapter... Thanks for your lovely comments about the two little brothers Sam writes of in his journal, and Dean's eyes being opened to what Sam is feeling and missing, that was exactly my intention when I wrote them in. We love having you as a huge fan, and we are stoked that you will be waiting for our next chapter. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 09:31 AM · On: Chapter 9
Wow, a brilliant chapter, both boys are in such a bad place at the moment, i hope Dean can see Sam soon, i like Ginny she's great.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! We love it when our readers use words like "brilliant" - we couldn't ask for a nicer compliment. Yes, our boys are in pain and it's very hard for Dean to be so close after two years apart and yet so far. Thanks for liking Ginny, we are thrilled so many of our readers are relating to her. Petra and Jules
Reviewer: ziggy (Signed) · Date: 15/05/09 08:05 AM · On: Chapter 9
Just an amazing chapter girls and thank goodness for Ginny, maybe she can talk some sense into her doctor husband. She is right, the boys both need each other - desperately.
An absolute touch of genius having Dean find out all about Sam’s brain tumour through his journals, learning more about Sam’s emotions than he would if they had had a conversation. You can so feel Sam’s hurt and loneliness in his words and also his regrets and feelings of worthlessness, plus the trauma with all that he has been through with the cancer and treatment. He would never have admitted these out loud to Dean and it is something the elder Winchester needs to know if they are ever to bridge that gap. He just has to convince his little brother (when he finally gets to see him) that there is nothing to be scared of, he is not there to kill him and he needs Sam as much as Sam needs him. And it’s going to be one hell of a chick flick moment coming up, will get my tissues ready. Plus loved Dean’s reactions to what he read, so real as what he read brought out different emotions in him. Sam’s journals were heartbreaking but told his story in the most effective way, I take my hat off to you Petra for writing them and Jules for having the idea. Also loved how you wrote with Sam seeing the two brothers and remembering what he and Dean used to be like. No wonder he found it so painful as that is just what he needed right then. And yes, the journals have confirmed Dean's suspicions that Sam is the brains behind the whole operation with Phoenix and him being teamed with Bill Whitesnake, thought so, especially with the purchase of those books! That explained the hunter’s stuff in the alcove!
Hopefully Ginny words and Sharon's phone call have sunk in and Dr Monroe will relent and let Dean see his little brother, but guess I will have to wait until next Friday to find out! Have a great weekend girls Sarah
Author's Response: What would we do without you, Ziggy? Your gentle and intelligent beta is one huge factor in the success of this fic. Your stunning review is much appreciate and very precious. Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments on my writing of the journals. You, have understood everything I wanted to achieve and I appreciate your indepth reflections very much. Jules was absolutely right that Dean finding Sam's journals was going to be a perfect (not to mention emotional!) reveal to finding out what had happened to Sam while they were apart. She is our resident creative genius for sure! I loved it that you commented on those two little brothers and Sam's reactions to seeing them together. And will our compassionate Ginny have any influence over her protective husband while he shields his patient from any perceived harm? Oh look, it's nearly time for the next chapter... Petra and Jules
Reviewer: faye_dartmouth (Signed) · Date: 11/05/09 10:55 PM · On: Chapter 8
I think you're striking a remarkably good balance here. The depth of Sam's failure is hard to imagine, and I think you very much got the brokenness of his aftermath. Moreover, I love how you're drawing Dean's reaction out, and it gives me hope that both boys will become duly repentant, not so much for their role in the near-apocalypse, but for the pain they caused one another. Nicely done chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks so much Faye - it's even more appreciated since we shook you up a little with the previous chapters. I'm not pointing fingers, but if I had to, I'd point them at John first. But then I'd point them equally at both brothers - they've both done wrong things and caused hurt to the other - well-intentioned or not. But I'm also hoping that the love that still exists will somehow pull them through - whatever is left of them after the finale (which we won't see for weeks yet - we've just seen 4.10) But in this story, we're working towards a definite goal, and we won't deviate. Hopefully once I find out the bare bones of what did happen in the finale, I will still be able to finish this tale..... Jules
Reviewer: marian_dnsg4l (Signed) · Date: 11/05/09 03:49 PM · On: Chapter 8
You gave him cancer! You gave him cancer!! *flails* *Calms down enough to write an actual review...* The moment I read Oncology I stopped breathing. I don't know how I managed to finish the chapter... I've read them getting stabbed and shot and tossed around and getting their ribs broken and getting cut with infections but cancer! *sniffs* The worst is that it makes so much sense... And then Sam's journal was just heartbreaking! Poor Sammy, and poor Dean reading all of that, and feeling guilty over punching him, and not being with his brother...*sniff* And I just know the letter is going to finish me off, isn't it? God, this is such an awesome story... I hope Sam gets well and they go back to being brothers like they used to! I need a happy ending because I have a feeling the Show's not gonna give us one! Really, really Looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Hello and welcome! Yes, we gave him cancer - with all that pain every time Sam used his powers, and the blood running from his nose, we just let our evil minds wander off, and they came back dragging this scenario..... So pleased - in an evil sort of way - that you loved the peek into Sam's mind via the journals. There's lots more good stuff where that came from. And yes, I have to say, the letter just might finish you off - I had tears in my eyes when I was writing it..... but I'm such a softie, it's not surprising. When Sam cries, I cry...*shrugs*.... but you won't be finished off until the end of chapter 10 - that's when the letter makes its appearance. So you've got some time to stock up on tissues. As for a happy ending - well, I'm a hopeless Pollyanna, and Petra is addicted to Mills & Boon endings - and there is that little picture in the story banner.... Jules
Reviewer: bia1007 (Signed) · Date: 09/05/09 04:21 PM · On: Chapter 8
What a mighty good chapter, this is the stuff of a classic tragedy!! Felt like walking through a nightmare with Dean, to learn what happened to Sam during these two years without him was more than painful. Really didn't like Dr. Monroe and his attitude towards Dean at all, he never gave him a chance to explain, although he seemed to know exactly who Dean was (maybe I'm overreacting a bit here, but it felt so wrong, all this time it should have been Dean at Sam's side not this doctor and we know how desperate Dean was without his brother). God, and poor Sam, all this time so scared but always longing for Dean (and how alone and awful he must have felt in this hospital so sick), trying to protect him as Phoenix - loved this revelation; touching scene when Dean saw the photo, a wonderful sign how Sam treasured his memory; aw and then the journal, that was the hardest part for me (you did a truly fantastic job with this!), it's something so personal and I felt like an intruder, but also I think it was important for Dean to read it, made him understand Sam's feelings, his guilt about trusting Ruby, his fear and motives, all he wanted was to protect his brother - "...I was so frigging scared that Hell would come for Dean again, and I couldn't face it. I couldn't lose my brother again" - and above all his love for Dean. Still hoping for a happy ending here with both realizing their home lies in each other, fingers crossed!!!
Author's Response: Thank you, Bia. That was really special. It is like a nightmare for Dean - a nightmare come true. And yes, Blake knows who Dean is - he's seen that photo on Sam's dresser. But he thinks he's protecting his patient - he knows who Dean is but he really doesn't know Dean. The journals are going to reveal quite a lot - and Dean is going to bounce from one emotional level to the next, right along with Sam as he walks through his treatment and his feelings. It's very important for Dean to have this insight into his brother's mental state. They can't move forward until all this stuff comes out in the open, as hard as it's going to be to face some of it. Happy ending, eh? Look at the story banner - top right hand corner. Epilogue scene - and that's all I'm saying..... Jules
Reviewer: vonnie836 (Signed) · Date: 09/05/09 10:44 AM · On: Chapter 8
Just when I thought this story couldn't get any better, it did. I really don't know how you do it. This was pure mastery. I felt for Dean every step of the way as he waited for answers, distressed over what was going on with his brother, overhearing the nurse on the phone and getting up to the oncology ward. He desperately tried to hide his hands until the oncologist finally made him. Going back to Sam's apartment, systematically searching it and finally finding the meds, which threw up more questions then it answered. Then he finally got to the 'hunter's nook', this anger so great at Sammy lying once again made me wanna scream, "Get your head out of your butt." And then he came across the journal. Wow, this really hit me. I mean I already knew Sam had a brain tumor but the journal entries, they really sounded like something a cancer patient would write. It made me cringe to hear his loneliness and tiredness. How he knew how badly he screwed up by not listening to his brother, how he still felt condemned but more then anything how desperate he was for his brother. His fear while awake but his need so great when under drugs, that nothing could could came him once he realized his brother, his strength, the only one he longed for was not there, the touch he felt was from a nurse instead. I loved how Dean's eyes were opened and how he realized he needed to be with Sam, no matter what it took. Hope he can keep his cool with the doc, so he can explain himself. I really can't wait for next week. This is just beyond awesome. You two are really beyond words. Hugs, Vonnie
Author's Response: Aw, thanks, Vonnie. We've worked very hard on this one. We did a lot of research, including personal experiences - my man lost the fight with leukaemia, and Petra's dad has had radiation treatment for cancer, so we dug into that quite deeply. Petra's dad was a wonderful source of information, as was Tree, and we found some great sites on the web. And yes, all of Sam's inner feelings are going to come pouring out in these journals. It's going to be really difficult for Dean to see some of this, and realise that it wasn't just Sam who had kept secrets. And of course, it's going to be heartbreaking for Dean to see how sick his brother had been during the treatment. As for Dean's little chat with Sam's doctor - it's going to be a bit of a battle, but Dean will have an unexpected ally.... Jules
Reviewer: Primrose (Signed) · Date: 09/05/09 08:30 AM · On: Chapter 1
That was...so good! When Phoenix was first mentioned I immediately thought of Sam but once again you managed to fool me into thinking maybe my first instincts were wrong. Hah! I was RIGHT the first time! As far as the rest of it goes, oh poor Sam. It breaks my heart that he went through it all alone. Because he was so afraid of Dean and what he thought of him. And I feel bad for Dean realizing that. Do we have to wait a whole week for the next chapter? Really? Sigh.
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, that was sneaky of me. Especially when we saw that Phoenix - Alvin - was a real person. But all along it was Sam in the background, setting Phoenix up and feeding him the information. It was hard for Sam to walk through that alone, unable to call Dean because he thought that his brother would either ignore his plea or come and finish him off. Dean's going to have a lot of churned-up emotion over that. And yep, you do have to wait a whole week. We're still working on chapter 9, frantically trying to polish it up before Friday. Jules
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