Damn you Morrigan! You and Scopie. *bangs head against wall in desperation*
Back to the story. First of all: THANK YOU for this prezzie. Very much appreciated (Yay! Got a birthday story!).
On the story: You told me it would be a little angsty and a little hurt Dean. And I replied that I knew your kind of “little hurt and little angsty”... And HELL, was I right about that! This story is oozing angst. And the hurt? Can there be more hurt without killing the gorgeous guy? NO MA'AM! I have to say, I like this story and I am actually sitting on the edge of my chair until the next update!
Dean was talking in his sleep, the same nightmare, the same words, the same conversation-for days. Dean dreaming? Never a good thing, dude. Knowing what we know by now in season 4, Dean only dreams if it's seriously disturbing dreams. Like memories of hell or like apparently these dreams. Gosh, they are heart-breaking! But I will get to that later on. Man, I would be absolutely as worried as Sam. Then the silence thing. So unlike Dean! I mean, he isn't a talkative person when it comes to sharing emotional issues. But he barely manages a few minutes without cracking a joke or something. That is really, REALLY disturbing. And I bet it has to do with the shtriga and the memories it brought back. Dean just hasn't really processed what happened to him at that early age. The hurt was clearly etched into his face in the flashback, the hurt and above all the GUILT. I think it is the guilt that has been eating (literally) him up. Gawd, John could be such a sucky father. Man...
drunk and unwilling to talk about what was going on Dean's approved method of dealing with suppressing emotional turmoil. Not gonna work, Dean! And it doesn't work in the current season as well. *sighs and shakes head*
"Whatever." Dean grabbed his bag and stalked out of the hotel, he got into the passenger seat of the car and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. No, NOT good. NOT GOOD AT ALL. What the f&%$ is wrong with him?? He doesn't even wanna drive? Prefers Jack to his baby?`What the f%$§?? Damn. This is so painful to read. I can absolutely feel Dean's pain and guilt. Very angsty without even going into Dean's thoughts! Ugh. Poor Sam. He must be freaking out. I wonder how he managed to stay calm this long. It's a very brave, heroic achievement for the hotblooded and curious lil bro! I couldn't have done it. I am way too impatient. Way to go Sam, for being an awesome, understanding and loving brother!
his brother's words, some distinct, some not, some utterly heartbreaking. Dean laid bare. It hurt him to listen. It worried him. OMG. Oh, my freaking god. Dean with his guard down. Only happens in sleep (love me a sleeping Dean, so vulnerable). And heartbreaking. Dammit. SO TRUE!
dreaming about their father, at least the half of the conversation Sam heard was directed to "Dad.” That's bound to be painful and guilt-ridden. Damn that man! He is such a crappy father. The hurt and guilt he caused both his sons always enrages me. Especially, his disregard or - at best - mere acceptance of Dean and Dean's support and help as a given thing, while all the time his eldest son is begging for his love, totally infuriates me. John just shrugs Dean's emotions off and prefers to either hunt the YED or argue with Sam! Seriously dysfunctional family. And of course, Dean will be apologizing to his dad for everything he feels he might have done wrongly.
"the litany" *weeping while reading/listening to Dean's words* I am still speechless, hun. That hurt. Really HURT. *trembles* My fault. Oooooh, gaaaawd. *clamps a trembling hand across her mouth to stop sobs from escaping*
Dean said will, not I would die for him-talking about a possible outcome-but I will, immediate. Frighteningly immediate. And he did die for Sam. And, as we all know, he would do so too, in the future if need be. OMG. *sniff, off to weep some more*
The minute the joking words were out of his mouth he regretted them. Dean looked up and for just a minute Sam saw recognition in his eyes, he saw a depth of grief that took his breath away and he saw the answer to his joking question-yes. *heart cracks into a thousand pieces* He really treasures himself so little, doesn't he? Such low self-esteem whereas in truth he is one of the bravest, strongest, most loving (fictional, remember that Ilka, FICTIONAL) persons I know!. Of course you need to be a little suicidal to do the job, to be a good hunter. But this? He is downright asking to be killed! Oh gawd. He must be crushed. Hate the creature for putting him through this with all my heart. This is worse than witnessing him die a slow death.... Oh I wish I could hug him and rock him till he feels less worthless or make him understand in another way (Oh, Muffy, get your mind out of the gutter!)... Poor Sammy! He meant to brighten the atmosphere, to ease the burden on his brother's shoulders and fails so bitterly. God. I feel sick to the stomach out of compassion for Sammy! *hugs him too...*
An Eater of Souls. oooh. Always liked the concept of the crocodile headed Egyptian lesser goddess! Or is it another one? I like the Egyptian pantheon, it is full of possible opponents for the boys! OK. I will tell you this: if the creature is male, I bet it is Babi (the baboon god), if it's female I am going for Ammit (which I think is the more famous and suitable adversary, the crocodile-hippo-lioness goddess). I am ever so curious now! What is gonna happen to Dean?
His brother was still conscious, but he was bleeding. Seriously. pressed his other hand into Dean's chest. I shouldn't have asked. Dammit Dean! Always putting yourself in between Sam and danger. I mean, I love a hero big bro story. But they always break my heart. He always gets the whole beating and in this case, it almost seems as if he is dying. The image of Sam pressing his hands into his brother's chest seems at first a little gory (which I like). However, reading it again, I see the deeper meaning here. Sam is literally pressing life back into his brother, trying to stop the bleeding and he is INSIDE his brother's chest as he is always in Dean's heart and soul. Does that make any sense? I feel the desperation in Sam's action and the duality of being inside his chest and in his heart... Gawd, I need to stop reviewing. I am making myself dizzy...
Anyways, I am desperate about Dean's well being as is Sam, no doubt. Knowing that you don't write death fics (praise the lord, lol, no, I am not one of those bible maniacs, I am just very relieved!) I am only reduced to worrying how painful his recovery is gonna be, for Sam and Dean himself. Please, do update soon, hunny. I am dying here!
Love ya so much hunny, this story rocks. And it is absolutely what this girl needs to be drooling until she is dry like the Sahara. Awesome present!
Hugs, snogs Ilka
BTW: I love the banner! Well done you! You're quick learner, girl!