OK. I have actually not read the other reviews. I only read your profile update. And I still – after reading the tag – don't get why people would call you a Sam-girl! This is so about Dean! And Sam behaves like a bastard most of the time. Making it worse for Dean. Ignoring Dean's apologies. Even attacking him and nearly shooting Dean. That is so NOT Sam-loving material. But hey. You know what I and you say: Demons I get, people are just crazy.
Yeah, you tried to kill Sam you asshole, you thinks that’s a scuffle? Oh dammit, Dean. 't was under the influence of serious spellwork. Oh, that man kills me sometimes with his need to put all the blame in the world on himself.
feigned apology well either apology were feigned, weren't they?I didn't buy each of their “nothing serious happened” demeanors...They break my heart. In each and every episode. Need to get a new one some day...
He’d tried talking, Poke and prod and make fun of Sam and himself oh, if Dean is all about talking then it's serious. And always so heartbreaking. I am repeating myself, aren't I? But hey. I just feel that way about him. And the idea of cracking jokes to ease the tension... that's just so like Dean.
“Hey, Sammy, look, I’m starring in a slasher film, think I could play Jason?” Hilarious. Once again you show us your ability to add humour to a sad scene. It cheers us up but on the other hand makes the whole thing even more depressing. Dammit. You ROCK!
something that tasted less like numbing the pain of hell and more like tequila aw. Why is he drinking that much lately? Makes me really uneasy. I mean I know, he's been through a lot. But does he have to drink all the time? So not good! That'll endanger every hunt he and Sam are on. A drunk Dean can't function that well, I tell ya. He will be sorry 'bout that some day soon! He will live to regret that! Mark my words.
“Did I actually say that?” he asked the car. Oh shit, oh god, oh I’m a jerk. Oh shit. Aw, Dean. *pets his back* OK. It was a harsh thing to say, wasn't it? And I think it was totally out of character. SO much so, I didn't actually hear it the first time when I watched the epi. Slipped under my Dean-is-hot radar. 'coz that line would have so annoyed me. And mind you, I can cope with a lot he says. That was just so terribly NOT like him, I thought he was already under the spell! I dunno, maybe it was just bad writing. Or something is seriously wrong with Dean Winchester. I mean, even more wrong than usual.
shirt almost identical to the one he’d had on in Cold Oak. He bolted for the bathroom as the nausea hit him. Ugh. And there I go again. *wipes away tears* I feel sick too. These scenes with Sam dying and dead, they are always there, at the back of my mind and of Dean's of course. The guilt Dean must have felt, the guilt that drove him to give up his own soul to have Sam back. Oh dear.
if Sam had reacted, he was being careful not to let on Oh I hate that stubborn sonuvabitch sometimes. He is giving Dean a bad time. And he knows it hurts him. Dean is such a guilt-ridden person. Sam just knows how to make his brother feel like crap. He normally is all about sharing and caring. Why the f*** doesn't he speak now? Sorry, all you Sam-girls, but that is just not fair.
Drinking in the shower was nothing new—he’d done it a lot when he was a kid and hiding the bottle from John Not good. So, NOT GOOD. I said it before. He is gonna regret that. And by the way. The idea about teen!Dean drinking in the bathroom... how sad is that? The hunter life got to him, didn't it? It tore at him, broke him in so many ways... He had no one to confide in. John just would've cut across and told him to suck it up. And Sammy would've been scared to death if his heroic bro had shown weakness. He had just no other choice, did he? Aaaaw.
The guilt from what he said, the pain of the memory of Sam lying dead in his arms was catching up. He took a long swig and leaned his head against the wall. I suck. I know the feeling Dean. I so know the feeling. And the guilt again. It is eating him up. Worse than hell, I bet.
“You said it.” Sam picked up the bottle and took a drink. “You said it, without a thought.” Aw. Come on Sammy. Stop being an ass. You know he didn't mean it! Don't go making it worse for either of you! But he would, wouldn't he? He is such a righteous person. He wants to make Dean feel the way he does. To make Dean understand what he is going thru. But still, he is being very hard on Dean.
leaned against the wall wondering how to fix this. Always wondering how to fix Sam. How to look out for him. How to save him. How to suck up all the pain, guilt and worry so that Sam can live a happier life. Aw, he is such a hero! OK. I am a Dean-girl, so what?
“I loved Madison, Dean. LOVED HER!” Sam shouted. Ouch! That hurt even me! How much would it pain Dean to hear that! Though I am not sure that Sam loved Madison. He only knew her for like 48 hours. I mean, he was definitely falling in love. But really love her? Hm. You got me thinking here Muffy. I love Heart very much. I think I can stand to re-watch it, don't you think? Heehee, just for research of course!
“Gun without a round ready to go is nothing more than an expensive rock to throw at someone,” his father’s voice played in his head. Oh the omnipresent John. Dean must be hearing a lot of sentences like this. He worshiped John. And how did John thank him for it? He made him a broken man. Forced Dean to look out for his bro, no matter what the cost. To put Sam first all the time. Thus, resulting in Dean giving up his soul to Lilith. Hate John for the way he treated Dean sometimes. He was a bastard. But still, he must have had something good in him or Dean wouldn't have loved him that much. Maybe from the time before Mary died.
“And you know what I did? To THAT MONSTER?” Ouch again. And doesn't Sam kinda sound like Meg Masters in the second epi of this season? When she confronts Dean about how he should have saved her? And now Sam uses almost the same sentences. Poor Dean. And poor Sam, he must be really hurt here, or he would chose more understanding words. He sure know he is hurting Dean. Sam choses his words very deliberately. And the whole thing shows Dean's and Sam's real pain. Their pain to live lives they never wanted to live. To suffer while others are saved from harm.
the look in Sam’s eyes was… was… empty, desperate, heartbreak made physical. UGH. Wouldn't it be even worse if they turned black now? Like in the Halloween epi? Sam can be really cold in his eyes sometimes. He gives me the creeps then. And I fear for him. I am scared of losing Sam to the darkside. Dammit.
“She was so scared, crying, trying to be brave, but wanting to run.” The lack of emotion in Sam’s voice pushed Dean’s panic into overdrive. “She never begged, though. Never once.” Aw. PAINS ME! And Dean is panicking... I am too. What is Sam gonna do??
Tears were suddenly pouring down Sam’s face. He stayed there, the tears dropping on Dean’s face. “Sammy…” Uh. Stop, Muffy. You are tearing me apart. The kiss. OMG. And the tears dropping down on Dean's face. Damn, that is a sad picture! Worse than NRFTW and AHBL. WORSE. I feel really, really sick now. Gawd. How must Dean feel? And Sam?
“Dean?” Sam was sobbing—it sounded like each breath was tearing a piece of Sam away with it. *dies in pain and from compassion...* tearing a piece of Sam with it... jeeeeeez...
Dean almost wished Sam had killed him—for bringing this back, for his insensitivity, for everything. “Sam? Oh, god, Sammy, I’m so sorry.” Oh, guilt again. I don't know how much more I can take. How many times did Dean say he is sorry now. And I believe him. He rarely apologizes which always indicates he truly regrets what ever happened... Aw Dean. C'm here. Lemme hug ya and we will cry together, cuddled against each other. I forgive you!
Nothing except his brother, broken beyond belief. And he’d done it. *is speechless at the amount of self-flagellation Dean is capable of* Dean most certainly is the master of self destruction. He is worse than me! And that means a lot!
You shouldn’t have moved the gun. OH. GOD. Dean wants to die? After what happened the first time? Even if it meant he would go back to hell? Damn he must be so upset. At least I am. Dean ya idjit! Stop talking like that! You're scaring me!
“You said words spoken in anger can wound—can even kill—faster than a bullet.” “You also said,” Sam continued, pulling back to look at Dean. “There are words that can heal the wound.” Aw, I love that! Sam just saved the day and Dean's heart. *hugs Sammy* Just the right thing to say, Sammy. Way to go Sam! (and Muffy of course, lol)
And maybe sometime… Sometime… Dean could forgive himself. You really think he could? I don't think he can. 's not in his nature. He will always carry the weight of the world on his strong broad shoulders... yummy. Made myself drool, LOL.
Awesome story, Muffy. I really felt the need for a tag. SO many thing were left unsaid. And I am actually considering of writing at tag to this episode. I felt the last scene needed a tag. Too short and too little honesty...
Love this thing, I am glad you wrote it! I put it on my fav list. YOU ROCK!!!!
Hugs ya, Ilka
