I think you've captured the essence of John's triumph, and his failure. He did the right thing...the demon was after Sam when Mary died, I think he always knew that somewhere inside, knew he had to teach his boys to survive, knew he needed to kill that thing before it came back for them. But his love for Mary had been so deep, so strong, that losing her broke something inside him, broke him so completely that he couldn't allow himself to feel or he would fall to pieces and fail her as well as his boys. He had to believe that he took up hunting out of vengeance, not love. He had to harden his heart if he was to save his sons, couldn't see them as sons, as children with hopes and fears and joys and needs. He let Dean raise Sam because opening himself to be a father would have destryed him. He was, in a way, a coward, but he was also right. I don't think he had the emotional strength to survive it. Dean and Sam have it now only because of each other, the two who are one. As is frequently said in these stories and episodes, he really did do the best he could. And because of it, there is a chance the apocalypse will be averted. Because this one man was strong enough to open his eyes, and not turn away from the reality of the world. Even if it destroyed him. (Of course, if I were Sam, I'd have rebelled too. Even soldiers should be allowed to question orders and offer their own expertise. John was a stubborn cuss, wasn't he? Not surprised he alienated all his friends at one time or another. Could never just listen! Poor Dean, always caught in the middle. )

A very good story.

Nice job Kelly, I've always thought of Dean as sort of an avenging angel, watching over Sam. You caught that angle (hehe) nicely. And John, poor John, hardening his heart ... the imagined conversation with Mary is so sad. Wonderful tale. Thanks for posting! :)

--cricket

Author's Response:

Thank you so much!  I really appreciate it! I'm glad  you enjoyed it!

~K