Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed)
20/04/08 09:37 AM · On:
amazing chapter,i'm loving lobo.
Hee. Glad you like Lobo. He was a request. :)
Reviewer: Gobigorstayhome (Signed)
16/04/08 07:01 PM · On:
A wordless plea that called to Dean with the intuition of birth orderMan, the power of that statement is unreal. Though I don’t “know” birth order, I fully comprehend the responsibility that it brings. Perfect image. "Aw, fuck me…"So Dean. I can see him saying that too. J he felt his body shutting down like a computer system going off-line,Again such a clear –picture. Perfect!!! Ignoring the pointed way no one looked directly at himThat in and of its self is painful. Like they are looking at a dead man walking and don’t want it to wear off on them. Sad, pain, ouch. **pushes hand over heart** "Ya think?"There’s our Dean, to the end a sarcastic pain in the ass J Sighing, Dean slipped free of his will and melted against his brother's chest, trusting in the strength that had always been there to catch him as he fell.Super nice ending….You always drag us along to the next chapter so well. Not that dragging us is necessary. I for one will be skipping when I learn that there is more.So well written. So much to feel. Just so much!!!! Thanks for the ride
Hello my friend. Thanks for this -- you always know just what to say. And you see into the heart of my stories.
Love ya. :)
Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed)
13/04/08 12:48 PM · On:
i'm loving this story,there's so much happening.very exciting.
Thanks, hunter. I'm very pleased that you're enjoying this. Sorry it took so long to reply. Hope you enjoy the rest -- working on the final chapter now. :)
Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed)
13/04/08 06:37 AM · On:
wow,brilliant start,i'm really looking forward to reading this story.
Hey! Fantastic -- I'm so glad you liked the start and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Thanks for reading and taking time to review.
Best to you!
Reviewer: sojourner84 (Signed)
09/04/08 10:16 PM · On:
Loved chapter two! Here were my favorite parts:
**Loved your descriptions of Sam waking up after getting drunk.
**Dean feeding bacon to Lobo. Love.
**Dean felt the weight of Sam's words drift across his back and rest at the base of his neck. His brother's guilt was burrowing itself deep into his heart and it angered Dean that he couldn't find the right words, the right request, the right command to make Sam release it.
**The shrill cry that seemed to be coming from the liquid itself suddenly blossomed into an eerie version of a child's laughter, bouncing through the room and disappearing. When the sound vanished, the whiskey eyes fell, showering the room and splashing the onlookers with a fine spray of amber. (Creepy)
**Abe kept his voice soft, filling the void of Sam's silence. "He loved you both, but I saw who you each were to him. Dean is his warrior. You are his gift."
**"Put that down before you hurt yourself, Sal," Sam commanded snidely, desperately working at the bindings on his wrists. He shot a glance over to Dean and was dismayed to see his brother's head hanging low once more. A flash of panic shot through him.
**Time seemed to stand still as Sal and Dean froze for the fraction of a second it took them to realize that the ground they had been fighting for was no longer beneath them. Dean's quick breath was overshadowed by Sal's scream of realization.
And then they were gone. (Ahh!!!)
Great work, Amanda! The spirit in the bar was very creepy and well done, and the scene at the end with Sal…I love how your chapters move from creepy to deep to action packed. Very awesome. Sorry it took me so long to get here.
P.S. Nice soundtrack!
Take as long as you like, my friend. It's just awesome to see you reading and reviewing! AND enjoying! So glad you liked the soundtrack. Hee. I pulled out some of my oldies for this -- but resisted using the APP, though I was sorely tempted...
I thank you for your compliment on the pacing of my chapters. I want each one to be a bit of a ride so by the end of the story, you feel it was worth the price of admission. Your comment helped to validate that. I hope you continue to enjoy -- and I love how you pulled out your favorite parts. Hee.
Reviewer: bulletbabe (Signed)
09/04/08 04:59 PM · On:
Okay so this is attempt 3 to review so it may turn out to be one big box of text, that’s what happened last time I copied and pasted a review, and I do apologise if that is the case…but just had to review this chapter. I have my beer, my popcorn, (only salty will do) and I read this chapter with gusto, it’s still my favourite story out there at the moment and with good reason. Once again you have displayed a remarkable ability at finding completely original and innovative combinations of words and phrases that just leave me spellbound. ‘intuition of birth order’…’sound raked Dean’s spine’…silence held sway for two heartbeats’…all just mesmerising. I loved Bobby’s parental role in here but also the glimpses into his softer side, his passions and loves and it was a great touch to have him living a parallel life to the boys, leaving a loved one in order to protect them. The whole passage about a ‘normal life’ was heartbreaking yet again and those poignant little punctuations throughout the story always leave me breathless… …and a NAKED Dean…what’s not to love. And at this point I need to register a complaint…the line about ‘going commando in Bobby’s jeans’ literally had beer frothing from my nose, not something I recommend…and I actually had to go away and have a little sit down somewhere dark and quiet before I could come back and finish…please put a ‘guffaw’ warning on any future chapters that contain lines of that quality, and I’ll make sure I don’t have a mouthful of beer when I read…lol What a lovely nod to the end of Raiders…"Close your eyes!" Abe ordered, and Sam finally, finally obeyed. "Keep them closed, don't look, no matter what you hear!" and I couldn’t be happier that lobo is OK, I was more than a little worried there.
And Abe’s wisdom shone through in this paragraph…"When faced with the reality of what his actions toward Claire had resulted in—how many lives he had ruined with one selfish, sinful act—he did not show remorse, regret, or sorrow." Abe's voice was silk. The smooth cadence rocked into Sam and pulled his eyes up, hope glistening in the air between himself and the Ojibwa. "Light had given up trying to break in. You have much light inside of you, Sam Winchester. Never forget that."
But this line, and what followed, was what had me reaching for the tissues again…’ The tears came hot and unbidden. Dean felt them smack the back of his eyes and linger, burning the edges of his lashes like the acid of remorse. He didn't dare blink, knowing that they would spill, and all would see his weakness.’ Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…Roll on the next chapter. XX Louy
So sorry it took me a bit to reply to this. I had been watching for you, too! But life... well, you know. :)
Every time I post, I hold my breath, waiting for that one review that will crush me, send me scurrying back to my corner with a "don't quit your dayjob" type comment.
I never truly expect reviews like yours and when I get them I am overwhelmed. Thank you for taking time -- three times over, in fact! -- to leave me such a heart-felt review. I'm so pleased this chapter spoke to you and that you were left breathless at times.
When I wrote this, I saw it vividly in my head and got lost in it for a bit, coming up for air and hoping that the words I'd spilled across the paper actually made sense. Thank you for validating that for you, they did.
There's a lot more that still has to happen, and I hope I can wrap up chapter 8 to your (and others) satisfaction.
Best to you always -- oh, and now that some of my promises have been kept and I'm in a forced-to-rest situation, I am pleased to say I get to read your fantastic "Dream" very soon!!! *does dance*
Reviewer: sammarinade (Signed)
08/04/08 03:52 PM · On:
Hey love your story I've been reading since the beginning no time to comment until now though, sorry! Anyways got to say it again, it rocks so far, keep it up! But I do got to say...I'm pretty sure it's Ojibwe and not Ojibwa. Not to sound evil by correcting, but maybe check into it?
You don't sound evil -- it's actually both. The origin of the word is Ojibwe (as far as my research has shown me), but Ojibwa is also accepted. I discovered this mid-way through writing "In the Light" but since I'd referred to Abe as an Ojibwa in "Ramble On" -- and both were in fact commonly acceptable spellings of the word -- I left it as is for consistency sake.
No offence intended, I assure you.
Thanks for taking time to review and I appreciate your positive comments.
Reviewer: PurpleSpinx (Signed)
08/04/08 12:10 PM · On:
Really awesome chapter!! The scene where Dean had no pants was hilarious!! So true to character. I loved it!! I can't wait til the next chapter. My poor broken Dean needs a lot of TLC. Thanks for not killing off Lobo. He is to cool for that!!
You're so right. He really does. And he shall get it, I assure you. :)
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comments. Glad you liked the pants scene -- they stripped him for fever... had to do something with that, yeah?
Reviewer: jensengal3 (Signed)
08/04/08 11:48 AM · On:
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. You have such a way with words gaelic, its a pleasure to be able to read work that is overflowing with the obvious love you have for the characters and the programme.
The final chapter... sigh... don't let it be too long before grabbing all our attention again!!
Thank you so much, Sarah! You're compliment truly warmed me. I'm so pleased the story has resonated with you -- and I promise you I'm working to keep the wait between this chapter and the last short.
I have one zine submission due April 15th, but then I'll finish up Chapter 8. I hope you enjoy it!
Best to you,
Reviewer: Dean494 (Signed)
08/04/08 08:59 AM · On:
Excellent job. This chapter was packed with emotion. Both boys so broken, and ready to quit until Bobbý's words. I really love the way you write Dean and how he interacts with Lobo, glad that this beautiful animal is not dead.
I couldn't kill Lobo -- not only because I promised Nana56 (for whom the story was written) but also because I'm a firm believe in the DOG ALWAYS LIVES! :) There will be more of Lobo (and Lobo and Dean) in the final chapter.
I'm so please to hear that you enjoy the way I write Dean. That character is so vivid in my head that no other hero seems to be able to match up in TV or movies these days. :) He's ruined me. I fear he's ruined a great many of us...
Thanks for reading and I hope to see you again in the final chapter.
Reviewer: britany k (Signed)
08/04/08 12:34 AM · On:
Let me just start by saying how amazing you are. I have three little ones and sometimes I don't know where I'll find the time to read yet you find the time to beat real life back and share these amazing stories with everyone. Thank you. : )
OK on to Sam and Dean... I'm still getting over a bad cold so I'm gonna go with the hilight review this time.
I love how Dean would know Sam in the dark and how you reuse the line for Sam in regards to Dean.
I love the Here, get dressed line. We all know how Dean dosn't like to go anywhere naked. Hee!
I liked how Abe, who in a way was supposed to be an anchor for the boys, begins to doubt why they are doing what they do. It's so human.
The bathroom scene was just perfection. I love when the boys get it all out on the table. The way they say I love you, don't leave me without saying the words. *sniffle*
Silent communication between the boys when they decide to stay and fight.... *Hearts!*
It was nice and a little heartbreaking to hear Maggie and Bobby's backstory. I loved that Bobby admitted how much the boys really meant to him. I like that the show hit on that topic as well.
This line is beautiful... You said it yourself. We're all that's left. We believe in eachother, we'll make it through this... This hunt?... This life. That gets me right in the heart every time I read it.
The confrontation with the Ikiryoh... Dean's the last man standing and he takes it out. He really is my hero! Then the silent tears into his brother's chest at the end... guh!
I got you, brother, I won't let go... tears streaming down my face.
Wonderful chapter! I can't wait for chapter eight except then it will be over. *Sniffle again* [not from the cold]
*sends Brit some virtual Irish chicken soup and a smile*
I hope you feel better soon!! Colds are no fun. :(
Thanks for taking time to read and to leave me such a wonderful, detailed review even while not feeling well! I'm honored, lady. :) And I love, too, how you saw into their hearts with this... the way they have of showing each other they love each other without saying the words. Although... I kinda wish they'd say the words once in awhile.
I'm so pleased you enjoyed the end scene. I felt that while writing it. Left me a bit gutted. The next part has been started and I am eager to finish it and post it to see if you enjoy the final chapter.
Thanks so much for staying with me and for reading. Means the world to me.
Reviewer: Oceane (Signed)
07/04/08 08:51 PM · On:
So an intense, very powerful chapter. So well written than I felt the same emotions than what Dean, Sam and the others were felling. I'm so loving this story, I'm going to miss it when it'll end. Gaelic, I'm waiting with eagerness your last chapter.
Hi!! I love seeing you here knowing I won't see you over at the VS anymore. Thanks so much for coming by to read and THANK YOU for your kind review. I'm so glad you're enjoying it and that you're eager for the next chapter.
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
07/04/08 04:25 PM · On:
I love the start of this chapter with Dean's disorientation and his 'left him so ...juicy' comment, followed by his admission that he dosn't really know what he's saying. Its funny in a terrifying sort of a way! Like when people laugh in funerals - that sort of desperate release of tension? Shows the horror of the situation very starkly for me.
Then cleverly Gaelic, you have weak, hurt, disorientated Dean see through its intent, whilst the others are mesmerised by it, and what does he do? He threatens it not to go after the others - so Dean! I like his "Aw, fuck me..." line. He knows he's in the shit and I adore Abe stepping in as 'protector as the guardian temporarily falls' Wonderful imagery there and I felt in the room with them as this almost slow motion horror played out.
Dean embarassment at being hustled out naked? priceless! Well a hunters gotta have his dignity! and then a few pages on you give us wet through, sore, pissed off Dean when Maggie says "You need clothes..." and he retorts, in no mood to coddle..."Ya think?" God that made me smile as I could see those fiery fevered green eyes sparking with irritation and undenible strength.
The whole 'destiny' debate was fascinating as Abe's wonderful innocense and I fear, soon to be lost, naivety counterpointed the boys unconditional acceptance of their fate. It was like a theological paradigm debate but in a script that oozed modernity.
The exploration of Bobby and Magggie's relationship is wonderful and I would so like to see their story one day. Maggie is very real for me, and her raw, grieving love for Bobby is touching and tragic. They are both characters that it is so easy to have sympathy for (down to your fine writing) and I find myself wanting a happy conclusion for them. Too sentimental huh? All the same it would be sweet...
Oh and putting Dean in Bobby's old clothes - funny. Putting him in then commando? Hysterical!
The passage which starts "Sam was scared...Every time he looked away from Dean." is wonderful and it reconfirmed for for me that they are inextricably linked, maybe only whole when they are one! (Ramble on paints this so vividly). And the explanation Abe gives about the light and dark in people is lovely too. Its a very accessible explanation of good and evil - maybe we should have Abe talk to some of the spiritual leaders of the world and have him hack through their alegorical babble and cut to the chase?
Then you hit me with the death of Lobo and i grieved but then there he was large as life. The wolf familiar like the wolf - Dean. Eternally strong. I was glad to see him and loved Sam's wonder at Deans' ease with the wild thing'
And finally and quiet rightly you have Dean face down the monster, forgetting his pain, tiredness, fear. The guardian to the end. Wonderfully poetic Gaelic. And then because you are the kind being that you are you treat us to the soft, loving image of Sam cradling exhausted spent Dean in his arms as a single tear falls. Pretty!
Thanks Gaelic, fabulous and apologies for babbling on again!
Birdie, my God, don't ever apologize for babbling. Are you kidding? We're like soul sisters, you and I. I adore the babble. :) Especially when you're telling me that I did something right. One cannot hear that enough, so THANK YOU from my heart.
I'm so pleased that you pull out the parts that resonate with you -- to give you a visual, I read some of these reviews with my hand over my heart to catch it in case it tumbles from my chest (anxiety, you know) and I read yours and rub my heart knowing that all is well.
And your comment about Abe talking to the spiritual leaders... heh. I highly appreciated that one. There is more of Abe's story in the last chapter -- as well as more Dean and Lobo. Shoot, there's a lot that still has to happen.
But I figure if I haven't scared you off with long chapters by now, I'm fairly safe that you'll return.
Thank you so much for spending time with me!
Reviewer: mymuseandi (Signed)
07/04/08 04:28 AM · On:
awesome!!!!!! i love the fact that Dean and Sam joined the fight in the end. for them to just quit is...not them at all. they never know how to quit! although i wish it didn't have to be so detrimental to their health. as it is, i guess Dean is conscious due to sheer willpower alone, and thank god for Sam to be there to catch him when he fell.
Had some questions over the chapter when i was reading them, but for the life of me i can't remember what they are now!! LOL
"Nothing," Sam chuckled. He didn't really know what was funny except that… "I spent a week possessed by a demon. I shot and beat up my own brother. I killed a hunter. I tried to hurt Bobby. And… after all that… this ikiryoh gets stronger after being in Sal. Not me."
See, Sam is not evil after all!! well, not so as much as Sal anyway. Sal is so much more evil, and yet he's only a normal human being.
Yup, missing the music. Haha. Will the jukebox be working again, or should Maggie just buy a new one? :)
Heya Muse! Thank you so much for this! :) You always make me smile.
Sam has some internal processing to do about what happened to him this hunt-that-wasn't-supposed-to-be-a-hunt. I hope when you read it, it works for you.
Maggie's gotta buy a whole lot more than just a jukebox after this. :) But there are other ways to bring music into a story... *Gaelic grins*
Thanks again for spending time with me.
Reviewer: jane (Signed)
07/04/08 04:24 AM · On:
Dean we are so on the same page with the pronouncing, spelling in my case too, of that irk...?!? thingy.
Intro literally gave me a headache, m'dear from all the tension, I was sucking it in from all of them. Screaming for them to drop out of whatever the 'I' (my own personal shorthand there as you know my sp probs LOL) had them gripped in.
Dean, omg man it was heading right for him, tasty angst meal coming up, and no one, but no one was movin and Dean was it's target. ARgghh! Tension overload.
Okay, slight relief with Dean and his 'so...juicy' comment but then the pressure was back on and when it jumped on him I was screaming for them all to do something.
And you just know how to work the reader up, a touch of comedy 'I'm naked' thrown in to aid the lack of momentum in getting out of the place. Jeezus, move it was pulsing through my head.
Some fabulous angsty, contemplative moments as the boys thought seriously about sitting this one out. Dean needing to slide into the chair, bonless but somehow hanging onto the conversation with his music and realising that they had to be there period. Feed me, feed me I love this internalising stuff.
Bobby and Maggie, ack he was only protecting her when he left, worried that she would end up dead; that is one hell of a sacrifice to make for someone. And her simple declaration of love and the painful clarity with which Dean realises its something that he's never experience, ooh that left a lump in my throat!
Lobo! Taraaah he's ok which pleased me muchly and Dean too. His talisman all up and running, okay a little dogeared *g round the edges but there to protect and help Dean.
And once again, Dean is our hero, all around him are dropping like flies and he's up there gun a shooting and its all horribly chaotic with Sam on the floor. I loved the mixed up, clutteredness of this part of the story everything happening at once. Fab.
And Claire finally the truth of the 'I' emerging and, I'm sure thankfully for Dean and Sam who see too much death, she survives.
And what a delicious ending. Lobo connecting with Dean and Dean likewise connecting back with him and Sam. Knowing he was safe as he sinks into his own much needed oblivion.
::sigh:: I'm exhausted from reading this chapter!! *vbg* Bring on the next, I'm loving this so very much.
Oh we've had snow here, not masses but enough to get a snowball or two going. Teenagers are worse than wee ones for wanting to get a hit or two on an unsuspecting parent! What happened to the old days when we built a sweet little old snowman!! LOL.
Take care, Jane :)
Terry said the same thing about the "iki..." I said I didn't *have* to pronounce it... I just had to write it. But... yeah, I don't think I'd do much better than Dean. :)
Okay, and I know it's evil, but I'm grinning that you're exhausted!! Tee hee! I did something right. *grins*
I'm so pleased you have enjoyed this and that you let me know what speaks to you. Means more to me than you know.
Snowmen are a thing of the past, my friend. AH, those were the days.
Best to you,
Reviewer: rbliss1969 (Signed)
06/04/08 11:35 PM · On:
what a powerful chapter!!!
i almost cried when Lobo came out of the woods.
"Who protects the protector." so true Dean is always protecting Sam who protects Dean?
i love Abe his character is amazing; his strength, his power is hypnotizing. Abe being Sam's talisman excellent.
Bobby and Maggie i was wondering how you were going to let Sam and Dean in on how much they still loved each other.
Bobby leaving to protect Maggie i can see after what happened to his wife in season 3.
i have read several of your stories and they all have left me wanting to read more. you are truly talented.
i have only 1 other person on this web-site that i can not wait to read her chapters but i can honestly say you are right next to her as my fav.
i have read several other authors and you and Birdie clearly are number 1.
*glee!* To be put in the same category as Birdie is a treat, indeed. Thank you for that. :) Hee.
The funny thing is, I've had this story mapped out for some time -- since August, in fact -- and I didn't know about Bobby's wife. I figured he'd had a past, but wasn't sure what it was, of course. Which is why the reference to "her" is so vague. But, for those who have seen that S3 episode, I thought it fit nicely, so thanks for saying that.
I thank you so much for your comments and compliments. Hope you enjoy the next part!
Reviewer: GotTheShining (Signed)
06/04/08 09:59 PM · On:
The Best of Everything......
The best funnies:
Sam--Handing him his Bowie "Get Dressed"
Dean--smelling the coffee "I could kiss you right now" & Sam's reply--"Dude, we've got company."
The best angst:
"...No more lost childhoods. No more fathers who didn't understand. No more darkness."
Hee -- thank so much! I love these "bests"... You made me grin.
Thanks so much for reading and taking time to review.
BEST to you!
Reviewer: Phoenix_Song778 (Signed)
06/04/08 08:25 PM · On:
Man! That was intense! My eyes are stinging...and not just from staring transfixed at my computer screen ;)
I loved the description of the ikiryoh...particularly the image of it climbing the wall backwards. For some reason I had a flash of the scene from "The Exorcist" when Linda Blair crab walks down the stairs with her head turned completely around! Can't explain why...it just popped into my head!
Dean realizing he's naked and demanding to know the whereabouts of his pants, made me smile. Not to mention the great dual meaning you had going on in terms of what exactly "naked" and "getting dressed" can refer to --not always to clothes. That just really struck me for some reason.
Dean's snark about how everyone has a hole in their stomach--again had me smiling and shaking my head--smart ass! But then Sam's assertion that he would rather die than watch Dean die...the echo of those words coming from Dean in BUABS slammed into me. Gotta say that smile faded pretty damn quickly.
Then there was Dean's realization that no matter how much he may want it, that he would never be like his father. For me at least, that's not necessarily a bad thing...Dean's true strength lies in the ways he's not like John.
After Maggie admits her love for Bobby and Dean thinks: "He'd never heard someone say those words to him before, he had no idea what it meant, had no idea how to say them to another.." God that was a kick in the gut and I had the sudden, overwhelming urge to burst into tears.
Abe telling Sam not to ignore the light...that that is what separated him from Sal...a wonderful exchange.
And a great line: "Its dead hands wrapped around her shoulders like a sweater of dark memory." An amazing visual.
Musically--I love "Lunatic Fringe", a wonderful, haunting song. You might be interested to know that Gavin Rossdale has a new album coming out in June. The first single has already dropped--it's called "Can't Stop the World"---check it out and let me know what you think!
Okay, answering backwards because GAH! I heart Gavin Rossdale -- did you see him in Constantine? Seriously, though. Nice! *goes to look up new song*
And this genre for some reason calls the most random song forward into memory. I hadn't heard "Lunatic Fringe" for eons, and when I was writing the moment in the kitchen, the "ohh-ohh-ohh" part of the song swam up, and I realized I had to put those lyrics in there.
Thank you so much for your comments, girl -- you are so busy! I mean you never miss a beat and I love you for it -- between reviewing the VS and this and I'm sure many others... you are a treasure.
I clapped when you caught the dual meaning of "naked" and yeah, you got the image of the ikiryoh climbing backwards pretty spot on. I didn't think of that scene, but now that you mention it, it fits perfectly.
I'm glad, too, that you liked the Maggie/Bobby exchange. More to come there.
I agree with you about Dean's strength lying in the ways he's not like John, but I'm not sure that at this point Dean agreed with that. I'm not sure he agrees with that where the show is, but he's getting closer. It's hard to see yourself, though, isn't it? It's like were all... vampires inside. No true reflection until someone else shows us.
Okay, it's obviously late. Hee. I just saw this from you and had to reply.
Best to you,
Reviewer: Geena (Signed)
06/04/08 06:40 PM · On:
Once again I am completely amazed by your writing. That was an awesome chapter. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time and in tears several times. I love the connection between Lobo and Dean. Bobby's confession about what the boy's mean to him... I cried. Sam and Dean's connection... I cried. Love that the boys have Abe as well along with Bobby. They can never have too many awesome father figures that have their back. I look forward to the next chapter as always!
Geena, thank you so much for such a wonderful and heartfelt review. *hugs you* Don't hate me for smiling because you cried. I really don't revel in pain. Honestly. I just... I like to know that something I wrote made that much of an impact.
So, thank you sincerely. I hope you enjoy the end.
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
05/04/08 11:52 AM · On:
You said in your end notes that you kinda missed Dean in this chapte but I wanted to let you know that even though he was unconcious for a large part of the chapter I felt at one with him through the words and gestures of the other characters. And this is from a rabid Dean-o-phile so I mean this as a great endorsement of the wonderful depth of characterisation I have found in all your players.
I loved the growth of Maggie in this chappie and the complexity of her heartfelt emotion was conveyed with your usual well goverened choice of such appropriate words. I could feel her internal conflict throughout, her perhaps confused feelings for Bobby, her painful loyalty for Yeats and her want to help and nurture the boys. She's a lovely character so you clearly have a wonderful friend in Terry!
Oh and I hadn't seen the 'shift the Japanese monstrosity' into Sal coming but what a fantastic solution as that guy is one slimy creature, and your Sam showed such strength in casting it out. I loved the way he used Dean's faith in/ and love for himself to give Dean back the strength he needed to not allow his own grief and pain and inner daemons make him the most vulnerable when he cast the creature out, and thus it went to Sal. Sorry confusing but ya know what i meant i hope.
"All he remembered for much of those two weeks was the absolute absence of strength and the constant presence of Dean. He hadn't wanted his dad; he'd wanted Dean." This was lovely and that whole scene where they are both so poorly and can only instinctually gravitate towards each othe for safety and comfort is beautiful. I was reading this chapter in the car and had to break of half way through and drive somewhere unobserved because I was crying so much!
Oh and you're so clever Amanda. The explanation of the words mine, soon and taken was so horrific and sad but it was so clever how the words had been so appropriate to Sam and Dean and Abe when they were not really for them at all. Your planning and story design is so impressive and makes the story so wondefully complex and multi layered. It's a rich and heady delight.
And now to the the shower scene! Well what can I say? It was tremendous I could sense the slow ebb of Dean's remaining strength played out against his own poetic description of the ocean.Oh and how it enhanced the poignancy of the scene that his view of the ocean had been achieved through his sad seperation from Sam. And as to Sam, I could feel his terror, growing panic and his utter exhaustion to the point that I think I joined him wholeheartedly in his "Oh thank god" when you finally brought Bobby to the rescue.
I was touched by so poorly Dean's fevered rememberances that John and Mary used to sing to Sammy and I will be checking out the track, and I loved that you had Bobby sing to them.
And then Maggie saw Bobby and boy that was powerful! I could feel the sparks (I've always suspected Bobby is a real passionate lover!) and I thought him calling her Mags was so intimate. Somehow I knew he was due that slap to the face too but underlying that is a lot of affection I think!
Sorry I know I'm rabbiting on and on! Just abit more! "Jesus, you talk like friggin Yoda" - that had me howling with laughter and I suspect there was a look of vaguely hurt amusement of Abe's lovely face as weary, exhausted Sam said that.
Oh and go Lobo! Good dog have a bonio and a pet from me!
Enough Bird, you're babbling! In case I need to reiterate I'm loving it and more soon would be appreciated!
Hey Bev -- this was fantastic. I just returned from a nephew's birthday party full of screaming four-year olds on a sugar high, weary from wrangling my one-year-old, and sat down to find this waiting for me.
All weariness forgotten. Your reviews make me feel like I can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Thank you for that. :) I love that you're able to feel the emotions I work to weave into my words.
It sounds mean and cruel, but I actually love that you cried. That really means something to me. I'd been playing with exactly how to handle the shower scene so that it conveyed the need and fear and didn't go over the edge into squirmy terriroty. I didn't want smarm. I wanted care.
So I'm glad that worked for you. :)
More is on the way, I promise. Chapter 7 is finished and with my beta and if all goes well, I'll post tonight or first thing tomorrow. I dearly hope you enjoy it and I thank you sincerely for spending time with me.
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
04/04/08 01:20 PM · On:
No you've not lost me hun but back at work this week so less reading time!
I love your story. It's descriptive but never wordy or indulgent. The dialogue is crisp and believable and you have the characters describe the emotional content without ever having them become weak or sentimental.
There are so many passages I would like to pick out and examine but don't wanna bore ya!
"His breaths becoming sobs, Dean allowed Abe to ease him back for just a moment before leaning away, his shoulder bumping the underside of the bar. I screwed up… I lost him again… dammit, I screwed up…"Let me help," Abe repeated, his plea now a command." These are tremendously emotive words. the thought of Dean sobbing demonstrates the end of his endurance for me and Abe is wise enough to recognise that and 'command' Dean to allow him to intervene. This feels so right at this point as Dean is so weary that command may be the only thing he can hear at this point.
Your description of Dean's eyes as "two open wounds" also captured my imagination. His eyes are so beautiful and to have that beauty convey such pain is a teasing dichotomy.
I'm very intrigued by the Maggie/Bobby 'past history' thread, and I liked it that you had Maggie just come out and declare that she loves him. I'm wondering now why they cannot be an item? What happened to them, betweeen them? I think Bobby deserves someone and Maggie seems like she could stand up to him but there's something in the way?
Oh and speaking of Bobby, this was perfect.
"It was the sound Abe had heard once before. It was a scared parent, suddenly realizing their child was not where they were supposed to be. It was a father processing the fact that he'd arrived two hours too late. It was a guardian hearing his charge had been threatened.It was love." Those words so conjure Bobby's gruff, understated and essential love and care for the boys. Lovely words and of course Abe would hear that because I suspect he is beginning to feel the same.
The battle for Dean to stay onhis feet when he is so tired and sore just tore at me. I remember once being in that place, after weeks of standing by the bed of a suffering loved one and being so tired that even remembering how to breath was a struggle and your words brought that back. It is very well written and heart rending.
Oh and then this.."Regret was a different kind of pain. It was loneliness wrapped in the dark paper of loss and guilt. It burned with a secret fire that you can never extinguish, even with the forgiveness of others. It was the impossible forgiveness of self that would combat this pain, and Dean had no idea how to offer Sam something he didn't know how to acquire for himself" Such sadness in those words, such 'regret' in a description of the very word! How clever that you show us the emotion your define in the words you use to make the definition.
Gosh, I'm sorry I'm rambling on! I'll leave it there and go check out the next chapter and despair that my scribblings willl never come up to this standard!
Birdie, I think I might love you. This was a friggin' fantastic review. Thank you so much for taking time to be so thorough. You gave me chills. And I mean that in the most humblest of ways.
Thank you for calling out the lines that you did -- especially the regret line. There are times when I don't actually realize what I'm saying while I write until the words are down and I look back and my throat closes up because I recognize that it's actually what I'd been feeling and I didn't know. Does that make sense?
I'm sure through your own writing you've felt the same. :)
Thanks again for spending time with me. Chapter 7 should be up this weekend -- it's with my beta now.
Best to you,
Reviewer: POOKEE (Signed)
03/04/08 06:17 PM · On:
I must apologize again for the lateness of the review and for its quality even before I start. Fatigue is beginning to set in and my creativity is waning. Forgive me.
This chapter continually examines and force feeds the boys relationship with the reader. The responsibility that Dean must bear - although willingly - now and since Sam was four is heartbreaking. Responsibility levied on Dean as a parental figure yet similiar in age of his charge. This responsibility given to and accepted by Dean - the lifetime of promises made to Sam overwhlems Dean but never beats him. Dean desperately needs someone to take care of him, to guide him and he finds this more and more from Abe. We all have been given roles to perform in life but no matter how strong the will is to bring those roles to fruition, we all physically and mentally stumble, needing help getting to our feet. Dean is no different. The reader can see this as Dean sobs over Sam's pain and allows Abe to help if but for a brief moment, then the soldier returns to complete his mission - protecting Sam.
The phrase that Dean relates to "the emptiness felt when you know you are the last in order of importance to someone most important to him" - a child , grown or not, should never have to feel that way, yet many do and never come to terms with it. Dean's fortress seems to be fading - allowing some feeling and needed healing to creep in. The mere act of telling Abe "I need your help" is a great turning point for Dean. Ironic that Dean asks Abe for help - a loner ver similiar to Dean. Dean will hopefully realize he is so important in the lives of many who consider him a parent - Sammy and a son - Bob and Abe. He needs to let himself feel again not just exist. Both Sam and Dean need to forgive themselves before they can truly forgive each other. Hopefully the strength of the people around them will allow for it to happen. This chapter of lost innocence for Claire, for Sam, for Dean begins a new trail as Sam reveals his belief of his responsibility for Dean's pain, Mary's death and John recruitment of Dean ..... and with Dean's plea to Sam to forgive himself.
God Bless and Keep You,
I swear to God every time I get one of your reviews I end up with a lump in my throat. You have the uncanny ability to read between my lines. I write what I write, but there are thoughts and feelings inside that don't always make it to the paper -- yet you pick up on them anyway.
Wow. Just. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for seeing power in my attempt at imagry.
Take your time reading and reviewing -- anytime I get a review from you I smile because I know that means you've gotten a break and I'm happy for that. :)
I will respond to your thoughtful email from earlier this week soon. I'm trying to work my way through emails while Rowan sleeps on a Saturday morn... *Gaelic scrambles*
Best to you,
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
28/03/08 08:23 AM · On:
God this is a freaky, scarey, nasty creature. Makes my skin crawl. Don't blame Abe for shooting the jukebox one bit.
Loved the boys reaching out to each other in the absolute darkness, each others anchor at all times but especially in times of stress.
i case i'm not being clear I love the story and am so glad to have Abe back
You're being clear, no worries. *laugh* And I love you for it! I am eagerly looking forward to your thoughts on the rest of the posted chapters (unless I've lost you... eek!) and what I'm writing now. Thank you for spending time with me. Means more to me than you know.
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
28/03/08 08:19 AM · On:
Oh the whole scene in the river is epic. Dean is such a good man he even saves the creep who was gonna kill him! And boy you hurt Dean so well! I would so want Abe with me if I was lost in the woods - the man's a treasure and sexy as hell.
Oh and Lobo came to save Dean, that's terrific, he's his spirit animal, the personification of Dean's great strength of character. Lovely, such beautiful animals. I was in Cananda last summer and saw a wild wolf and it was amazing.
The warming Dean up after his near drowning was ...just so hot and the bit where he didn't want sticking with the fish hook had me in hysterics. And the fact that Dean has watched Harry Potter - so funny!
"Dean lay against his brother, his head resting on Sam's collarbone, his eyes closed, mouth tight even in unconsciousness. Sam's eyes were on the fire, his cheek against the top of Dean's head, his arms wrapped in a protective, almost possessive, embrace. His body language told Abe all he needed to know: Sam may be Dean's purpose in life, but Dean was Sam's anchor. His connection to reality" These are beautiful words, it made me cry.
Oh and having Sam dress Dean and then that whole I hate rain thing? Too sweet for words!
Love the story, wonderful
Okay, I have been thinking about you calling Abe "sexy as hell" since I read this review a couple of days ago. Do you have any idea how thrilling that was? That he was 3-D enough for you to find him sexy? I was on a high about that.
Especially because he's got some things he's gotta do in chapter 7 and 8... well, I'll stop there.
I really believe the words about what Dean and Sam are to each other. By intention or not, Kripke, Jared, and Jensen created two characters that have climbed inside of us and haven't let go and when I think of them, I see balance in togetherness that is rare in the real world.
I hope you continue to enjoy!
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
28/03/08 08:07 AM · On:
Hey me again.
I am very intrigued and delighted by the Lobo. He's some sort of animal spirit to Dean isn't he? The scene where Dean is feeding him and laughing whilst Sam watches on is so poignant. Poor boys never get to just have fun do they?
I like Maggie, she's feisty and you made me laugh when she said "You're both kinda easy on the eye." Heehee aren't they though?
The bit with Abe and Sam talking about Dean being a good cook is cool. Abe has a way of cutting to the chase and saying things to each of the boys that take them to places inside themselves that they might not wanna go to but proably should.
Sal and his boys are the dregs and fun. They don't know who they have taken on in the Winchesters and I suspect they are gonna come off the worse for the asociation.
Oh and the freaky Japanese witch creature - funky and cool and horrible!
Thanks for sharing your awesome story
Lobo was a request from a friend who said, "Hey, write a story with a dog in it." Well, I couldn't just write a dog... as I thought about bringing Abe back, Lobo sprang, fully-formed, into my mind and his connection with Dean was natural to me. It will be explained further in the final chapter, though, never fear.
I'm glad you like Maggie -- she's based on a good friend and I wanted her to feel real.
And the Japanese creature was pulled from a book called "The Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits" that my husband brought home for me one day to aid my writing endeavor. I read about it over a year ago and have been waiting for the right time to bring it to life...
Thanks again for reading!