Reviewer: downbythebay (Signed)
19/10/08 02:48 PM · On:
A very moving little piece. The only thing I would say--and I don't know if it has to do with the specifics of the assignment, and I certainly don't mean to "ressurect your story for evil" as I believe it's been a few months since you've posted this but it's taking me a while to catch the bandwagon.
But since you're writing mostly in first person, I'm assuming we're witnessing Dean's internal monologue, but the language doesn't seem to come from Dean.
I.E. "Shattered are my defenses"
Usually only poets use this 'Yoda-speak.'
I would suggest--for a little more practice--perhaps to try a rewrite entirely in the third person and see what you come up with.
Keep up the good work.
Reviewer: clclemmons (Signed)
22/01/08 10:00 PM · On:
Wonderful little read. A heartbeat can feel like forever, but the world can change in that short moment.
Reviewer: gengen0776 (Signed)
20/01/08 07:35 PM · On:
*sigh* WOW! If you don't get a good mark in your creative writing class you send that teacher our way we'll talk some sense into him/her.
SO well written, so perfectly depicting our wounded hero in his darkest moment...Great work!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading. Got a fairly good mark so I'm happy. thanks for the review, it means a lot.
Reviewer: kwater (Signed)
20/01/08 08:47 AM · On:
Just lovely. Loved the line "In a heartbeat, I dealt with darkness and won." So glad you posted, - thanks for the read - K
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading.
Reviewer: Bookworm (Signed)
19/01/08 06:59 PM · On:
Wow good job
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It really means a lot to me.
Reviewer: sprntrl_grl (Signed)
18/01/08 09:51 AM · On:
I liked it. A lot.
I put it on my list of stories I wish I'd written. =)
Thanks, so glad to hear you liked this little oneshot.
Reviewer: marian_dnsg4l (Signed)
17/01/08 08:55 PM · On:
omg! that was soo beautifull!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and the kind words, they mean alot to me.
Reviewer: bulletbabe (Signed)
17/01/08 04:35 AM · On:
Well I thought this was beautiful, and I hope you got good marks in your creative writing class because you sure deserve them for this.
Be interested to see what you come up with next...
Author's Response: Thanks for reading. lol, got a B+ so not bad. Thanks for the review.
Reviewer: bambers2 (Signed)
16/01/08 08:17 PM · On:
oh, very nice job. loved the part where you wrote I am a soldier strong and true. thanks for sharing, great first story. bambers;)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Reviewer: fantasycatcher (Signed)
16/01/08 06:03 PM · On:
Wow Becky Lyn. This was really good, congrats on becoming and author! Very well written, I like the way you used 'In a heart beat' through out because it gave this a poetic feel. Some very powerful words. My fav -- I was once well prepared for battle, just not prepared to go it alone. Was never meant to go it alone -- Just as my eyes started to burn with unbidden tears it said...
I know in my heart it was a good deal. - I am a solider strong and true. The battle is not over, not by a longshot. No, the battle has just begun and this soldier will march into Hell a full five-star general.... Loved it, that was very Dean and I think it was a virtuous finish to your first fic on the site.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. You really made my day.