Reviewer: PropGal (Signed)
08/04/08 12:11 PM · On:
beautiful. all of it. beautifully written. beautifully thought out.
Author's Response: Thanks heaps for your lovely comment. Your stars add a warm glow to your kind words.
Reviewer: kwater (Signed)
08/04/08 10:48 AM · On:
Wow, intense and vivid. You've done a terrific job with this one Cookie. And though I know the outcome I look forward to John's release. Thanks for the read - Kel
Thanks Kel! 'Intense and vivid' is a great wrap.
Yep, I think knowing the outcome actually makes it worse! Our patience and anger stretches to breaking point, dragging our imaginations with it.
And I do get John out for you - but Hell's not quite finished yet...
Reviewer: kwater (Signed)
08/04/08 10:39 AM · On:
Cookie, so sorry I haven't been back sooner. This whole writing thing just sucks up way too much time. ;)
Great chapter, to watch Sam's last moments in Cold Oak through John's eyes was heartbreaking to say the least. Looking foward to reading more - Kel
I so get the writing sucking time thing! Really glad you dropped back in...
Thank you for your kind words. Yep that scene at Cold Oak never gets easier - no matter how many times we watch it or read imaginative interpretations in many clever and varied fics. If anything, it gets worse and we get deeper into the emotions and consequences.
Looking forward to you reading the rest!
Reviewer: gaelicspirit (Signed)
05/04/08 03:12 PM · On:
Oh, man. For future reference, I LOVE long chapters. So, uh... feel free to end the torture anytime. :)
This was wonderful. The end especially, with John listening to Dean's heartbreaking monologue to his dead brother. It just crushed me all over again. Holy crap.
I loved this, too:
"And he desperately replayed the stolen snapshots of his boys’ lives in his head. They were a jumble of gurgling babies, mischievous little boys, inquisitive teenagers and capable men. He watched them play and learn and sleep and spar. He watched their faces reflect their curiosity, their amusement and their intelligence. But more than that, he watched them watch each other. Every interaction, every word, every nuance between them shone with their shared friendship, respect, admiration and love. "
That just made me smile at my little girl and see her (very short) past and all the possibilities of her future.
Nicely done, lady.
And for the record I love long chapters too, Gaelic! I thought long and hard (no title pun intended!!) about what to do with my looong chapter - actually discussed it at length with others in regard to how you pull it off and how it works for VS. I decided to split it because I felt the emotional drain might be a bit much...
And another cherished reader who loved John being witness to Dean's heartbreaking monologue - thank goodness! I was alittle worried how this scene fitted the flow of the story, but it seems it worked. And yeah, 'holy crap' sums up the heartbreak we still all feel about that scene!
What an awesome observation that my writing gave you cause to reflect on your own beautiful girl's life. That is the ultimate compliment - my writing reaching that deep...Wow!
Thank you for your fantastic review, I feel on top of the world!
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
05/04/08 11:01 AM · On:
OK warning this is gonna take a few words so indulge me ok?
Wow! sometimes stillness is so much more menacing than motion because it manifests incipient danger and just contained brooding violence. This is your John for me now. He oozes his pain, I can smell it like a heady musk and taste it with its bitter fury. And its acting as a pheromone for the Horde making them chitter, and wriggle and squirm in their lustful desire. "But while John’s anguish over Sam’s death hemorrhaged from within, he positively wore the shattered heart of his oldest like a second skin. Every emotion the demons saw in Dean as he sobbed and rocked his brother’s body slammed out of John and drove them into a frenzy. John’s soul vibrated with Dean’s grief and guilt." This is beautiful and soul destroyingly heart-rending, but it conveys the anguish that is giving John his strength at the moment.
But the Horde are essentially cowards and they need their Unholy quarterback to come on field with his game plays and bravado! So we await our favorite and depraved coach, Yellow Eyes!
I love the way you show us that John knows he was the destroyer of Dean's ability to show his emotions, and with these words "Never again was the kick he need as he closed his mental doors and padlocked his heart and soul behind them. With his emotions in check, John buried himself behind the same wall he had inadvertently bequeathed to Dean by virtue of genetic coding and a lifetime of expert example. What John had created, Dean had perfected. John concentrated on Dean and fortified his wall." you show us that this heartbreaking realisation has become his strength to fight for freedom and revenge. So the wound he inflicted, albeit reluctantly on his son, becomes his son's legacy of love and strength to the father. Complex and clever role reversal Cookie, and enhanced as I read on by John search 'for himself' only to find 'his sons'!
This next section allowing John the absolution of seeing that for all the flaws of the boys bizarre upbringing, they had held onto their love and respect for each other and him, was a kindness. His path has been so bleak and painfilled and we have walked that with him so now to begin to raise our eyes to the light is a relief but will you find a new blanket of darkness to cloak us in? I fear you will! Lemme see? Reading on!
Ah yes here comes the Coach, and he brings 'maggots' with him! ugg that makes me shudder!
Owh Cruel again Cookie! I sensed light so you bring the worst of darkness and paint John's vision full of technicolour images of Sam's death. That scene of raw instinctual grief and agony was a soul stealer in the episode and in your words I can see again Jensen's perfect face devastated with loss and hurt. See him cut down to a frightened child and if that pulls at my heart then what would it do to the father of that child?
Owh this is a humdinger of a chappie Cookie, leaves me drained and traumatised but I cling to the edge of madness and despair as I feel Johns strength and believe that he has the ultimate power to defeat his daemons both real and ethereal! I salute you, it's very impressive work all the more so knowing that it was written from your heart.
Wow, Bev, what an awesome review! You just GET IT. You dive in, you interrogate how you feel against the storyline, get involved with the description. You have picked up on the subtle and worked it out with the obvious in my story, and for that I thank you. You are a writer's delight. And considering I never thought I'd write that's a big call!
I'm pretty pleased you (and many other reader's!) like how I used Dean's monologue. I was actually a bit worried about this bit and felt it was risky, wasn't sure how to 'blend' it (you can thank Lou that that scene is still in there, what would I do without her beta!?) And yeah, Jensen sure pulled that scene of with perfection didn't he?
Very intuitive of you to pick up how the demon's ramp up with YED leading the fray... (leaving it there, ch 5 will build on this)
Again, a heartfelt thanks, I have a killer smile on my face that won't say die!!
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed)
01/04/08 04:41 PM · On:
Amazing! Every word is properly placed to wreak the most angst. You're breaking my heart Petra!
Mu muse is so happy to read that comment Shannon, such a great thing for a reader to say. A little more heartbreak ahead then Winchester unleashed. Thanks for sticking with me.
Reviewer: gater91 (Signed)
30/03/08 02:51 PM · On:
great job! update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you! Not long to go...
Reviewer: hellioness (Signed)
29/03/08 08:25 PM · On:
Wow! This is a great fic. I love your imaginative view of hell and your depiction of John's experience there. And thank you for making it clear that John did the right thing by training his sons to be soldiers under the circumstances. Too many fans have unfairly condemned him for this.
I am looking forward to your final chapter. When it's done, I plan add this fic to my rec list, unless you don't want me to, that is. My rec list is here: supernaturalstation.org/fanfiction/fanfiction-picks/
Thanks for such a glowing review. I think your gunna love Ch 5 then - Hell is a whole bigger world for John...
And I so agree with you re John. I've never felt he did the wrong thing, only how unfair it was. That scene in Dead Man's Blood where John is watching over his sleeping sons says it all for me -his boys feeling so safe under his guard.
And it would be an honour to be added to your list. Thank-you for inviting me. I'll have to go and have a play in your list...
Reviewer: GotTheShining (Signed)
29/03/08 09:40 AM · On:
Wow. the imagery and language in this chapter were amazing! Its so chewy,,, i usually speed read and let my imagination take over but this was one of those times were I just had to read slowly and enjoy the words, Bravo~
Wow, what an awesome thing to say! One of the best compliments my fic has ever had, and I am humbled.
and GotTheShiningStars - thanks heaps!
Reviewer: mymuseandi (Signed)
28/03/08 06:55 PM · On:
I was replaying in my mind that part when Dean was talking to Sam, and seeing it being laid out in words just made my heart break...AGAIN. it's nothing i haven't seen before, but man, it doesn't get any easier each time!
And they are going to show him Dean's deal right? and made John despair all over again. Damn.
No, it doesn't get any easier does it? And you're right, knowing it's coming, whether we are reading it or watching it, our hearts just break all over again.
and yes, I'm afraid so...
Thank you so much for your beautiful stars.
Reviewer: Vanessa (Signed)
28/03/08 06:07 PM · On:
As I read, I could literallly hear Dean speaking from AHBL2. Could hear his anguished cadence. And it broke my heart all over again.
This has been an incredible tale told through John's eyes. Thank you gracing us with it.
And will we ever get over it?I don't think any of us ever will no matter how many times we see or read it. And yes, our hearts will break every time.
Thank you for your your lovely comment. And you're welcome.
Glowing stars - my favourite! Thanks heaps.
Reviewer: Midge (Signed)
28/03/08 04:50 PM · On:
So far this is proving a riveting read and I will be back to read the rest. iI's nice to find something different from the norm.
Thank you so much for saying so! I appreciate the "different" comment very much. And shiny stars - thank you for sprinkling them.
Reviewer: Geena (Signed)
28/03/08 01:29 PM · On:
Wow... that was amazing.. I'm crying. Need to take a walk now. Wonderful chapter :) Looking forward to your next installment.
Thanks Geena. Lou has tissues on hand if you run out...
I hope your walk helped dry your tears.
'Wow, amazing and wonderful' all in one reveiw, thanks so much!
Next chapter not far away...
Reviewer: bulletbabe (Signed)
28/03/08 12:39 PM · On:
So glad to see this posted Petra, and it was very worth the wait.
Powerfull, full of evil intent and demonic musings worthy of the pit...and you're strung it together so well. It reads like a film playing out in front of me and it's exactly what I can imagine John going through in the time he was down there.
Fantastic writing and can't wait till the big finish...(I've bought the tissues already)
Hey Lou, first of all, your comment that I've strung it together well means so much. You know my muse struggled with insecurities about flow so this is precious feedback.
Thanks so much for these comments, your reviews like your beta-ing are always specific. My smile and warm glow will be around for a while after these comments.
And more stars for my collection! Thanks a million!
Reviewer: darkhunter (Signed)
28/03/08 11:42 AM · On:
wow,very powerful chapter,well worth the wait,but i'm so glad we don't have to wait to long for the next one.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm really glad that you thought this chapter was powerful, it was pretty intense to write.
It was a long wait wasn't it? I appeciate you sticking with me. And yes, only a few days while I edit abit and the finale will be posted.
Reviewer: lostatc (Signed)
21/03/08 10:04 AM · On:
I just left a great review but I'd timed out so it disappeared. Anyway, I don't usually like stories that go over what happened in episodes but this was brilliantly done. I felt all the emotions I did the first time I watched the episode and to read it from John's point of view was heart wrenching.
Have fun on your trip. I look forward to being able to continue this story when you are back.
Thank you so much for such an huge compliment! I have been keeping up with your work (lurking while I am writing *cringe* but back to reviewing shortly...) and such a comment from you is much appreciated and highly valued.
Don't you just hate it when you time out! That's happened to me heaps of times and I just wanted to cry in frustration!
Reviewer: GentlesideofHorror (Signed)
17/03/08 09:39 PM · On:
Wow loved every bit of it! Great writing, very gripping and excently written through and through. One of the best, I think I have read (although I will admit I haven't read many as of yet =P)
Wow Barb, what awesome comments! Thanks for such a great rap!
and more stars...thanks heaps
Reviewer: GentlesideofHorror (Signed)
17/03/08 09:03 PM · On:
This is really awesome! Really got me thinking like a sort of what if the crossroads demon in Crossroad Blues wanted to keep Dean alive and relish in his misery because she knew that John would as well....Very interesting take on that! Great writing!
Thanks for checking in and leaving such a thoughtful review. Yep, the whole idea of milking as much misery out of John would be exactly what the crossroad demon would want - the bonus is a third Winchester torn to shreds. Your'e gunna love chapter 4...
Thanks for your lovely stars.
Reviewer: clclemmons (Signed)
11/03/08 04:33 PM · On:
Like I have said before, this is so powerful, so much raw emotion. Your descriptions are vivid, the images so easy to visualize. We know hell has totally underestimated the wrath of John Winchester. To learn their lives had been destroyed that they were no more than collateral damage for no other reason than because his son was favored to lead hell, something we could never picture Sam doing.
John still seeing Sam’s faith in good, and knowing that it could destroy his son, but still proud that after everything Sam had seen he could still have something to believe in.
The devastation of seeing Dean losing his brother, knowing Sam was Dean’s sole purpose in life, your description of it shaking hell and earth alike were stunning.
John’s anger was so powerful, one thing he knew was how to turn his hate into a weapon of his own. A means to destroy. God help anyone or anything that stands in his way.
Can’t wait for your next chapter.
This is an incredible review Crystal, and I am very grateful for the deep thought you put into it. Thank you for your lovely comments about both my writing and my plotline - I loved how you interrogated them against your own thoughts.
Your stars are beautiful, and knowing they're from you makes them special.
And God won't be helping those in John's way...
Reviewer: bambers2 (Signed)
10/03/08 11:12 AM · On:
Guh...this is just so heart-wrenching, cookie! you are writing John's pain and anguish so beautifully. It just makes me so sad to see what he is going through in this story. Awesome job!! bambers;)
Thanks Bambers, knowing I am driving the Queen of Torment to "Guh!" is indeed a compliment! Thanks heaps for reading and for your inspiring review. And your shiny stars are worth their weight in gold.
Reviewer: Huey Riley (Signed)
09/03/08 08:58 AM · On:
Jesus!! Your first fic. Cookie your story is out of this world, it's a tormenting and harrowing story of guilt and devastation. Powerful faceless demons in hell so vivid.
Their eyes and jeers boring through John's heart. He was a good father, as good as he could be for such a crushed man, forever grieving for Mary.
Yellows eyes sticking the knife in and just twisting it with those images, teasing John's flesh with heat and crushing him as a man. YED worked hard but it wasn't enough, the hunter part of a Winchester is dominant. Looking forward to a messy escape!
Well, hello Corey! How nice to hear from you. Thanks for your great review and indepth comment, you sure have my story in a nutshell.
Thanks for the stars - much appreciated. And yes, escape coming up, but it won't be easy for John...
Reviewer: fantasycatcher (Signed)
07/03/08 06:37 PM · On:
First line brought back the fear I had watching season two 'A leader. Hell wanted a leader. And it wanted Sam.'
Instantly your words had me, wrapped me tightly in a cocoon of torment with an inch of space to breath. As I read on, my tightly wrapped form was dipped in the hell you had created so effortlessly, I felt the hungry fire flare at me, making me hot, felt so real, I was almost John.
The nasty truth, the moment John realized, the loss of Mary, Jessica, the security and innocence lost just so hell could have a leader. So heart breaking:( "Their lives were collateral damage"
The torture from yellow eyes growing more unbearable for me as it did for John "He'll walk to us, John, you knew it, you warned soldier-boy you were so sure" your words slowly tranformed and melted into images. Full blown fire my eyes and heat on my skin as I saw the fire imitating the demons cheers at John's expense. I had to open my window, just the scorching hot breath of yellows made me flinch.
Huge relief as John felt comfort of anger, I love the control that anger brought and my heart pounded with excitement as John took strength from the burn. "You arrogant bastard!" - his anger propelling his sadness to it's rightful place, the corner. I felt so messed with, feeling excited and hoping John keeps his anger and then feeling hurt that the grief was guilt once again was overwhelming him and pushing him to give up. I went up and down with John on this emotional, raging chapter.
At times I held my breath "Back to the main attraction, John, for your viewing pleasure" Petra this flow of anger, hatred and torment was strong and constant, the pace was flooring, expectional. I was able to visualize everything after reaching about half way through, I felt I was watching hells harsh, malicious crowd instead of reading it, became impossible not to feel hurt for John. AHBL 1&2 were such hard epps to watch but you re-created it with originality and creativity. Very intense, vivid, powerful, dark and gritty. John's every reaction got a rise out of me, the giggles, the taunts and heat, the evil satisfaction you created messed with every emotion. "No, John" the part that made it hard for me to swallow "YOU lose"
Nearing the end, I was worn away like a stone rubbed harshly against rocks as the waves came in with no mercy, my determination not to cry eaten away at like piranha's attacking as John watched Dean's panicked reassurances to a non-responsive Sammy.
But finally some hope, John's anger reinforced, his fury not even hell was prepared for and only the ruthless hunter in him and not the father can set him free.
And so, from the cocoon that held me captive, blackened by sins of evil and dripping in putrid black eyes sweat, it realeases me and I am able to breath again.
Petra hun, after hours of chatting in starbucks, I know chapter four is going to be one kick ass, menacing battle and I can hardly wait!!!!
Love from your 'Girlie' fc x x x
Wow Fantasy, what an incredible review. To know how deeply you got into my story, how deeply you understood what I was doing and how deeply it affected you was amazing. John's waxing and waning emotions as Team Hell (Birdie's term!) worked its evil was one of my main drivers so thanks for noticing,
Your stars brightened Hell's darkness for me, thanks heaps.
And that day at Starbucks was incredible.
Reviewer: impalamedean1 (Signed)
26/02/08 07:16 PM · On:
this chapter is awesome, cant wait for the next!!
keep up the good work!!!!!!
Thank you for your kind review and your stars! I'm very happy that you are enjoying my story!
Reviewer: Shannondoah (Signed)
06/02/08 11:09 AM · On:
The way you described Sam's expression of Sam's realization and innocense brought tears to my eyes.
An amazing addition to an incredible story! Each chapter gets better! I can't believe it!!
I just love it that every reader is impacted by a certain part of any story that has significance for them. For you in this story, it's Sam's innocence. For me as a writer to know it was how i wrote his expression of this innocence that triggered you is amazing. Thanks so much for that.
And your comment about my story and how you think each ch gets better has put a huge smile on my face!
Thank you so much for the review.
Reviewer: birdie (Signed)
05/02/08 02:25 PM · On:
First paragraph and I'm loving the "squeals of delight" from the daemon hord, such an innocently evil sound and a paradoxical counterpoint to John's limpid paralysis. Oh and now the Coach makes his rapturous entrance - stylish, corrupt and inventive YED comes on with the game play! Go 'Team Hell'!
And how shall we torment tonite? With John's own careful lessons and their devastating consequenses in the race to be freaky psychic poster child! Cruel Cookie! Beat him with his own proud achievements and then when he's down villify and sully his loyal lieutenant aswell! How dare you! My beautiful Dean! But wait Green eyes smouldering! satiated! Hot and panting! Growl -you're forgiven!
So in this chapter the pulsating rhythm of Team Hells chanting puts me in mind of the movie "Rollerball" The daemons circle John's conciousness like the roller bladed leather clad players, battering him as they giggle and gloat, to sweep momentarily away, on the backswing of the track; allowing him to briefly gasp for air yet leaving him to know that their next blow is but a glide away as they careen back with their sniggering assault!
Oh and then you allow John to actually feel something physically tangible and what is it? Pain! And a ruined shoulder - my favorite you angel!
But that pain is nothing compared to the coup de grace that you save for your denoument. Death, sweet slow and protracted death. Not just of his baby but of the soul of his first born too and all whispered into his writhing conciousness through the deafening rush of Sam's dying heart. poetic in its viciousness!
And so there he lies. Spent and ruined and broken but he is John Winchester and within him is the damaged but eternal hope that is his love for his boys. And he will take that and use it as a blunt weapon to clothe his broken heart in fire and ice and wreak his revenge with savage ire upon the daemon spawn.
The winchester phoenix is poised to rise!
So in case I wasn't clear! I love it, it wraps me in complex layers of sweet torment and leaves me panting for more!
WOW Bev! What an awesome review. Noone gets 'words' like you. I love how you relish each one, interrogate them, mull around how they impact on you. You play with sentences and thier meaning with precision and humour. Love it!! Thanks so much.
Yeah, Dean in the throes is worthy of attention, even if it's a demons twisted take to hammer John. I did like being called "cruel Cookie" but relieved I was forgiven.
You REALLY got what I was doing with John. Yeah, it hurt to turn his lifestyle with his boys around and pummell him with it, but it was quite devastating to throw Dean at him like that. I was abit worried I may have made a few enemies out there in UnGen...but hey "The opinions expressed by the YED and his Associates are not the opinions of the Author"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you aint seen Phoenix nor savage like it!!In fact that's exactly what to expect in ch4...
And yeah, I got it you loved it! Not just your review either, I know how you're wired little birdie...